Wishing I wasn't too scared.

[MidnightDream]

I'm so, stupidly scared of commitment and finality. I've been suicidal since I was 13.. And yet I've never pulled the trigger, metaphorically or literally. Because I'm too scared. Because what if it somehow does get better, and I just didn't give it long enough? What if the pro-lifers are right, and it does just magically get better? I'm 24 now, I know that really isn't likely to be the case. And that my life as it is now, is pretty much where it's gonna stay for the rest of it. So whyyyyy am I so scared to just end it? I'm in so much mental and physical pain on a daily basis, I'm pretty sure I'm one official diagnosis away from being eligible for legal euthanasia and yet I don't know if I'd take it even if I could. Either my survival instinct is working overtime or I've got the worlds most ironic case of FOMO. Either way, I'm probs just gonna be stuck here half checked out. Anyone else in a similar boat?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Same.. Except I know without a doubt this is a good as it gets. The psychological barriers (which exist for a reason) are very difficult to surmount.

 

[mainlanders_son]

Survival instinct is the product of billions of years of evolution. Billions! Overcoming this powerful force is extremely difficult.

 

[thenamingofcats]

It's normal and dare I say, healthy, to be afraid of committing suicide. 24 is very young though. It's still very possible at that age things could take a turn for the better.