Story Witnessed a traumatic event - Seeing myself in a suicide victim.

[Gangrel]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to write and share something deeply distressing that happened with me a few years ago.

While I was at a public park that has a church on its grounds, I unfortunately kind of witnessed a person take their own life. This experience has been incredibly traumatic for me, and I'm struggling with the emotional aftermath because i see myself on them everyday. Apparently they kneeled in front of the church and shot themselves on the head. I heard the gunshot and then there was a big commotion and he was laying there with some blood around it, when i saw that my vision felt blurry and i started to hyper ventilate. I went home quickly and tried to not think about what just happened, but i end up seeing the news for it and i think about that a lot ever since it happened.

Since i'm suicidal as well i keep seeing myself on that person, when i'm lost in thoughts i usually think of my body in a lifeless state, by gunshot or hanging usually.

Has anyone here experienced something similar, or do you have any suggestions on how to cope with such a situation?

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

[Davey40210]

The only similar experience I had was a car accident where a guy was laying on the road getting first aid by medics and his head was all messed up and bloody with like his brain exposed. I don't remember exactly what I saw, it was quite some time ago. But I remember he was screaming in pain so loud.

Not sure how to cope with it.. I think just let time heal it.

 

[AbusedInnocent]

Yeah I wouldn't CTB in public so I don't traumatize anyone, otherwise I might have considered CTB by train.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

I watched and waited as two relatives were taken off life support. One I loved more than words can describe, the other I had compassion for but could deal with. Words to deal with the latter, I'd say... Know that you know you were not apart of that person's story, and if you were it likely would not have mattered. You were just there coincidentally to unfortunately witness something truly awful.
I'm sure they did not intend for there to be witnesses and did not intend to cause harm to any who did. I'm also sure they would want you to try to heal from this as best you can and not have their worst moment affect you, as I'm sure if the tables were turned you'd wish the same. Envision the advice you'd give if your ctb were witnessed like this and the transference had this effect on them. Hth

 

[Gangrel]

I watched and waited as two relatives were taken off life support. One I loved more than words can describe, the other I had compassion for but could deal with. Words to deal with the latter, I'd say... Know that you know you were not apart of that person's story, and if you were it likely would not have mattered. You were just there coincidentally to unfortunately witness something truly awful.
I'm sure they did not intend for there to be witnesses and did not intend to cause harm to any who did. I'm also sure they would want you to try to heal from this as best you can and not have their worst moment affect you, as I'm sure if the tables were turned you'd wish the same. Envision the advice you'd give if your ctb were witnessed like this and the transference had this effect on them. Hth

I understand, i don't really blame them. Seeing them do that just gives me urges to do it myself. Though i felt very sorry for him, i wish i could've done something, but so is life.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

I understand, i don't really blame them. Seeing them do that just gives me urges to do it myself. Though i felt very sorry for him, i wish i could've done something, but so is life.

I see. Suicide does have a contagious effect...
Even if you had been able to stop him, he likely would've tried again.

 

[CantDoIt]

I'm so sorry you're had to go through that. Have you talked to a therapist about your thoughts? I frequently imagine myself in a similar state, but I've never witnessed a suicide.

It sounds like these are kind of intrusive thoughts, which I do have. I have to sort of block them out by purposely emptying my mind or by trying to think of something else.

 

[JessIsAlive]

Yeah I wouldn't CTB in public so I don't traumatize anyone, otherwise I might have considered CTB by train.

I've strongly considered the train, it feels like a 100% chance of death; lay down your neck on the tracks and be decapitated
I saw pictures of one girl who did this very thing once
but it would be so traumatizing for the train driver/people who pick up your body parts + your family would have to identify that its you and look at your mutilated corpse

mostly out of care for my family I want to use poision/SN, suicide cyanide capsules always appealed to me ever since I was a kid, and that way my family won't have to identify a mutilated body