I hope this is the right subforum, it's not recovery enough for recovery, but also not as pro-CTB as a lot of posts here.
I just deeply wish I didn't need to CTB. I used to think I could never like life, but over time I've realized there's a life that would be worth it, it's just entirely impossible to accomplish, probably for anyone, and definitely for me.
I'm in college right now, and just incredibly dysfunctional, I'd rather be dead than drop out. I can't stand the concept of having to function forever. I wish someone could/would just save me and let me not have to function for the outside world every day. I don't want to be useless, but I can't handle this constant functionality requirement. I want to be ablre to study well but I just never have any energy or focus, sure I have diagnosed conditions, but what good do diagnoses do me if I'm never actually fixed.
I already failed classes in the past, took a year off, but I feel like I'm starting to lose pace with classes again and would rather be dead than fail again. Right now I'm just eating less and less hoping someone will magically save me over all irrationality because I just want to feel protected without regard to my functionality for once, not as a small temporary state, but enough to actually function with a broken brain.
I just deeply wish I didn't need to CTB. I used to think I could never like life, but over time I've realized there's a life that would be worth it, it's just entirely impossible to accomplish, probably for anyone, and definitely for me.
I'm in college right now, and just incredibly dysfunctional, I'd rather be dead than drop out. I can't stand the concept of having to function forever. I wish someone could/would just save me and let me not have to function for the outside world every day. I don't want to be useless, but I can't handle this constant functionality requirement. I want to be ablre to study well but I just never have any energy or focus, sure I have diagnosed conditions, but what good do diagnoses do me if I'm never actually fixed.
I already failed classes in the past, took a year off, but I feel like I'm starting to lose pace with classes again and would rather be dead than fail again. Right now I'm just eating less and less hoping someone will magically save me over all irrationality because I just want to feel protected without regard to my functionality for once, not as a small temporary state, but enough to actually function with a broken brain.
