Will my suicide destroy the lives of the people i leave behind?

[PEA1]

Hi all, I'm new here.
Im 100% certain that suicide is the only option for me, the only single thing stopping me is the thought of hurting my children.
I know they will be better off without me in the long run but i can't shake the horror of them realising dad is gone.
I have a 4 year old boy and two girls, one aged 7 and 11. Im 32 myself.
I know their mum will take good care of them.

Will they ever get over my passing? I don't want to ruin my children's lives.

Thank you

 

[Nolan96]

Part of me wishes we could all assure you they'll be just fine, but of course that's not possible. Losing a father to suicide at a formative age can be devastating.

I'm sorry you're in this very difficult situation.

 

[Interloper]

Will they ever get over my passing?

Probably not, sorry. They will forever wonder why.

 

[Sunset Limited]

You invited them into this world. Now you're asking what the idea is to just leave them and go? However, I can't answer this question as I don't know why you want CTB. Chronic illness and pain can be a valid reason.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that those left behind will be devastated as to end our own pain, it causes others to experience pain. I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I can imagine it must be really hard being in that situation. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

In your position I would think twice. I myself never fathered children so my choice, as hard as it is, is much easier then yours. Since you brought children to this horrible world you have forfeit your right to leave as you please.

My two cents.

 

[whatevs]

These are horrible ages for them to endure your suicide. If they were really small they wouldn't really grasp it, and if they were adults they could move on, but they have just the cognitive ability to understand that you ended your life but not the resilience to deal with it. The 4 yo would be the better of from the bunch.

 

[Sittichmutter]

No, your kids will not be better without you. It is your depressive brain talking ínto your Head. Get up and search for help. You need help ASAP.

 

[AnestheticVoid]

They'll get over it or they won't. If it's what you truly want I'd personalize notes for each of your children. It's all you can do. They'll have each other and a trauma to connect over. For all you know your suicide could bring them together.

Don't torture yourself.

 

[solisoccasus]

Hi all, I'm new here.
Im 100% certain that suicide is the only option for me, the only single thing stopping me is the thought of hurting my children.
I know they will be better off without me in the long run but i can't shake the horror of them realising dad is gone.
I have a 4 year old boy and two girls, one aged 7 and 11. Im 32 myself.
I know their mum will take good care of them.

Will they ever get over my passing? I don't want to ruin my children's lives.

Thank you

It will be hard for your family to lose you. I'm currently in that situation right now. I'm thinking if my parents would be better off without me coz i'm pretty sire they'll go on, they could and they would.

 

[Al Cappella]

There is a good chance that will screw them up for life, sorry. You don't get over that, ever. Also, there seems to be some evidence suicides run in families—meaning you do it, their odds of doing it increase significantly. I would gently encourage you to look into getting some help…

 

[fight_club]

Your life is your own and of course it is ultimately your choice to live it or CTB. That being said, the simple truth is that it will be incredibly traumatic for your family, especially your children. In a way we give up a part of our autonomy when we have children.

 

[Sea Turtle]

You chose to bring them into this world, at the minimum in my opinion you should seek out every other possible option first, but at the end of the day the choice is purely yours, though it's certain to hurt them.

 

[Arrow]

it might not ruin their lives but it will probably mess with their heads pretty hard for the years to come.

 

[WadeingThru]

Yeah it will screw them up. Puberty is tough enough but going through it without a father figure. Forget about it.

 

[KlMeNw]

Hi all, I'm new here.
Im 100% certain that suicide is the only option for me, the only single thing stopping me is the thought of hurting my children.
I know they will be better off without me in the long run but i can't shake the horror of them realising dad is gone.
I have a 4 year old boy and two girls, one aged 7 and 11. Im 32 myself.
I know their mum will take good care of them.

Will they ever get over my passing? I don't want to ruin my children's lives.

Thank you

I to am a father in this hellish dilemma. I'm 38 w/ 3 children, two boys aged 7 and 13, and a little girl who's 10. I lie awake at night agonizing over what my CTB might do to my kids, whom I love very much. I am sure that my death will bring untold suffering for them and at the very least I won't be there to guide them through life or to help them navigate tough times. They are why I have kept going. It is hell, but one I must try to endure for as long as I can, for their sake. I admit though, I may not succeed in staying the course. I'm am glad at least knowing i'm not the only father of young kids who wants to give in to the void.

 

[Meretlein]

It will likely be a source of significant sadness for them.

I would implore you to exhaust all other options first.

 

[PEA1]

Thank you all for the replies. It means alot to feel heard when i can't talk to anybody around me because i feel like such a burden.
My issue is OCD, specifically intrusive thoughts. I am absolutely tortured by them and have been on and off since the age of 14, to the point i believe i am the worst human on this planet. I truly believe everybody would be better off if i was gone.
I have just gone through some paperwork i had from the local mental health team after i was hospitalised two years ago after an attempt (deliberate car crash, modern vehicles are surprisingly safe)
Anyway, i have contacted them again and im set for an appointment, im going to try this one last time.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

Rest assured that you are not a burden here.

To be blunt, there is no recovering from a parent's death if they are close to you, much less if suicide was the cause. Provided you are not in a situation of progressive illness and pain, I would suggest exhausting all treatments first for your children. Even the best parent in the world can't do it alone, and even a giant support system won't stop their curiosity and sorrow about their father.

I say with personal experience, the absence of a father be it through neglect, emotional distance, or death, it will fuck a kid up whether they think about it or not. It's subconscious. For me, anyway.

Please at least try to wait until they are 18, or at least older teenagers if you must.

 

[Sittichmutter]

I'm in a similar boat, but it is not mental illness but an unbearable physical illness that has brought me to my knees. Incurable. But not terminal. You have no idea the hell. I was normal a year ago.

I gnaw my way through each day. But from my kids' behavior and the heart attack I am going to give my spouse from stress. I know my being here isn't helping. I have tried everything. My spouse knows this. Everyone knows this.

Fortunately I have the means and the know-how to make it look as accidental as possible. My children will not be around when I am found. It will look like a heart attack until the tox report comes in.

And they will never know the truth. Ever.

To me, what I am dealing with isn't suicide. I no longer have a choice. Jump or be consumed by the fire and bring my family down with me.

I will leave this world in a way that will not follow my family and they will have tons of support. I'd give my life to be able to be a tenth of the parent I was. I would also give my life to ensure their lives will be better in the long run. Not at first. But again, we have the means for counselors, are lucky to have very involved family on my spouse's side and there will be tons of community support. My spouse is an excellent parent.

I have planned extensively. And it has ripped out my soul. But everything I do is for them. All of it. Even this.

My prayers to you.

Dear Readysteady
I am sorry about your illness.
Isn't there, by chance, any experimental trerapy you could try to improve your condition.
You seem like a great person and parent. I wish your family would never lose you.

 

[Sittichmutter]

I Will be praying for you too. And you will be able to watch your kids grow from the otherside. Bonds of love don't unravel with death.
Sometme ago I read something that I really liked: "We are not bodies with souls. We are immortal souls living in humans bodies to evolute and improve."
I wish you love, lots of love.

 

[rationaltake]

Bonds of love don't unravel with death.

Thanks for this. I just texted it to somebody who is suffering.

 

[Forever Dead]

. I don't have children, only a Father and Sister who I am not close with so it will be relatively easy for me to ctb.. Your situation is a very painful one because of the children,, and I can't imagine how stressful it must be for you. I guess it all comes down to how much pain you are in and how desperate you are to ctb. Another factor is how much love you have for each other. Is that love more powerful than the pain you are going through ? If. You are a close family then they will obviously be devastated. A work colleague of mine from years ago ended things and His 12 year old Daughter had a complete mental breakdown after finding out that He had ctb. She was never the same again. Wish I could help but your situation is a complex one because of your children,. I am so sorry you are going through this.

 

[Terraterraterra]

There is a good chance that will screw them up for life, sorry. You don't get over that, ever. Also, there seems to be some evidence suicides run in families—meaning you do it, their odds of doing it increase significantly. I would gently encourage you to look into getting some help…

Doesnt suicide run in familias because of the genetics? If so, then his decision whether to kill himself wont affect the chances of his kids to do so in the future.

 

[Red Scare]

Will they ever get over my passing? I don't want to ruin my children's lives.

No, they will never get over it. Trust me on this.

You will be ruining their lives. They didn't ask to be born, and you are going to inflict upon them the single biggest trauma in their lives.

You will also destroy your spouses life, and she will want to kill herself but she won't be able to, and will be forced to stick around and take care of children you abandoned. Do you hate your children and your spouse that much?

I'm a widower, and my spouse committed suicide. That's why I am here, that is why I am going to end my life. They will NOT be better off without you, how could you possibly think that??? Your wife will struggle to get by and take care of children as a single parent, your children will struggle without a father to help them through life. This is incredibly selfish, and it is also really stupid to think they will be better off.

My life since my spouse died has been completely upended, he also thought he was doing me a favor, and guess what? I lost my house, I lost my job, I lost everything. He thought I would be taken care of? No. I lost everything, and my life sucks now. I will struggle to get by, living paycheck to paycheck, unable to retire, barely able to afford a place to live. You would be doing the worst thing possible to the person you are supposed to love and care the most for. You made certain vows. If you're motivated thinking you are doing them a favor, you're wrong.

 

[Al Cappella]

Doesnt suicide run in familias because of the genetics? If so, then his decision whether to kill himself wont affect the chances of his kids to do so in the future.

There is a genetic component, yes. But I think it's a lot more complex than that--meaning it might be possible the kids then see suicide as "normalized" (whatever the hell that means). It might also be possible that ideation runs in the family, but that it doesn't lead to an actual act. I really don't know (I'll admit I could be way out to lunch), and it would be interesting to learn more about it.

 

[Terraterraterra]

There is a genetic component, yes. But I think it's a lot more complex than that--meaning it might be possible the kids then see suicide as "normalized" (whatever the hell that means). It might also be possible that ideation runs in the family, but that it doesn't lead to an actual act. I really don't know (I'll admit I could be way out to lunch), and it would be interesting to learn more about it.

I dont know either. Anyway, i Hope OP can het some professional help - he does sound depressed.

 

[CelestialGoddess]

Hi all, I'm new here.
Im 100% certain that suicide is the only option for me, the only single thing stopping me is the thought of hurting my children.
I know they will be better off without me in the long run but i can't shake the horror of them realising dad is gone.
I have a 4 year old boy and two girls, one aged 7 and 11. Im 32 myself.
I know their mum will take good care of them.

Will they ever get over my passing? I don't want to ruin my children's lives.

Thank you

You definitely will leave a scar on your entire family forever. Your spouse will be a single mom dealing with grief, and your older children will face the trauma. This might lead them to fall behind in school and use substances as they get older to cope with the trauma inflicted on them: in all, the quality of your family's life will drastically worsen due to no financial help and psychological factors (the trauma of their dad killing himself). They might also "take an example" when they're in a very difficult time in their life: they'll think about how their dad committed suicide and in their mind, it would be seen as more "normal" and maybe they would follow through... You never know, but just know that you are going to inflict so much trauma onto them.

In summary, the single thing stopping you, your children, needs to be the thing you're living for. They won't be better off without you in the long run, believe me... Just consider your priorities: ending your own suffering or inflicting life-long trauma on four people you dearly love for the rest of your life... It might be a sign that there is something better waiting for you, dear.