wonder if people will remember me

[february in alaska]

Obviously not talking about my parents here. More like distant acquaintances, old friends, people who have interacted with me online, classmates, coworkers. I feel like a lot of them will say "aw that's so sad" in a really general sense, but nobody will really be affected or care much. If they care, it'll probably just be their own grief or empathy at hearing about someone dying, not grieving me specifically.

I've already said I don't want to hurt my family, so this feels super weird to say, but I hope at least a few other people are sad to see me go. I hope I had some kind of significance or impact on someone else, even if I didn't really do anything of worth or make any best friends or change anyone's life. I hope I meant something, even if life is all bullshit anyway. I don't want anyone to be devastated but I hope I'm missed. The idea of being forgotten two weeks later.... my classmates have to keep pushing forward, focus on their exams, stop looking at the empty seat where I used to be..... my coworkers welcoming a new employee who will start using my locker..... bus drivers, cashiers, all the passing strangers I saw never thinking twice when they never see me again. It makes me feel kind of achy. Maybe I want to be forgotten, I don't know. It just hurts, even if I never gave anyone a real reason to care

I think it's why I remind myself almost daily of people who I've lost. I did my best not to forget a single person. I wonder if anyone will do that for me, after I'm gone. I hope so. I'm sure my account here will inevitably be buried with the rest of everyone who has already gone, replaced by people going through their own struggles and the same worries and thoughts, but I've seen some of you guys mention users that you miss. I wonder if anyone will put me on their list. Realistically, probably not. I'm just glad I know I'll be able to talk to people on here up until the end. One of my favorite things about SaSu is the fact that people reply so much, I've never really felt ignored here, and I know when I post my own goodbye thread people will be wishing me off. That's more comforting than anything else

 

[Smelly_ballz]

I wonder similarly. A student at my college died from a car accident and so the whole baseball team took a break to comprehend and grieve her and do memorial stuff (from what I've heard, she was friends with the baseball team and was overall a nice person). It know it's selfish and I don't even want anything like that to happen for me, but it makes me sad that nothing will happen when I die. As in, no one in the community will be all that sad. I am not a good student, an athlete, or really do anything positive for society. I don't want to make people sad, but like you said, I want to have made some sort of impact. I know I sound selfish, and I probably am, but it won't matter anyway. It will end the same either way.

 

[nopointinlivingg]

I think it's why I remind myself almost daily of people who I've lost. I did my best not to forget a single person. I wonder if anyone will do that for me, after I'm gone. I hope so.

I relate to so much of this post, but especially this portion. I always ran with "hooligan" circles growing up as a coping mechanism. Most of us did not care about our own well-being and as such I've lost quite a few friends over the years through self-destructive behavior and just plain old bad luck. Unsurpringly, they were always good, caring people who didn't deserve to die the ways they did. My first love was shot to death at 17 by her ex boyfriend's father, an obsessive stalker who had previously r**ed her, all because she had low self-worth and chose to be with the wrong person. She was one of the sweetest, most genuine people I ever knew. I still cry when I think about her. And she died almost 20 years ago.

Those of us left grieved, attended funerals, what have you. But after a while those people were spoken about less and less until one day they weren't talked about at all anymore. And to an extent I get it - if we grieve forever, our lives will soon become bitter and empty. But I never hear anyone share happy memories or reminisce fondly. So I go a bit overboard, I think, to make up for it in my mind and my emotions - I visit their obituary pages often, I visit graves that are closeby often. When I still had social media I would post anniversary remembrances when no one else would. I even started ripping and archiving videos from YouTube of news stories about my friend who died so violently. It's like a hardline mission I've taken on to ensure their memories don't fade.

When I ask myself why I do this, I figure it's because I don't feel anyone will do the same for me, not even that first initial round of grief as all of my friends have either died or dropped me at this point. So I overcompensate for those I feel were forgotten, because they at least deserve to be remembered by someone who will remember them while I'm still here, even if I won't receive the same treatment when I catch the bus.

 

[BGooG]

My daughter would remember me, and my brother. That's it. I don't do it because of my daughter. She's the only thing keeping me around.

 

[Abyssal]

I will remember you if just by your awesome looking avatar. That said I won't be alive forever, so don't count on it being long lasting. Thought that counts though?

 

[february in alaska]

I relate to so much of this post, but especially this portion. I always ran with "hooligan" circles growing up as a coping mechanism. Most of us did not care about our own well-being and as such I've lost quite a few friends over the years through self-destructive behavior and just plain old bad luck. Unsurpringly, they were always good, caring people who didn't deserve to die the ways they did. My first love was shot to death at 17 by her ex boyfriend's father, an obsessive stalker who had previously r**ed her, all because she had low self-worth and chose to be with the wrong person. She was one of the sweetest, most genuine people I ever knew. I still cry when I think about her. And she died almost 20 years ago.

Those of us left grieved, attended funerals, what have you. But after a while those people were spoken about less and less until one day they weren't talked about at all anymore. And to an extent I get it - if we grieve forever, our lives will soon become bitter and empty. But I never hear anyone share happy memories or reminisce fondly. So I go a bit overboard, I think, to make up for it in my mind and my emotions - I visit their obituary pages often, I visit graves that are closeby often. When I still had social media I would post anniversary remembrances when no one else would. I even started ripping and archiving videos from YouTube of news stories about my friend who died so violently. It's like a hardline mission I've taken on to ensure their memories don't fade.

When I ask myself why I do this, I figure it's because I don't feel anyone will do the same for me, not even that first initial round of grief as all of my friends have either died or dropped me at this point. So I overcompensate for those I feel were forgotten, because they at least deserve to be remembered by someone who will remember them while I'm still here, even if I won't receive the same treatment when I catch the bus.

This is really beautifully said. I think it all counts. Your first love sounds like she's someone worth remembering, I hope she's found a peaceful place to rest now. And now, even in the smallest way, I'm able to remember her for a while. My godmother committed suicide when I was very young, and although no one talked about it, there was a silent understanding that her husband was abusive and drove her to it. The one memory I really have of her is when she taught me origami on my birthday... I can barely remember her face but for some reason I can remember how warm her smile was. I don't think I've ever told that to anyone, but I'm glad to have thrown it out into the universe so I didn't die with it, and maybe someone here can read this and remember her too.

For what it's worth, I'll remember you saying this to me until I'm gone too. I know I don't really know you, but you sound incredibly kind. I'm sure there will be people who think about you years after your passing and remember you fondly

My daughter would remember me, and my brother. That's it. I don't do it because of my daughter. She's the only thing keeping me around.

It's always strange for me to see parents on this site, because my mother is the only one keeping me around right now, so I feel like I have the opposite perspective... I don't think I can ever understand what it's like to be a parent, but I do know just how intense the bond between a parent and a child can be. I think it's incredibly admirable for you to try and hang on for her sake <3 Best of luck to you

I will remember you if just by your awesome looking avatar. That said I won't be alive forever, so don't count on it being long lasting. Thought that counts though?

Oh man, I actually edited the pink parts in just to make it more of an eye strain to look at, so I'm glad you think so LOL

And it definitely counts. Your profile is one that I recognize instantly too. Regardless of when we leave it's nice to know that in some way, we knew each other :')

 

[nopointinlivingg]

For what it's worth, I'll remember you saying this to me until I'm gone too. I know I don't really know you, but you sound incredibly kind. I'm sure there will be people who think about you years after your passing and remember you fondly

Thank you

 

[Mayonaise]

We have to make a distinction between "forgetting" and "moving on". You may never be forgotten even though, as time passes, the pain from your loss will subdue.
But it has to be this way: why would you want your loved ones and friends to spend the rest of their lives in neverending mourning and torment? They deserve some peace of mind too. This doesn't mean that you'll be forgotten at all.
I sense a lot of sadness and sensitivity in what you wrote. Sensitivity is a wonderful thing - even if sometimes it's difficult to manage - and I honestly don't believe your passing would go completely unnoticed.
Sometimes you don't realize how affectionate people may be until something happens. An ex coworker of mine, who I believed being completely uncaring about me, showed an unexpected affection when I told him about my issues.
To sum it up, who wants to forget you will do so no matter what, who cares and wants to support you will do so even if you don't expect it.

I wonder if anyone will put me on their list.

You are on my list already, I'm actually going to follow you. Apart from your beautiful username, you seem to be a wonderful soul and I'll be glad to read your next posts.
As far as I'm concerned, you will not be forgotten.

 

[february in alaska]

We have to make a distinction between "forgetting" and "moving on". You may never be forgotten even though, as time passes, the pain from your loss will subdue.
But it has to be this way: why would you want your loved ones and friends to spend the rest of their lives in neverending mourning and torment? They deserve some peace of mind too. This doesn't mean that you'll be forgotten at all.
I sense a lot of sadness and sensitivity in what you wrote. Sensitivity is a wonderful thing - even if sometimes it's difficult to manage - and I honestly don't believe your passing would go completely unnoticed.
Sometimes you don't realize how affectionate people may be until something happens. An ex coworker of mine, who I believed being completely uncaring about me, showed an unexpected affection when I told him about my issues.
To sum it up, who wants to forget you will do so no matter what, who cares and wants to support you will do so even if you don't expect it.

You are on my list already, I'm actually going to follow you. Apart from your beautiful username, you seem to be a wonderful soul and I'll be glad to read your next posts.
As far as I'm concerned, you will not be forgotten.

Thank you. I hope you're right. Even just someone having a passing thought of me after I'm gone sounds so nice

 

[dreamingofrest]

Thank you. I hope you're right. Even just someone having a passing thought of me after I'm gone sounds so nice

I completely understand this, I want the people in my life to be able to look back on me with fond memories and be comforted by that.
I think everyone will be remembered somehow… we don't go through life without affecting others in some way. I know this thread and all its comments have made an impact on me and I'll be thinking of it going into the future.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

People will care, and remember. I remember the suicide of a person I didn't even particularly like. I didn't dislike him much either. But I still remember him.

 

[february in alaska]

People will care, and remember. I remember the suicide of a person I didn't even particularly like. I didn't dislike him much either. But I still remember him.

I hope you're right. I still wish there was a way to see how people react after I'm gone.... obviously I wouldn't want to watch people I love grieve, but people's true colors only come out after you're gone. But I know it's useless to worry about too much

 

[atthedoor]

Obviously not talking about my parents here. More like distant acquaintances, old friends, people who have interacted with me online, classmates, coworkers. I feel like a lot of them will say "aw that's so sad" in a really general sense, but nobody will really be affected or care much. If they care, it'll probably just be their own grief or empathy at hearing about someone dying, not grieving me specifically.

I've already said I don't want to hurt my family, so this feels super weird to say, but I hope at least a few other people are sad to see me go. I hope I had some kind of significance or impact on someone else, even if I didn't really do anything of worth or make any best friends or change anyone's life. I hope I meant something, even if life is all bullshit anyway. I don't want anyone to be devastated but I hope I'm missed. The idea of being forgotten two weeks later.... my classmates have to keep pushing forward, focus on their exams, stop looking at the empty seat where I used to be..... my coworkers welcoming a new employee who will start using my locker..... bus drivers, cashiers, all the passing strangers I saw never thinking twice when they never see me again. It makes me feel kind of achy. Maybe I want to be forgotten, I don't know. It just hurts, even if I never gave anyone a real reason to care

I think it's why I remind myself almost daily of people who I've lost. I did my best not to forget a single person. I wonder if anyone will do that for me, after I'm gone. I hope so. I'm sure my account here will inevitably be buried with the rest of everyone who has already gone, replaced by people going through their own struggles and the same worries and thoughts, but I've seen some of you guys mention users that you miss. I wonder if anyone will put me on their list. Realistically, probably not. I'm just glad I know I'll be able to talk to people on here up until the end. One of my favorite things about SaSu is the fact that people reply so much, I've never really felt ignored here, and I know when I post my own goodbye thread people will be wishing me off. That's more comforting than anything else

i will remember you. you made me feel like there was someone else thinking the same thing as me and i will remember it. take care.

 

[february in alaska]

i will remember you. you made me feel like there was someone else thinking the same thing as me and i will remember it. take care.

Thank you stranger. I know I'll remember all of these conversations until the end comes. Best of luck to you too

 

[theskyisred]

Obviously not talking about my parents here. More like distant acquaintances, old friends, people who have interacted with me online, classmates, coworkers. I feel like a lot of them will say "aw that's so sad" in a really general sense, but nobody will really be affected or care much. If they care, it'll probably just be their own grief or empathy at hearing about someone dying, not grieving me specifically.

I've already said I don't want to hurt my family, so this feels super weird to say, but I hope at least a few other people are sad to see me go. I hope I had some kind of significance or impact on someone else, even if I didn't really do anything of worth or make any best friends or change anyone's life. I hope I meant something, even if life is all bullshit anyway. I don't want anyone to be devastated but I hope I'm missed. The idea of being forgotten two weeks later.... my classmates have to keep pushing forward, focus on their exams, stop looking at the empty seat where I used to be..... my coworkers welcoming a new employee who will start using my locker..... bus drivers, cashiers, all the passing strangers I saw never thinking twice when they never see me again. It makes me feel kind of achy. Maybe I want to be forgotten, I don't know. It just hurts, even if I never gave anyone a real reason to care

I think it's why I remind myself almost daily of people who I've lost. I did my best not to forget a single person. I wonder if anyone will do that for me, after I'm gone. I hope so. I'm sure my account here will inevitably be buried with the rest of everyone who has already gone, replaced by people going through their own struggles and the same worries and thoughts, but I've seen some of you guys mention users that you miss. I wonder if anyone will put me on their list. Realistically, probably not. I'm just glad I know I'll be able to talk to people on here up until the end. One of my favorite things about SaSu is the fact that people reply so much, I've never really felt ignored here, and I know when I post my own goodbye thread people will be wishing me off. That's more comforting than anything else

In 50 years no 1 will remember any of us. No 1 is that important

 

[MiMif]

Obviously not talking about my parents here. More like distant acquaintances, old friends, people who have interacted with me online, classmates, coworkers. I feel like a lot of them will say "aw that's so sad" in a really general sense, but nobody will really be affected or care much. If they care, it'll probably just be their own grief or empathy at hearing about someone dying, not grieving me specifically.

I've already said I don't want to hurt my family, so this feels super weird to say, but I hope at least a few other people are sad to see me go. I hope I had some kind of significance or impact on someone else, even if I didn't really do anything of worth or make any best friends or change anyone's life. I hope I meant something, even if life is all bullshit anyway. I don't want anyone to be devastated but I hope I'm missed. The idea of being forgotten two weeks later.... my classmates have to keep pushing forward, focus on their exams, stop looking at the empty seat where I used to be..... my coworkers welcoming a new employee who will start using my locker..... bus drivers, cashiers, all the passing strangers I saw never thinking twice when they never see me again. It makes me feel kind of achy. Maybe I want to be forgotten, I don't know. It just hurts, even if I never gave anyone a real reason to care

I think it's why I remind myself almost daily of people who I've lost. I did my best not to forget a single person. I wonder if anyone will do that for me, after I'm gone. I hope so. I'm sure my account here will inevitably be buried with the rest of everyone who has already gone, replaced by people going through their own struggles and the same worries and thoughts, but I've seen some of you guys mention users that you miss. I wonder if anyone will put me on their list. Realistically, probably not. I'm just glad I know I'll be able to talk to people on here up until the end. One of my favorite things about SaSu is the fact that people reply so much, I've never really felt ignored here, and I know when I post my own goodbye thread people will be wishing me off. That's more comforting than anything else

Honestly same. People really just don't care and I like that I get attention on sasu for my troubles instead of being shut out and ignored.

However I can't really blame people for not caring as I can't bring myself to get invested in anyone elses life either. I'm too caught up with ending mine. I guess I'm a little self absorbed.

I feel its the same for a lot of other people..as a matter of fact when others go to people with their troubles they are often labeled attention seekers and ridiculed. I'm not sure why this is to be honest I think it's just everyone feels that they suffer and no one's suffering is worst then theirs but they aren't complaining so what gives the other person the right to complain.

I let people complain to me and try to comfort (though I suck at it) even though they won't do it to me in turn but thags just cause i know how awful the feeling of no one caring for your suffering is. Even if I don't care I atleast try my best to pretend to tk care