Within the month

[MeowWantsToGoHome]

Hi guys,

I posted some backstory about myself already, so introductions aside…

This is it. I'm trying to stop saying "I think this is it" as much as possible, because that implies I'm uncertain of myself. I want this to be it. I'm trying to remind myself that the hesitation I'm feeling is just my survival instinct and a normal, healthy fear of the unknown. It's just my brain doing its biological duty in keeping me alive.

But what my soul wants is what matters, and my soul wants to go home. Back to the stars, back to what I believe is out there waiting for me. I'm not gonna bore you with my personal beliefs, though.

I want to do it before my birthday, which is the 21st of September. I definitely don't want to do it on the day, so at least maybe people can still somewhat differentiate my birthday from my death day. I truly didn't intend on my CTB time to fall around my birthday, but here we are.

As for my method, I'm going night-night. I thought about a gun since we're a southern household with a decent assortment of firearms, but there's a multitude of moral reasons why I wouldn't do that. I've tested blood choking myself before. Regardless of what some people think about it, from what I experienced—so long as you get the right spot—it doesn't feel bad at all. It's quick, it's relatively painless with no mess. Like so many people say, it's nature's power off button.

Sigh

There's more I wanted to do… I wanted to at least 100% Tears of the Kingdom, but damn is that game huge. I wanted to write a novel, but ADHD and depression triumphed over that dream. I wanted to own more guinea pigs because I love guinea pigs. I also wanted to be a small animal and exotics vet, but that would never have happened, even if I did stick around. I wish my little sister didn't have me blocked over some stupid little spit we had a few months ago so that I could at least tell her I love her.

Oh, well… Life isn't perfect. I did a lot of other things, I suppose. I also fucked up a lot, but I'm only human. Look at me trying to give myself grace that I don't even think I deserve.

I was born not belonging, and I'll die not belonging. I'll make another post when I'm about to do the deed. This is just a kind of… final thoughts thing, I guess. I love everybody reading this. You're worthy of compassion and understanding no matter your circumstances and no matter your choice to stay or go. No matter how selfish you think you're being. You can be selfish and still be deserving of compassion. This world is unfair and you need to do what's best for you.

Anyway, that was preachy, sorry. That's all for now. Bye-bye.

 

[Davey40210]

Good travels and hope you are right about home and the stars..

 

[MeowWantsToGoHome]

Good travels and hope you are right about home and the stars..

Thank you, I hope so, too. <3

 

[Ethel]

Good luck darling

 

[Slark]

Hi guys,

I posted some backstory about myself already, so introductions aside…

This is it. I'm trying to stop saying "I think this is it" as much as possible, because that implies I'm uncertain of myself. I want this to be it. I'm trying to remind myself that the hesitation I'm feeling is just my survival instinct and a normal, healthy fear of the unknown. It's just my brain doing its biological duty in keeping me alive.

But what my soul wants is what matters, and my soul wants to go home. Back to the stars, back to what I believe is out there waiting for me. I'm not gonna bore you with my personal beliefs, though.

I want to do it before my birthday, which is the 21st of September. I definitely don't want to do it on the day, so at least maybe people can still somewhat differentiate my birthday from my death day. I truly didn't intend on my CTB time to fall around my birthday, but here we are.

As for my method, I'm going night-night. I thought about a gun since we're a southern household with a decent assortment of firearms, but there's a multitude of moral reasons why I wouldn't do that. I've tested blood choking myself before. Regardless of what some people think about it, from what I experienced—so long as you get the right spot—it doesn't feel bad at all. It's quick, it's relatively painless with no mess. Like so many people say, it's nature's power off button.

Sigh

There's more I wanted to do… I wanted to at least 100% Tears of the Kingdom, but damn is that game huge. I wanted to write a novel, but ADHD and depression triumphed over that dream. I wanted to own more guinea pigs because I love guinea pigs. I also wanted to be a small animal and exotics vet, but that would never have happened, even if I did stick around. I wish my little sister didn't have me blocked over some stupid little spit we had a few months ago so that I could at least tell her I love her.

Oh, well… Life isn't perfect. I did a lot of other things, I suppose. I also fucked up a lot, but I'm only human. Look at me trying to give myself grace that I don't even think I deserve.

I was born not belonging, and I'll die not belonging. I'll make another post when I'm about to do the deed. This is just a kind of… final thoughts thing, I guess. I love everybody reading this. You're worthy of compassion and understanding no matter your circumstances and no matter your choice to stay or go. No matter how selfish you think you're being. You can be selfish and still be deserving of compassion. This world is unfair and you need to do what's best for you.

Anyway, that was preachy, sorry. That's all for now. Bye-bye.

You seem like an incredible person. I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point. I hope everything works out for you, whatever path you choose. If you want to talk, it would be a pleasure to talk to you.

 

[MeowWantsToGoHome]

You seem like an incredible person. I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point. I hope everything works out for you, whatever path you choose. If you want to talk, it would be a pleasure to talk to you.

Thank you, you're very kind. I'm definitely nothing incredible, though. I don't usually talk much, but I do appreciate the offer.

 

[lucmucpuc]

i hope you find your peace

 

[sugarb]

Man I really relate to wanting to go home to somewhere, and to wanting to write but being too ADHD/depressed. And being southern. Also you write a lot like me stylistically lol, more than anyone else I've met online at least
I'm sad I didn't meet you sooner, Meow. You seem cool

I hope everything goes well. Be careful and safe travels

also are you autistic?

 

[MeowWantsToGoHome]

Man I really relate to wanting to go home to somewhere, and to wanting to write but being too ADHD/depressed. And being southern. Also you write a lot like me stylistically lol, more than anyone else I've met online at least
I'm sad I didn't meet you sooner, Meow. You seem cool

I hope everything goes well. Be careful and safe travels

also are you autistic?

Aww, thank you, this is so sweet! And yeah, I'm autistic. Adult diagnosed, wish I'd found out earlier in life.

 

[sugarb]

Aww, thank you, this is so sweet! And yeah, I'm autistic. Adult diagnosed, wish I'd found out earlier in life.

Ofc! :D
on a tangent- I love meeting people who're autistic like me (ex: you woohoo!) but the fact that like half this site is autistic makes me sad when I think about it :( apparently we're extremely overrepresented in sui stats
on a more pleasant tangent I'm having a good day and hope you are too!

 

[MeowWantsToGoHome]

Ofc! :D
on a tangent- I love meeting people who're autistic like me (ex: you woohoo!) but the fact that like half this site is autistic makes me sad when I think about it :( apparently we're extremely overrepresented in sui stats
on a more pleasant tangent I'm having a good day and hope you are too!

It is really sad, isn't it? :/ Like I said, it's always made me feel like a straight up alien. Like living in a world that just doesn't fit you.

But yay, I'm glad you're having a good day, I've had a pretty decent day, too. <33

 

[divinemistress36]

My soul desperately wants to go back home also <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find what you are searching for, best wishes.

 

[MeowWantsToGoHome]

I hope that you find what you are searching for, best wishes.

Thank you.

 

[finalincarnate]

I dedicate to you this song ATB - Straight to the Stars

According to modern esoterics and communicators to dead, Souls plan multiple exit points before incarnating. If your soul activated this exit point, you will succeed. But if soul is unwilling to leave, You will fail to die. This you hear from a man who tried to kill himself multiple times and failed.

 

[MeowWantsToGoHome]

I dedicate to you this song ATB - Straight to the Stars

According to modern esoterics and communicators to dead, Souls plan multiple exit points before incarnating. If your soul activated this exit point, you will succeed. But if soul is unwilling to leave, You will fail to die. This you hear from a man who tried to kill himself multiple times and failed.

Thank you for your words and the song. It's very beautiful and meaningful.

 

[divinemistress36]

I dedicate to you this song ATB - Straight to the Stars

According to modern esoterics and communicators to dead, Souls plan multiple exit points before incarnating. If your soul activated this exit point, you will succeed. But if soul is unwilling to leave, You will fail to die. This you hear from a man who tried to kill himself multiple times and failed.

I've heard this as well that suicide is some peoples soul plan

 

[CantDoIt]

I've heard this as well that suicide is some peoples soul plan

There are those that will say you were meant to suffer through adversity, but I really do think that if we plan our lives than suicide could be planned as well and would represent an exit point.

 

[complex]

It is really sad, isn't it? :/ Like I said, it's always made me feel like a straight up alien. Like living in a world that just doesn't fit you.

But yay, I'm glad you're having a good day, I've had a pretty decent day, too. <33

Yes thats exactly it. I don't fit and am tired...no exhausted from trying to as its never gonna happen and i don't want to keep masking ME
I hope you find your stars and shine bright and i hope you find rest more then anything. U sound a genuine gooden and am sorry for what brought you to this decision xx

 

[MeowWantsToGoHome]

Yes thats exactly it. I don't fit and am tired...no exhausted from trying to as its never gonna happen and i don't want to keep masking ME
I hope you find your stars and shine bright and i hope you find rest more then anything. U sound a genuine gooden and am sorry for what brought you to this decision xx

Thank you so much, you made me tear up (in a good way.) I completely get the exhaustion from masking, it just never seems to end... I hope you find peace and shine in whatever path you choose, as well. You deserve it.

 

[complex]

Thank you so much, you made me tear up (in a good way.) I completely get the exhaustion from masking, it just never seems to end... I hope you find peace and shine in whatever path you choose, as well. You deserve it.

Thank you. X i don't deserve it not any more too old with too much damage and toxicity caused by me but i hope i break the fear and stop my body stopping me and find my peace xx as my GP and friends deserve to be rid of me

 

[divinemistress36]

There are those that will say you were meant to suffer through adversity, but I really do think that if we plan our lives than suicide could be planned as well and would represent an exit point.

This makes more sense to me than its "Gods will" . My souls a dumbass it chose this for learning

 

[MeowWantsToGoHome]

This makes more sense to me than its "Gods will" . My souls a dumbass it chose this for learning

I do actually find the idea of soul plans feasible. I watched a video about it before. Although, I believe that, in my case, my soul never meant to come here and it was a completely unforeseen accident. I believe there's a specific person who I love from that past life who's waiting for me to come back. The girl I was before is in a sort of comatose state until I return. It's how I justify feeling such an intense longing… Like it just has to be real. And I really hope it is because I miss that person very much. ^-^

 

[divinemistress36]

I heard that before that we all have soulmates just they arent always in every life with us

 

[CantDoIt]

I heard there are groups of souls we repeatedly reincarnate with!

 

[MeowWantsToGoHome]

I heard there are groups of souls we repeatedly reincarnate with!

I actually can't believe you just said that because I heard the exact same thing told to me when I was tripping on shrooms one time. It was the most spiritual experience I've ever had. Soul families is what I call them.