Won the lottery... my SN arrived

[justanotherstar]

I have just received my SN and I feel like I've won the lottery. Suddenly my urgency to CTB has decreased, my agitation gone knowing I will no longer have to end my life by hanging myself or another method which I was terrified about. I know not everyone agrees with SN being a peaceful method but for me it's my choice. I've done enough research to take the risk. I don't expect a painless death that is free from suffering but I do know this is the most peaceful method I have access to. I have some Nitrate on order should I run into any sticky situations. I have Olanzapine as an AE, an OTC antacid Rennie (if you're in the UK and can suggest a better OTC drug I would be interested to hear what), and I have Paramol which is the strongest OTC painkiller. I also have diazepam to help me along my way. The only thing I've missed off the elaborate shopping list is propanalol but I feel okay about not having this, i think I can handle the discomfort of a racing heart. I have accidentally OD on coke one time and I imagine it would be no worse than that. I have scales to weigh out the SN and plan to test the purity by blood test but on inspection it's looking good. I plan to follow the stat dose plan:


8 hour Fast (minimum)


1 hour prior - 1000/15mg Paramol (painkiller)

45 mins prior - 20mg Olanzapine (usual dose)

30 mins prior - 680/80mg x2 Rennie (double dose of antacid)

SN - 25g in 50ml water


Second glass of SN prepared as back up.



QUESTION - best time to take diazepam? It kicks in 15-60minutes after the dose when taken orally. I have a dose of 20mg and know this won't sedate me massively as I can take in excess of 50/60mg at a time and still be awake. I'm like terminator when it comes to being affected by meds. Any suggestions?



Practically I'm ready. I promised I would give my family one good last Christmas and I have some affairs to put in order and commitments in January which I will honour but my plan is to go ahead with my plan following that so I won't be disappearing immediately. There is only one more thing I am bothered about and it is where to take the SN...



The easiest and most comfortable place for me to take SN is at home, I live alone so won't be disturbed. However, I speak to my mom daily and if my parents can't get hold of me and they start to worry they have keys to my flat and will come over and I really don't want my parents to be the ones that find me :-(



If it were my choice I would travel out to a woods somewhere and take the SN there and CTB in nature but I have limited mobility and can't walk very far, I don't have access to a car and public transport is too far away as I live out in the sticks a little. Therefore this isn't really viable.m, especially as the UK is also banning travel due to COVID and don't see that being much different in January.



So I'm left with how I can raise the alarm with someone to find me without alerting anyone to my plans before I've done it. I live in supported accommodation and I'm under a mental health team so if I go missing in action people will welfare check relatively quickly. I need to think more about this but any suggestions welcome

Thanks for reading this far :-)

 

[Sherri]

Remember it lasts 3 years if un opened. So think this well ok? Hugs hun.

 

[justanotherstar]

Remember it lasts 3 years if un opened. So think this well ok? Hugs hun.

Thanks Sherri, I don't think I really believed I could pull off getting SN been expecting it to fail sonic in shock a little. I'm surprised my urgency has dropped so yeah I definitely will think things through and maybe stick around longer.

 

[mirko]

You can take it in the evening or in the early night, so the people that look over you will find you in the morning

 

[Sherri]

Thanks Sherri, I don't think I really believed I could pull off getting SN been expecting it to fail sonic in shock a little. I'm surprised my urgency has dropped so yeah I definitely will think things through and maybe stick around longer.

I have mine for almost 3 months. Unsealed. Feels quite empowering.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I have mine for almost 3 months. Unsealed. Feels quite empowering.

I'm very excited to get it. I have a lot of anxiety about not being able to bail out of an increasingly hellish world and having it as a comfort object would help tremendously.

 

[Sherri]

I'm very excited to get it. I have a lot of anxiety about not being able to bail out of an increasingly hellish world and having it as a comfort object would help tremendously.

Mine is hiding inside a shoe lol

 

[Deleted member 23885]

Lucky you. I wish i was that lucky.

 

[Endeavour]

It's funny isn't it, it arrives and then you feel less suicidal for a bit. Then you realise you have to actually drink it rather than just imagine that's what you'd do if you had it.

I'm stuck at that bit. Eventually the time will be right and I'll do it, it's going to be some time after Christmas day, might be January.

The only thing keeping me hanging on right now (this is nuts) is wanting to see if I'm right about covid and if there is going to suddenly be a sharp rise in serious cases and if there is going to be a great reset.

LoL - I love dystopian films, I don't want to miss the ending when I'm actually living in a real one.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

It's funny isn't it, it arrives and then you feel less suicidal for a bit. Then you realise you have to actually drink it rather than just imagine that's what you'd do if you had it.

I'm stuck at that bit. Eventually the time will be right and I'll do it, it's going to be some time after Christmas day, might be January.

The only thing keeping me hanging on right now (this is nuts) is wanting to see if I'm right about covid and if there is going to suddenly be a sharp rise in serious cases and if there is going to be a great reset.

LoL - I love dystopian films, I don't want to miss the ending when I'm actually living in a real one.

I'm actually highly motivated to procure SN as a hedge against collapse. I've long been a believer in it and my career is in a field where i'm exposed to a lot of information about it, plus i've seen collapse in a localized context and I'm terrified of not having the means to CTB should the time come.

 

[Endeavour]

I'm actually highly motivated to procure SN as a hedge against collapse. I've long been a believer in it and my career is in a field where i'm exposed to a lot of information about it, plus i've seen collapse in a localized context and I'm terrified of not having the means to CTB should the time come.

That is literally the only reason I'm prepared to hang on and see what happens - because if the shit hits the fan I can be permanently out of here in less than 24 hours.

 

[WornOutLife]

Good for you! Now you just gotta decide when the best time to take it.
I wish I could get some SN!

Hugs to you and good luck!

 

[Sakura94]

I think quite a few of our members took it at night in their parent's home while they were asleep and they found them the next day. A night should be more than enough time but you can double check.

Edit: Oops, I completely misread your OP. Yes scheduled email might be a good idea...I'm not sure how to get around this. At some point they will have to identify you though.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I think quite a few of our members took it at night in their parents home while they were asleep and they found them the next day. A night should be more than enough time but you can double check.

It seems based off what most people say the time to death is usually something like a few hours. If i had to put an exact number i would say two?

 

[Mthom2]

I feel bad that I have some, when some others can't get any. Yet decided that I don't want to use that method. Now I'm planning to start on an inert gas method. I'd share if I knew I wouldn't be thrown into prison until I broke down and hung myself with a sheet or really pissed off Bertha and her crew of shank wielders.

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

Bertha

who is bertha? lol

 

[Mthom2]

You know, Big Bertha. The biggest, meanest woman in any female prison.

 

[polarbear]

I have just received my SN and I feel like I've won the lottery. Suddenly my urgency to CTB has decreased, my agitation gone knowing I will no longer have to end my life by hanging myself or another method which I was terrified about. I know not everyone agrees with SN being a peaceful method but for me it's my choice. I've done enough research to take the risk. I don't expect a painless death that is free from suffering but I do know this is the most peaceful method I have access to. I have some Nitrate on order should I run into any sticky situations. I have Olanzapine as an AE, an OTC antacid Rennie (if you're in the UK and can suggest a better OTC drug I would be interested to hear what), and I have Paramol which is the strongest OTC painkiller. I also have diazepam to help me along my way. The only thing I've missed off the elaborate shopping list is propanalol but I feel okay about not having this, i think I can handle the discomfort of a racing heart. I have accidentally OD on coke one time and I imagine it would be no worse than that. I have scales to weigh out the SN and plan to test the purity by blood test but on inspection it's looking good. I plan to follow the stat dose plan:


8 hour Fast (minimum)


1 hour prior - 1000/15mg Paramol (painkiller)

45 mins prior - 20mg Olanzapine (usual dose)

30 mins prior - 680/80mg x2 Rennie (double dose of antacid)

SN - 25g in 50ml water


Second glass of SN prepared as back up.



QUESTION - best time to take diazepam? It kicks in 15-60minutes after the dose when taken orally. I have a dose of 20mg and know this won't sedate me massively as I can take in excess of 50/60mg at a time and still be awake. I'm like terminator when it comes to being affected by meds. Any suggestions?



Practically I'm ready. I promised I would give my family one good last Christmas and I have some affairs to put in order and commitments in January which I will honour but my plan is to go ahead with my plan following that so I won't be disappearing immediately. There is only one more thing I am bothered about and it is where to take the SN...



The easiest and most comfortable place for me to take SN is at home, I live alone so won't be disturbed. However, I speak to my mom daily and if my parents can't get hold of me and they start to worry they have keys to my flat and will come over and I really don't want my parents to be the ones that find me :-(



If it were my choice I would travel out to a woods somewhere and take the SN there and CTB in nature but I have limited mobility and can't walk very far, I don't have access to a car and public transport is too far away as I live out in the sticks a little. Therefore this isn't really viable.m, especially as the UK is also banning travel due to COVID and don't see that being much different in January.



So I'm left with how I can raise the alarm with someone to find me without alerting anyone to my plans before I've done it. I live in supported accommodation and I'm under a mental health team so if I go missing in action people will welfare check relatively quickly. I need to think more about this but any suggestions welcome

Thanks for reading this far :-)

where did you get it?can you msg me,please

 

[Lostandlooking]

About you concerns raising the alarm; Like others said you can take it just before bedtime. You can also schedule an email. Possibly to emergency services. Although I don't think they always have an email to contact them on. You could also schedule the email to your loved ones. And instruct them to call the police. When there's a death like this, police will always be involved. I would place a note on my bedroom door. With a warning and instructions for police to enter but no-one else. That way hopefully my loved ones won't be the ones to find me. Although they will be present at the time. Just not the ones to open the door and find me. They could ofcourse ignore your request to call emergency services and find you themselves. But you can't control that.

I'm glad getting SN has brought you some relief. I wish you the best, whatever you may choose is best for you

edit: schedule the email a reasonable amount of time after you ctb. I'd say 12 hours.

 

[justanotherstar]

Thanks everyone, yes I think in regards to being found I plan to take the SN around 9pm and just lie down as if I were going to bed early. My parents wouldn't be concerned until the following evening if they hadn't heard from me so finding a way to raise the alarm the following morning/afternoon would be ideal. If I sent an email to my mental health team outside of hours they wouldn't pick it up until 9am the next day and I could advise of my actions ask them to contact the police. I just feel bad for my nurse who would be the one to pick up the email, there is no way to end things without someone having to be shit upon :-( sometimes I wish I cared less but that's not me.

 

[I want to end it]

I wonder if the OP went through with it? Their name isn't crossed out

 

[Echo81]

I feel like I'm in the minority about scheduled emails or texts. Obviously there is an intended result but ultimately you never know what is going to happen.
Also have a fear that it will convert to sodium nitrate through spontaneous conversion.
I would open it until literally right before.
Maybe you can use salt to weigh out and practice.
You live alone. You mom will check on you. All you need is a few hours. Just let her come over and find you. Put a sheet over the door and a big sign.
When I was trying to ctb last month in hotel rooms I fashioned a barrier with the ironing board and tacked construction paper with permanent markers like call 911, do not look , I am injured or dead.

 

[Georgiana Darcy]

I have just received my SN and I feel like I've won the lottery. Suddenly my urgency to CTB has decreased, my agitation gone knowing I will no longer have to end my life by hanging myself or another method which I was terrified about. I know not everyone agrees with SN being a peaceful method but for me it's my choice. I've done enough research to take the risk. I don't expect a painless death that is free from suffering but I do know this is the most peaceful method I have access to. I have some Nitrate on order should I run into any sticky situations. I have Olanzapine as an AE, an OTC antacid Rennie (if you're in the UK and can suggest a better OTC drug I would be interested to hear what), and I have Paramol which is the strongest OTC painkiller. I also have diazepam to help me along my way. The only thing I've missed off the elaborate shopping list is propanalol but I feel okay about not having this, i think I can handle the discomfort of a racing heart. I have accidentally OD on coke one time and I imagine it would be no worse than that. I have scales to weigh out the SN and plan to test the purity by blood test but on inspection it's looking good. I plan to follow the stat dose plan:


8 hour Fast (minimum)


1 hour prior - 1000/15mg Paramol (painkiller)

45 mins prior - 20mg Olanzapine (usual dose)

30 mins prior - 680/80mg x2 Rennie (double dose of antacid)

SN - 25g in 50ml water


Second glass of SN prepared as back up.



QUESTION - best time to take diazepam? It kicks in 15-60minutes after the dose when taken orally. I have a dose of 20mg and know this won't sedate me massively as I can take in excess of 50/60mg at a time and still be awake. I'm like terminator when it comes to being affected by meds. Any suggestions?



Practically I'm ready. I promised I would give my family one good last Christmas and I have some affairs to put in order and commitments in January which I will honour but my plan is to go ahead with my plan following that so I won't be disappearing immediately. There is only one more thing I am bothered about and it is where to take the SN...



The easiest and most comfortable place for me to take SN is at home, I live alone so won't be disturbed. However, I speak to my mom daily and if my parents can't get hold of me and they start to worry they have keys to my flat and will come over and I really don't want my parents to be the ones that find me :-(



If it were my choice I would travel out to a woods somewhere and take the SN there and CTB in nature but I have limited mobility and can't walk very far, I don't have access to a car and public transport is too far away as I live out in the sticks a little. Therefore this isn't really viable.m, especially as the UK is also banning travel due to COVID and don't see that being much different in January.



So I'm left with how I can raise the alarm with someone to find me without alerting anyone to my plans before I've done it. I live in supported accommodation and I'm under a mental health team so if I go missing in action people will welfare check relatively quickly. I need to think more about this but any suggestions welcome

Thanks for reading this far :-)

I am glad for you. And a little jealous. I am trying to get SN myself. Desperately.