wish suicide less scary

[sevennn]

suicide = awful. scary. wish euthanasia, assisted suicide. very scared. extremely. have panic attacks. suicide planning. feel terrified. how to accept. how to go through. HAVE TO. so how. very very scared. wish was like you. many here who commit. how?? if lived alone then easier. would do it. easier. going hotel unfamiliar. even more scared. no peace on mind. hard. don't understand. feel so small and childish. have to do this. help me accept. so scared. wish could drink SN in room. felt more comfortable. no? wish family left. hotel unfamiliar. agoraphobia. no strength go outside. scared people. new places. wish could die in own room. my things. my toys. my stuff. my plushy. my everything. one little room. my life. isolated. my prison. wish could die in my prison. don't want to escape my prison. suicide sucks. don't want suicide. want death. over. have to go put money on card > purchase all needed SN, stuff, pill, hotel. scared. miss mom. sorry mom. tinnitus robbed life. beat down. insignificant life. stupid person. curl up. die. alone. deserve. misfortune. don't know what did. never liked by god. never destine to be happy. can't hurt even tinnitus take all focus. but hurt that now life over. mean know what happened and know what never will. and know. never destined be happy. never destined one dream come true. now mystery over. now know. if could hurt then would. try everyday for mom. try hard. believe treatment. hard believe. inner ear. fragile. anything worsen. forever. fragile. want hand held when die. now life over mystery solved. question answered. no one ever love me now. like wanted. no dream come true like wanted. no first kiss. touch love career friend adult all only childish dream. never destined. now know. now time to cry. and die. tomorrow put money on card. tomorrow buy SN. soon goodbye. maybe easier than think. anxiety. the end always easier then think. now. did exposure therapy now all in laughable past. sorry sweetie. die now. i tried. we tried. tried. tinnitus murdered me

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I also wish that suicide was less scary. I unfortunately can't access SN so I'd have to rely on a more brutal method such as drowning. It really is scary and I loathe humans for regulating death so much to where the only suicide methods available are the painful and risky ones. Humans have the technology and intelligence to craft peaceful suicide methods yet they'll never do so because they want slaves. I hate humans so much and I hate being trapped in existence

 

[sevennn]

I also wish that suicide was less scary. I unfortunately can't access SN so I'd have to rely on a more brutal method such as drowning. It really is scary and I loathe humans for regulating death so much to where the only suicide methods available are the painful and risky ones. Humans have the technology and intelligence to craft peaceful suicide methods yet they'll never do so because they want slaves. I hate humans so much and I hate being trapped in existence

doctor advocate for euthanasia said "lets not hold people hostage to life's failures" feel that quote in heart. she = right. drowning? maybe can make peaceful? somehow? i thought initially drownings wantdd to go to lake and take drug in water that makes pass out and die. but found no drug. some say nangs/duster but say also that wake up quickly. confused.

 

[Alexandra0]

Tinnitus (4 degrees) is the worst thing in my life. This is simply impossible for a living creature to tolerate! I plan to just shoot myself and then he will finally leave me alone.
Only Death can break this vicious circle, only Death can cure my illness, period.

 

[sevennn]

Tinnitus (4 degrees) is the worst thing in my life. This is simply impossible for a living creature to tolerate! I plan to just shoot myself and then he will finally leave me alone.
Only Death can break this vicious circle, only Death can cure my illness, period.

sadly bbbecause right now only cure is death. sad. do you have gun?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

doctor advocate for euthanasia said "lets not hold people hostage to life's failures" feel that quote in heart. she = right. drowning? maybe can make peaceful? somehow? i thought initially drownings wantdd to go to lake and take drug in water that makes pass out and die. but found no drug. some say nangs/duster but say also that wake up quickly. confused.

Unfortunately I can't access drugs either

 

[Thisisme373]

I also wish suicide wasn't so scary & I wish assisted suicide was legal

 

[sevennn]

Unfortunately I can't access drugs either

sorry. shallow water method? drowning very scary sorry your method so scary. hugs love

 

[ijustwishtodie]

sorry. shallow water method? drowning very scary sorry your method so scary. hugs love

I've heard of shallow water blackout but I don't know if it'll work or not. I'm also too scared to try and attempt it in the first place

 

[sevennn]

I've heard of shallow water blackout but I don't know if it'll work or not. I'm also too scared to try and attempt it in the first place

heard hard to achieve. but if i had pool i would try many time. most peaceful death that can be. maybe even fun too. cus. just swimming. holding breath. swimming can be fun. then black out. if i was rich = had pool. then would try it. sorry you r suffering

Tinnitus (4 degrees) is the worst thing in my life. This is simply impossible for a living creature to tolerate! I plan to just shoot myself and then he will finally leave me alone.
Only Death can break this vicious circle, only Death can cure my illness, period.

want to say again. your words comforting. because everyone downplay tinnitus suffering. makes me feel valid in suicide to hear your words.

 

[complex]

I work in ENT and see how destructive TI can be and debilitating it can be. There is ways to lessen to a level but none completely eradicate it if severe enough. The heart beat pounding or high pitch squealing or buzz buzz and more its hell the body can do this and ..... All I will say is i know and have seen ur suffering in many and a support group of others suffering can help validate and help?!?

 

[Defenestration]

désolé. méthode en eau peu profonde ? noyade très effrayante désolé, ta méthode est si effrayante. câlins amour

This IS the most frightening method

 

[sevennn]

I work in ENT and see how destructive TI can be and debilitating it can be. There is ways to lessen to a level but none completely eradicate it if severe enough. The heart beat pounding or high pitch squealing or buzz buzz and more its hell the body can do this and ..... All I will say is i know and have seen ur suffering in many and a support group of others suffering can help validate and help?!?

:,((( used to be ok 10 years then flight with cold, ETD then i think ibuprofen when on period (4 pills in two days. 400 mg) now reactive tinnitus. louder, new hissing noise, fullness sensation. still clicking ears and think TMj now. because all chewing yawning crying - sound. maybe muscles/skeleton problem. original noise induced from concert. now hard to concentrate on some sound. fear deaf in minor way? don't know. i take muscle relaxant. some vitamin. mom got me massage. no more help. nothing at all :,( my fault. favourite sounds reactive now. prisoner at home now. but recently flushing toilet and washing hands and shower not hurt anymore. so maybe better? lost weight can't think. can't type. brain fried!! twitched and panic attacks. hopeless. sorry to put history on you. just doctors never hear me. why no cure yet? why nobody care? it's such a big problem. why nobody advocated or cares? why nothing. doesn't doctors know it's killing patient? burden on life. why no awareness. why never told concert = tinnitus. why never told headphone = tinnitus. why every medication bad for ears. cant take pain relief. antidepressant. anti anxiety. nothing. all ear poison. now small world. can't leave house. why doctors no empathy or help or research or advocate. nothing. why gaslight with therapy. got at 15 googled online internet said no cure. cried. now 25 terminal tinnitus. not fair. other young people live life. i'm crippled with small problem. nobody care about. tinnitus groups most depressing place. because everyone bitter angry hurting. lives destroyed. some homeless. not fair nobody care for us like we are discarded worthless
im sorry for long reply. don't have to read

 

[pariah80]

I was scared until someone on this sub said to differentiate between SI and WANTING to live. That settled my nerves. It was liberating.

 

[sevennn]

I was scared until someone on this sub said to differentiate between SI and WANTING to live. That settled my nerves. It was liberating.

i want to live. just can't because illness. :,(

 

[complex]

I have Botox for my TMJ and sounds like u may have numerous things going on and they may not be breaking it down and aiding each thing. I know of hypercusis that means sensitive to sound and it can be painful and that's seperate to TI.

 

[sevennn]

I have Botox for my TMJ and sounds like u may have numerous things going on and they may not be breaking it down and aiding each thing. I know of hypercusis that means sensitive to sound and it can be painful and that's seperate to TI.

can you explain more. my H started and the same day reactive tinnitus started. before that just normal tinnitus so k think H and reactive tinnitus related

 

[suffering_mo]

can you explain more. my H started and the same day reactive tinnitus started. before that just normal tinnitus so k think H and reactive tinnitus related

Hyperacusis and tinnitus or reactive tinnitus are definitely related. I know several people who have both an it's hell for them. I have mild hyperacusis, along with tinnitus but have had it worse. What caused yours? Are you on any medications?

 

[sevennn]

i don't want to have this anymore. the only way is to die. i'm tired of waiting for treatments. my whole life is ruined. i'm so fucking sad

Hyperacusis and tinnitus or reactive tinnitus are definitely related. I know several people who have both an it's hell for them. I have mild hyperacusis, along with tinnitus but have had it worse. What caused yours? Are you on any medications?

 

[suffering_mo]

i don't want to have this anymore. the only way is to die. i'm tired of waiting for treatments. my whole life is ruined. i'm so fucking sad

What caused this for you? Are you on any medications that could be causing it? How long have you had it? Yes, people with this condition are pretty tortured. People can't understand how bad it can be. It's horrendous and I am so very sorry.

 

[martinso67]

:,((( used to be ok 10 years then flight with cold, ETD then i think ibuprofen when on period (4 pills in two days. 400 mg) now reactive tinnitus. louder, new hissing noise, fullness sensation. still clicking ears and think TMj now. because all chewing yawning crying - sound. maybe muscles/skeleton problem. original noise induced from concert. now hard to concentrate on some sound. fear deaf in minor way? don't know. i take muscle relaxant. some vitamin. mom got me massage. no more help. nothing at all :,( my fault. favourite sounds reactive now. prisoner at home now. but recently flushing toilet and washing hands and shower not hurt anymore. so maybe better? lost weight can't think. can't type. brain fried!! twitched and panic attacks. hopeless. sorry to put history on you. just doctors never hear me. why no cure yet? why nobody care? it's such a big problem. why nobody advocated or cares? why nothing. doesn't doctors know it's killing patient? burden on life. why no awareness. why never told concert = tinnitus. why never told headphone = tinnitus. why every medication bad for ears. cant take pain relief. antidepressant. anti anxiety. nothing. all ear poison. now small world. can't leave house. why doctors no empathy or help or research or advocate. nothing. why gaslight with therapy. got at 15 googled online internet said no cure. cried. now 25 terminal tinnitus. not fair. other young people live life. i'm crippled with small problem. nobody care about. tinnitus groups most depressing place. because everyone bitter angry hurting. lives destroyed. some homeless. not fair nobody care for us like we are discarded worthless
im sorry for long reply. don't have to read

I have tinnitus as well. But it i learned there are worse grades.
I feel you. Also did go to ENT did not care.
These disease is ignored and does not get the attention it deserves by the medical industry. But there are doctors and support groups that help people with tinnitus.

 

[Leiot]

It's scary for a reason. It's the one decision you can't back away from.

I wish you all could get decent health care. We get great healthcare in the US.. if you can afford it. If not.. well, we all know.

If any of you are US Military veterans let me know; I can get you some information. Their mental health program & other healthcare is actually pretty decent.

 

[Demian]

I agree. Suicide is too scary!

I tried in November last year with 21 grams of phenobarbital (2x the fatal dose) and 3 grams of morphine (5x the fatal dose) and I survived. At the time I was desperate, I had a panic attack. I was in a coma for 22 days.

Now I'm here, with my SN and waiting for the propanolol and other drugs to try again. But I confess I'm afraid, very afraid.

 

[legoshi]

I live a lone and it's still scary. The thought of the unknown. I was so excited when I found the SN site and when it came in I was all smiles. Now that I have it, I'm like do i, do it? I'm feeling a lot better now. And my brain is say maybe hold off, you can always do it another day. Things are going good. Just let things play out.

But in reality I know this is just another up swing episode and I will crash again and be back to feeling empty, unattached to every thing and my emotions all over the place. So I really don't know what to do. Maybe just wait till I'm back at my lows and let that push me over the edge I guess.

 

[sevennn]

I agree. Suicide is too scary!

I tried in November last year with 21 grams of phenobarbital (2x the fatal dose) and 3 grams of morphine (5x the fatal dose) and I survived. At the time I was desperate, I had a panic attack. I was in a coma for 22 days.

Now I'm here, with my SN and waiting for the propanolol and other drugs to try again. But I confess I'm afraid, very afraid.

that is so odd. those are so deadly aren't they? that's what i heard. and you survived? and went into a coma? wow. i thought for sure that kills. crazy. hugs

I live a lone and it's still scary. The thought of the unknown. I was so excited when I found the SN site and when it came in I was all smiles. Now that I have it, I'm like do i, do it? I'm feeling a lot better now. And my brain is say maybe hold off, you can always do it another day. Things are going good. Just let things play out.

But in reality I know this is just another up swing episode and I will crash again and be back to feeling empty, unattached to every thing and my emotions all over the place. So I really don't know what to do. Maybe just wait till I'm back at my lows and let that push me over the edge I guess.

i just feel like if i lived alone i'd already be dead. i mean i think i would've due to have exhausted and sad i am. i'd already try partial cus we have so many pull up bars that can handle almost any weight

 

[Demian]

that is so odd. those are so deadly aren't they? that's what i heard. and you survived? and went into a coma? wow. i thought for sure that kills. crazy. hugs

Thank you!

Yes, it's a lethal combination. It would be the closest thing to Nembutal. But now it's hard for me to get it again, so I'll go SN now, in case I try it again.

 

[PhDone]

Tinnitus (4 degrees) is the worst thing in my life. This is simply impossible for a living creature to tolerate! I plan to just shoot myself and then he will finally leave me alone.
Only Death can break this vicious circle, only Death can cure my illness, period.

Yep I have hideous tinnitus too. Three different gross noises constantly. Disgusting thing to suffer. Relentless. I often think about driving a knife into the ear its in. Or clubbing it with a bottle. If i was sure I'd die from it that would be my prefered method, death by stabbing the tinnitus right in its heart.

 

[wren-briar]

If any of you are US Military veterans let me know; I can get you some information. Their mental health program & other healthcare is actually pretty decent.

For me, it was pretty decent until it wasn't and it's that very system that systematically drove me to be actively suicidal! - https://wrenbriar.gitlab.io/

To add insult to injury, after failing to CTB about a month ago, my friends tried to find treatments that might help. Literally the only one that they found that I hadn't tried and was willing to try was TMS. My PCP tried to get permission for it but was denied because I'm bipolar (i.e. I'm in a category that is known to be treatment resistant, particularly not responding to medications or having extreme side-effects, which is exactly my case; so let's deny those people a drastically different option; mind you, the only manic episode I've ever had was due to prescription drugs, but I've had so many odd reactions to prescriptions, it's beyond frustrating).

In contrast, the day that I was denied exclusively unbiased MEDICAL care that I sought (to fix a problem that supposed VA MH "providers" had gaslighted me about for more that a year, and a problem that had reached a critical point because of their gas lighting) - exclusively unbiased MEDICAL care that, had I received it would have actually helped with the cause of the problem and given me a reason to keep living, but instead I was put in a f'ing coffin room because I refused to answer IRRELEVANT questions about suicide (I wasn't actively suicidal UNTIL they put me in that MF'ing hellhole!).

There's so much more, but the gist is, I sought help, I asked for help, I pleaded for help, and instead of receiving the help that I genuinely sought and could have benefitted from, instead I was gaslighted and denied the care that I sought, and then, when I went to the ER for EXCLUSIVELY unbiased medical care, I was subjected to unasked for, unwanted, unneeded, pleaded not to be subjected to, pleaded for them to stop subjecting me to, exclusively traumatizing mother-f'ing psychiatric crisis f'ing interventions.

I tried to get help to keep living and they drove me to ONLY wanting to catch my bus!!! That's what the VA MH system did for me!!!

Costs of Not Actually Being Heard by People in the Mental Health Field

 

[justpathetic]

It's scary for a reason. It's the one decision you can't back away from.

I wish you all could get decent health care. We get great healthcare in the US.. if you can afford it. If not.. well, we all know.

If any of you are US Military veterans let me know; I can get you some information. Their mental health program & other healthcare is actually pretty decent.

The V.A. is well known for actually being horrible. Both medically and mentally. The stories I could tell you about trippler dorn and many others are horrific. They actually found maggots in the wounds of veterans at Walter Reed a few years ago. They were definitely not being used as treatment.

 

[Surai]

I do also find it scary and most nerv racking, but I do see it as exciting at times to reach a peak that can only be experience once and lastly. like the most insane task I could set myself on, the task of killing oneself