Without the forums

[mortuarymary]

Where do you think you'd be without Sasu?

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

On 4chan or some kind of different board

 

[mortuarymary]

Probably stuck on the bipolar page on Facebook.

 

[SexyIncél]

Definitely dead. Wouldn't have met people who saved me, right before I boomsticked my head off

Also dumber, because my cognition was greatly damaged. SaSu's domain of discussion is existence & nonexistence. A wee bit broad. I can explore ideas with interested people. (Fortunately, the uninterested can hit the ignore button)

Back then, I felt like an animal who dreamt it was once human. That's how damaged my cognition was

Maybe still gonna die in the next months... but definitely happier; death'd be a side effect of doing something lethal I love. And the burst of energy caused me to help improve the lives of those around me

 

[dinosavr]

God knows… Chances are I'd be in a hospital facing a lifetime of disability after jumping out of a not high enough building/bridge.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Probably dead.

I was deeply depressed, very suicidal, I had my method ready and was just 1 step away from attempting when I applied for an account. Idk but I'm pretty sure I would've attempted and most likely successful if I did not find SaSu. SaSu saved me for now without SaSu it'd be so much worse.

 

[silent.desperation]

Ironically, this forum makes me feel heard and thus I feel better since joining

 

[wCvML2]

Probably suffering the aftermath of a poorly executed attempt or dead. This site ironically prolonged my life by dangling the carrot of a supposed peaceful method that might exist around the corner.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

I would have acted sooner but also more clumsy and less deceisive.

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

Reddit.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd still be suffering in this cruel, futile existence and wanting to die because sadly there is no peaceful exit. This forum doesn't mean anything to me, like it's just a forum after all.

 

[Chocomel]

God knows… Chances are I'd be in a hospital facing a lifetime of disability after jumping out of a not high enough building/bridge.

This tbh. I don't know how to do 'good' method and probably disabled. This website teach me more than I expected it to be.

 

[FutureHanger]

I'd have desperately tried jumping or train though realistically my underestimation of SI would lead to me having a change of heart then thinking that's "proof" I want to live and still give my miserable life another half hearted shot because I'd be stuck not knowing how to kms with my limited resources, maybe I'd fly to USA and get a gun over there or without any knowledge of how to navigate illegal markets, find a telegram chat claiming to sell guns or lethal drugs and try ODing on opioids or shooting myself in the head (though without the firearms megathread I'd risk brain damage a lot more as I'd try shooting my forehead lol ). No matter how I look at it I'd either be a vegetable, in a psych ward or someone living a life out of necessity with no way out, funny how Tantacrul and pro-lifers would rather risk people like me living like that than just give us a way out, I'm so thankful this forum hasn't been taken down.

This website teach me more than I expected it to be.

same I really underestimated just how many different ways you could die. I thought there'd only be like 4 effective methods and didn't think there's a way of increasing effectiveness of risky methods like jumping.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Still alive, still breathing, still hopeless. If ever i'd have CTB without Sasu it would have been by driving my car off a cliff.

 

[TAW122]

I may not have had the platform to vent and share my ideas, and most certainly would be much less knowledgeable about other methods and only limited to ones that I know of (firearms, hanging, jumping, OD'ing, etc.). Then worse yet, I would have all the wrong ideas about method execution and not know all the pros and cons of each one. Additionally, without having a platform to vent and share my ideas, I'd probably end up doing something stupid IRL and making my life even worse (probably due to breakdown and bottling everything up). I was without SaSu until late 2018, and since then I've acted out IRL (without mentioning CTB or anything) and that only caused me suffering in the end (short term victories and gains, but no longer term benefits).

 

[AshersGirl]

Feeling even more isolated and alien than I do on the daily. SaSu doesn't negate it but it definitely brings me some small comfort in knowing it's not just me that thinks or feels this way. Although I also feel sad because I know how much suffering goes along with it all.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Respectfully you must be blind then to how that contradicts your desperate wish to be able to vent and the fact that sasu is supposed to be the only place where you can do that. Then there's the 32000+ posts you have. You wouldn't spend so much time on something that didn't serve an important purpose in the absence of your true desire not to exist.

You always say this to them but surely just because they spend so much time here doesn't mean that they like it. Maybe this is the wrong analogy to use but, imo, it sounds like the equivalent of telling somebody trapped in am abusive relationship that they like being trapped in the relationship just because they interact a lot with the abuser.

They even said time and time again that they vent on here to merely pass the time. Even venting about how awful this site is and how venting here isn't fun anymore etc is in itself a vent that has been made to pass time. After all, wasting time venting here means less time gets dedicated to irl things. Alternatively, they just vent here because it's all they know to do; maybe they enjoyed it at one point but that faded and they simply don't know how to stop

In a way, I sort of interpret their endless venting as a sort of symbolism in the sense that what will stop them from venting on here is death (or getting banned from the site or the site itself getting closed but lets just assume these outcomes won't happen). It's almost a sort of "I'll continue to vent here until I'm dead" thing and it fits their character really well.

I honestly shouldn't be writing so much about them when it's pointless in the end but, hey, I'm just doing this to pass time too and I assume this is FC's mindset from the last 32k posts too. Either way, I don't think that they should be treated badly just because they post a lot here even if they don't like doing it and criticises the site badly quite frequently. She deserves compassion as much as the rest of us here do

 

[wisp]

In a club drinking some alcohol alone, like I did in the past. I'll probably go back to doing it, before CTB, I want to feel that thrill of life that alcoholism gave me again

 

[ijustwishtodie]

You spend all of that referring to her as 'they' only to end it with 'she'.

Oh yeah, my bad. I guess I should have been consistent all the way through. Thanks for pointing that out

And I disagree because she could easily just vent on a word app or something,

Now that you mention it, I guess she could. After all, she doesn't really interact with anybody here to begin with you unless if somebody were to ask her a question on her profile. I guess there's an incomplete picture here as, with the way that she does currently vent, it wouldn't be any different from venting on a piece of paper or a vent app if she doesn't really care about what people have to say

you choose to be on here because here is a community of like minded individuals coming to this site for different personal reasons. She simply has an issue with the moderators removing and locking the overly divisive or critical threads and chooses to adopt the narrative that members of this site who chose to become moderators are somehow pro-life even though we all know they get banned very quickly on here.

I think I can see both perspectives here. Usually, whenever her threads are locked, they're locked because some threads sounds more controversial than others which causes members with varying intensity of attitudes regarding life to argue with each other and so the mods lock the thread to stop the arguments from spreading as, after all, when do online arguments end up to be a good thing? Though, FC took the locked threads to mean that the mods were against her venting which I guess I can see how she concluded with that.

I do think that people here aren't really on FC's level of disliking life... obviously since many people disagree with her to begin with though I'd say that the current moderators are the best there has been... and I'd say that the admin RaS is amazing too. Usually most admins tend to go on a power trip but RaS seems more relaxed and genuinely does seem like a pro choice individual who cares about the users here, especially FC. I've seen many users attempt to ask the admin to get her banned due to how tantacrul painted her as a malicious user due to the whole cake123 thing but the admin remained neutral throughout it.

All of the previous paragraph is long winded (and intentionally so) but the point of it is that the admin as well as the mods do seem like pro choice people. If they were replaced with other people, I think that this site would be worse overall and that FC wouldn't even be here.

I shouldn't really be writing so much about a single user as, aside from how her mindset about life is different from others here (but also one that I oddly relate to.. to a high extent), she isn't really special. Though I don't really like to talk about special people either

 

[FutureHanger]

@ijustwishtodie Although I find the repetitive nature of FC's posts annoying I just ignore it and don't care too much, but I agree with you. Another thing I'd like to add is that @CTB_Coward may be forgetting that emotions override logic, FC is no exception and if anything considering how FC has been feeling the same emotion for years it must be so intense to the point that she has ended up developing an extreme level of cognitive dissonance without being aware of it. It's really no different to how when angry one may say or do things they know they shouldn't and will regret or how when one is in a state of euphoria no matter how shit their life is they start to think it's all sunshine and rainbows, intense emotions can convince you of all sorts of bullshit you don't realise is stupid until you've calmed down but it seems like FC never calms down.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Glad you agree. I did wanna add that on sasu @RainAndSadness is god, the overseer and the one who runs it and the moderators are like demigods with limited power having been given to them to police this vortual world around us.

Yeah, the moderators and admins here have really changed my perspective of admins and mods as a whole. Granted, I only heard about discord, reddit and twitch mods which aren't really a wide sample set but, nonetheless, it's nice seeing the admin and mods here care about the users here and do genuinely abide to their own rules

I'll have to go back and check tantacruls video as I never realised that it was @FuneralCry that he referenced towards cake123. I suppose @FuneralCry can't and shouldn't be banned anyway because you kinda also have to respect how someone who clearly isn't gonna CTB might be motivated to carelessly do so against her normal preferred judgement as a result of having something subconsciously so important to her removed.

I honestly think that video was why she stopped interacting with people. In the past, she interacted with more people but that seemed to stop early 2023. After all, I can only presume that so many people gave her a hard time due to the video. Also, yeah, tantacrul talks about how the user has over 16k posts (that's at the time of his recording) and how this user goes to almost every thread and, no matter what the thread is, they'll always say to the person at how life tough is and how she wishes them peace. And then he gives a quote which sounds like one of FCs vents so... one could connect the dots and see who he is referring to.

Oh, also, this will be my last post here regarding this topic as I didn't intend to derail this thread or talk badly about FC. Despite her flaws, her vents do give me a lot of comfort and I wish her nothing but peace even if that means permanent non existence. But, yeah, I'm gonna end my replies to this topic here so that this thread goes back on track (hopefully)

 

[Dliena]

Reddit Deaddit.

 

[Minsu]

Probably dead.

I was deeply depressed, very suicidal, I had my method ready and was just 1 step away from attempting when I applied for an account. Idk but I'm pretty sure I would've attempted and most likely successful if I did not find SaSu. SaSu saved me for now without SaSu it'd be so much worse.

What was your method if you don't mind asking me?

 

[UKscotty]

Probably one of the reddit or 4chan groups.

I do think the forum is generally well moderated but some mods are triggered too easily I think and censor stuff... but each to their own I guess.

I find it more of a support community than anything. Most people already know the main 10 methods people use to CTB, so there is not really much left to be said on actual methods, except a sense check of your setup or quantities I guess.

Unlike something like the suicide wiki, it's better to be interactive and around like minded people for me.

 

[ChoclateIsSweet]

I wish the media saw this thread too, or maybe they would've just ignored it. SaSu has probably saved a lot more lives than they would like to admit. Suicidal people will always be suicidal, with or without SaSu. Having a place to actually talk about it without any censors is the greatest comfort.

 

[picklealex]

Where do you think you'd be without Sasu?

I would probably be in a hospital, this place saved me from being a vegetable for my whole life

 

[deadbody]

Reddit, 4chan, or in the grave.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What was your method if you don't mind asking me?

CO with charcoal bc all I need is easily available and the method itself is very effective. I chose this method already many years ago.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

This forum has made me much calmer and less anxious about things. Something I've been working on in general over the last couple of years, and this site has helped in that regard.

I guess I'm using this place to try gain some sort of knowledge/wisdom from other people's perspective on life & death. And express my own perspective for whatever it's worth.

So sort of like a philosophical journey for however long I have left in this world. I struggle quite badly socially IRL, so this place allows me to connect somewhat with other people - even if I'm still not very good at forming strong bonds or friendships on here. It can be a very heavy place too though, so sometimes I take a bit of a break from it.

I guess without the forum, I would be just stuck in my own head with my own internal dialogue as I have been for over 20 years now.

 

[onetimereject]

probably dead after a painful and loathsome moment, or be in a hospital, probably disabled and hopeless. i wouldn't know a 'peaceful method' exist.

this place also somehow comforts me. just knowing nobody will judge me for the topic i speak.