Discussion Willpower dissipating?

[Fadeawaaaay]

does anyone find their motivation weakening? Stopped cleaning the house, doing dishes, brushing teeth, returning calls and e-mails, getting health care, visiting dentist, paying bills… I don't care…. I would rather try and sleep …. I am trying to will myself into non existence …
wonder where this came from …. Some childhood trauma ?
Once upon a time I was ambitious and destined for great things …. But was easily derailed by anxiety and fear of failure …
now inside me is hollow …. Only urge I have is eating …. Whatever is at hand …. Usually breakfast cereal …. (I used to be quite a good cook)….

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

Are you me?

 

[Un-]

The difference between you and I is that I don't like eating cereal. I just drink tea, and order junk food. You aren't alone in this shit... To depressed to die. Like a grave within a grave - imprisoned in your body, imprisoned by the world.

To think we spend our lives convinced we understand agony..

 

[FuneralCry]

I've never really had much motivation to live in the first place. I see existing as being tiring and life could never interest me. I only exist as dying is difficult for me. I wish that there is a way to sleep forever without having to do any suicide method research.

 

[emgrl]

Are you me?

Seriously, down to the cereal.

 

[Worndown]

Motivation is a problem for almost everyone. The mundane tasks of life do need to be done but do not always entice us to leave the couch.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Are you me?

The difference between you and I is that I don't like eating cereal. I just drink tea, and order junk food. You aren't alone in this shit... To depressed to die. Like a grave within a grave - imprisoned in your body, imprisoned by the world.

To think we spend our lives convinced we understand agony..

I don't really like cereal… It's just cheap and easy to prepare

 

[Antiquated]

Spent the entire month of August in bed for the most part, lost 5kg, only showered a handful of times... i try to keep the place somewhat clean but it's getting too hard. I gotta put an end to this soon otherwise I'll be too weak to ctb

 

[Hope:-)]

This is my life. Everything is a massive effort. I have cognitive issues and side effects from medication which makes things so much harder, It's embarrassing.

 

[rationaltake]

Spent the entire month of August in bed for the most part, lost 5kg, only showered a handful of times... i try to keep the place somewhat clean but it's getting too hard. I gotta put an end to this soon otherwise I'll be too weak to ctb

I get that. It's almost like you've got to get better to be able to ctb. That's what I found anyway.

 

[Rational man]

Sadly, much suffering evolves from dysfunctional parenting. Not sure its easy to fix but i ve broken the cycle of pain by not having children. I wish you peace❤

 

[Worndown]

This is my life. Everything is a massive effort. I have cognitive issues and side effects from medication which makes things so much harder, It's embarrassing.

I worked with people that complained their medication made thinking very difficult. Are there alternate medications with a less invasive effect?

 

[Hope:-)]

I worked with people that complained their medication made thinking very difficult. Are there alternate medications with a less invasive effect?

I massively would advise you not to take medication. Try changes in diet, exercise, meditation...frankly anything other than medication. It completely ruined my life and within the short time I have been here I've encountered 5 people on this site who had their life turned upside down by it also. Stay safe x

 

[Worndown]

The right doctor with the right medications at the right level can help. Sadly if any if these three are wrong, the situation can get worse. Just remember that you are an active participant in your care. If something does not feel right, let them know. There should be a conversation about your concerns and possible solutions along with any expected side effects.

 

[brokensea]

I just watch TV. Can barely focus on my work at home job most of the time. Probably going to be fired at some point. Never leave the house. I have to mail my rent check Monday and I've been dreading all weekend about having to leave the house just to do that. I just microwave dinners, make frozen pizza or order food. I told myself I need to clean the kitchen since it has been a while. It's taken me a week and I'm still not done. Just clean a small section at a time and go back and lay down. Missed some days I couldn't even do that. I wonder if I just haven't committed suicide yet because I don't have the energy to.

 

[Hollowman]

The right doctor with the right medications at the right level can help. Sadly if any if these three are wrong, the situation can get worse. Just remember that you are an active participant in your care. If something does not feel right, let them know. There should be a conversation about your concerns and possible solutions along with any expected side effects.

The right doctors don't exist for some of us.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Are you me?

I came here to say this. Are YOU me?

 

[takemenowpls]

does anyone find their motivation weakening? Stopped cleaning the house, doing dishes, brushing teeth, returning calls and e-mails, getting health care, visiting dentist, paying bills… I don't care…. I would rather try and sleep …. I am trying to will myself into non existence …
wonder where this came from …. Some childhood trauma ?
Once upon a time I was ambitious and destined for great things …. But was easily derailed by anxiety and fear of failure …
now inside me is hollow …. Only urge I have is eating …. Whatever is at hand …. Usually breakfast cereal …. (I used to be quite a good cook)….

This post really speaks to me. What you've listed is completely my life right now. I've given up on myself and can barley find the strength to feed my dogs. Just add in some heart disease which I'm hoping kills me soon

 

[Worndown]

The right doctors don't exist for some

The right doctors don't exist for some of us.

They do but finding them can be difficult. If possible, look for other treatment options. It should not be this difficult, but it is.

 

[Hollowman]

Same situation here but I somehow manage to pay my bills. Just doing the bare minimum until my parents pass away then I'm out of this shit show.

 

[Maríasp]

my cat died a year ago and she was exactly like this, I only ate ice cream and a bottle of Rioja white wine a day. Painting, cleaning and tidying my house was very good for me to see everything so clean and tidy, I started eating healthy and walking for an hour daily, I started going out with friends, (before I didn't feel like it) I felt very good with these changes, I think that eating, cleaning and exercising are very important, this year I'm a bit the same, I hardly leave the house, but I've been keeping my house clean for a month, I've been trying to go for a walk in sunny hours, I did some tests and I have a vitamin D deficiency, the vitamin of joy (I live in Valencia, Spain, one of the sunniest cities in Spain), the doctor He prescribed me some vitamin D ampoules and to sunbathe I don't know if this is due to my low spirits but walking for hours in the sun makes the ampoules feel more lively, but leaving the house is very bad, I don't know if It is due to confinement, before I signed up for all the exit plans with a friend s and since COVID I don't see almost anyone and I don't feel like it, not even talking on the phone or WhatsApp. Now I'm on vacation in a small town and I don't feel like it either, but I go out for an hour to walk in the mountains A kiss

 

[Hollowman]

They do but finding them can be difficult. If possible, look for other treatment options. It should not be this difficult, but it is.

They do but finding them can be difficult. If possible, look for other treatment options. It should not be this difficult, but it is.

Psychiatrists don't know what they're doing. They're very dangerous greedy people.

 

[Worndown]

Some are good, some are not and some just muddle through. I am guessing you have not meet a good one. I am sorry about that.

 

[Hollowman]

Some are good, some are not and some just muddle through. I am guessing you have not meet a good one. I am sorry about that.

They can't help everyone but I've heard a few claim they can. They're delusional just like every other human on this shit hole planet.

 

[ger3172]

does anyone find their motivation weakening? Stopped cleaning the house, doing dishes, brushing teeth, returning calls and e-mails, getting health care, visiting dentist, paying bills… I don't care…. I would rather try and sleep …. I am trying to will myself into non existence …
wonder where this came from …. Some childhood trauma ?
Once upon a time I was ambitious and destined for great things …. But was easily derailed by anxiety and fear of failure …
now inside me is hollow …. Only urge I have is eating …. Whatever is at hand …. Usually breakfast cereal …. (I used to be quite a good cook)….

this is me. even depressed I used to force myself to have showers every day. i hated the idea of skipping showers even with my mental state deteriorating. now I can go almost 2 weeks without bothering to take one. rock bottom had a basement.

 

[Shepherd's boy]

Your thoughts are so comforting for me. I will really miss you when you pass away.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I came here to say this. Are YOU me?

Yes I am

 

[Forever Sleep]

Comparatively, I think I'm in a slightly better position to some of you poor sufferers. Still, I'm struggling more and more.

I keep up with personal hygiene ok but the house is disgusting. So bad in fact that so many things have broken/are breaking and I can't bear to have anyone in to fix them for embarrassment.

I work freelance and have huge amounts to do at the moment but it's just becoming so difficult. I'm just making it so much worse for myself too- getting up late and wasting time. I have to meet the deadline though, so I know I have to pull myself together soon.

Think, worst of all for me- even though I am struggling with it at the moment, this was a job I desperately wanted to do and I know it just isn't financially feasible. A shitty regular job is looming and it's probably that that is weighing the most heavily on my mind. I worked in shitty retail for 10 years before this and the thought of having to return to it, or something equally soul destroying feels unbearable.

I'm sorry you are in such a bad place.

 

[rationaltake]

Your post obviously resonates with a lot of people. I do pretty much nothing most of the time. It's not a life. I need to buck up and go. Sorry you - and so many of us - are in this awful impasse.

 

[Ixadavt]

Actually, I'm getting more done. The house is almost painted after 8 months of procrastinating, my room has been organized, the yard is almost picked up of junk. It feels good to actually accomplish the things I say I will. I think having a plan and an idea of when hase put it in perspective a bit. The person whom all this and more would fall back on if I ctb without completing is the only person I wouldn't want to hurt. The only one who could probably possibly convince me to stay.
But it feels pretty good knowing I wound be leaving my friend with my responsibilities. Putting the affairs in order so to say.