Help Will my death affect my little sisters custody

[Stick]

TlL;DR: My Dad is fighting for full custody of my 16-year old sister. We just went to court yesterday, but we won't hear the results for a few weeks. Is it possible that my death, given that I am currently living with my father, could possibly impact the courts decision to grant my father custody?

We have had my sister on temporary emergency orders since February of this year on the grounds of a bed bug infestation at my Mom's house. They are not gone, but there are very few bugs left, but my Dad and the family who lives with him are much more emotionally stable than my Mom, and I personally think it will be incredibly important for my sisters mental health and high school success after my death that she stay with my Dad.
However, given that I moved out of my Mom's house to live with my father, I am worried that a suicide at my Dad's house may be enough grounds for my Mom to request her own temporary emergency custody order to regain my sister. I suspect she might try and argue that my Dad's house is affecting my mental health and thus possibly my sisters (and although this isn't true, I don't know if the court could see it that way). Even if they end up siding with my dad, a continued custody battle will definitely impact her especially while she is dealing with grief and social isolation due to COVID. I know it is a bit of a stretch, but I can't ask anyone irl about this without also giving away the fact that I am planning to die.
I am planning on leaving a very detailed note specifically for the court in the event my Mom attempts this, but I don't want to hurt my family more than is necessary.
I still have some things I need to do before I die, but I'm sure I will get done with them long before my sister will be in a good enough mental place to deal with my Mom's stuff, or old enough that Mom's decisions won't even matter.

 

[tidalwxves]

I understand you are in a lot of pain but I'm thinking that if bed bugs were enough to get her out of your mom's then the death of one the children involved on your father's watch would definitely be taken very seriously. I think you might need to stay strong until this is finalized. A few weeks is not a ridiculous amount of time to postpone, and it seems like it could make a very big difference.

 

[Stick]

I understand you are in a lot of pain but I'm thinking that if bed bugs were enough to get her out of your mom's then the death of one the children involved on your father's watch would definitely be taken very seriously. I think you might need to stay strong until this is finalized. A few weeks is not a ridiculous amount of time to postpone, and it seems like it could make a very big difference.

Okay, if other people are thinking so then it's not a risk I'm willing to take.
I guess I'm also worried that she would use my death to try and regain her after the decision is made, but I don't feel like waiting a year and half for her to turn 18...

 

[pickajack]

@Stick Seems like an extremely challenging situation. I understand not wanting to discuss your plans with anyone irl, but do you at least have someone to talk to who could offer comfort and advice?
I commend you for your concern for your younger sibling. Sounds like she is going through a difficult situation too. Do you have a good communication with her?
Wishing you and your family comfort.

 

[whywere]

HI! Stick! You have been nice and kind and caring to me in the past, that reading this is breeaking my heart and making me cry, sorry I wear my heart on my sleeve. Not being nosey, but I would wait till everything is done. I have had a little experience with the courts in the USA as far as helping friends out in their family matters and it is always amazing how someone can twist, do mind games or whatever in a court room. Whatever you decide I wish you all the love and caring and empathy that I have towards you. Again you have been so nice to me that I really hope and wish everything turns out great for you and your dad and sister.

 

[Weather]

At 16, if she demonstrated emotional maturity, the court should heavily weigh her preference, which I assume is to live with your dad. That said, if I was your mom's attorney, I would certainly use a recent sibling suicide to show it wasn't a stable home. I don't know that the court would risk a change in physical custody to your father permanently (when the issue was only bedbugs). The thing is, even if you say in a note that it's not his fault, or you think he is the better parent, etc., I would still argue that he didn't get you appropriate medical/mental health care and your mom would have, and it would be a risk for your sister too. Regardless of the truth of it, it's a pretty compelling argument for the court.

Also, even if you wait until the court issues its order (which can take months depending on where you are), your mom could still file for an emergency change in custody then. I'm not trying to be a huge downer, but it will be a risk as long as you live with your father and your sister is under age 18.

 

[Stick]

@Stick Seems like an extremely challenging situation. I understand not wanting to discuss your plans with anyone irl, but do you at least have someone to talk to who could offer comfort and advice?
I commend you for your concern for your younger sibling. Sounds like she is going through a difficult situation too. Do you have a good communication with her?
Wishing you and your family comfort.

I don't really think so. At least, no one who wouldn't stop my plans. I'm very close with my sister, so yes we communicate very well with each other, but I wouldn't let her know I am suicidal if that's what you are asking. Thank you for your support.

HI! Stick! You have been nice and kind and caring to me in the past, that reading this is breeaking my heart and making me cry, sorry I wear my heart on my sleeve. Not being nosey, but I would wait till everything is done. I have had a little experience with the courts in the USA as far as helping friends out in their family matters and it is always amazing how someone can twist, do mind games or whatever in a court room. Whatever you decide I wish you all the love and caring and empathy that I have towards you. Again you have been so nice to me that I really hope and wish everything turns out great for you and your dad and sister.

Thank you! I hope so as well. It's obvious to all of my family that it is better for my sister here with our Dad, but emotions are tricky to prove in a courtroom. I'll have no idea what effect it will have until it happens.

At 16, if she demonstrated emotional maturity, the court should heavily weigh her preference, which I assume is to live with your dad. That said, if I was your mom's attorney, I would certainly use a recent sibling suicide to show it wasn't a stable home. I don't know that the court would risk a change in physical custody to your father permanently (when the issue was only bedbugs). The thing is, even if you say in a note that it's not his fault, or you think he is the better parent, etc., I would still argue that he didn't get you appropriate medical/mental health care and your mom would have, and it would be a risk for your sister too. Regardless of the truth of it, it's a pretty compelling argument for the court.

Also, even if you wait until the court issues its order (which can take months depending on where you are), your mom could still file for an emergency change in custody then. I'm not trying to be a huge downer, but it will be a risk as long as you live with your father and your sister is under age 18.

Ack, that's the answer I don't want to hear haha. I think after all of these replies, I definitely need to wait until I hear the judges decisions. I don't think I can wait a whole year, but I will try and work on my Mom and help her understand me a bit, so hopefully I can help prevent such a strong reaction.

A recent thought, but I'm gay and my Mom's really homophobic. Even though I'm not living with her, would it be so bad to mention her as a source of my problems in a note? That way, it's kind of added assurance that the court can't see my death as my Dad's fault. I'm okay with hurting her feelings if it helps my sister.

 

[tidalwxves]

A recent thought, but I'm gay and my Mom's really homophobic. Even though I'm not living with her, would it be so bad to mention her as a source of my problems in a note? That way, it's kind of added assurance that the court can't see my death as my Dad's fault. I'm okay with hurting her feelings if it helps my sister.

The issue is if you are with him and this happens the main concern the court will have is why he didn't realize how bad your mental state was and why he didn't get you care. It will make him look oblivious and incompetent to a judge even if you write in the note that your mom is who you see as the problem parent. (not judging your father, just telling you how it's likely to be perceived)

 

[Stick]

The issue is if you are with him and this happens the main concern the court will have is why he didn't realize how bad your mental state was and why he didn't get you care. It will make him look oblivious and incompetent to a judge even if you write in the note that your mom is who you see as the problem parent. (not judging your father, just telling you how it's likely to be perceived)

No, I understand that the court's perception isn't based on what's actually happening, but on how they perceive it. Thank you for your input

 

[hypnotizing chickens]

I think your suicide will greatly trivialize the matter. Not in the eyes of the court though. If your mother is a sociopath, she will use this in court and she will win. If they are reasonable people, perhaps they will stop using the courts to fight each other and work things out outside of court. If she's 16, I believe she has the right to choose who she lives with but I dont know how that stuff works or if it's different where you are.
If you are concerned with your sister's mental health....then don't kill yourself. You will be the biggest reason for any decline in her mental health. Yeah, she might be better off handling it with your dad instead of your mother, but if you are honestly that concerned....

Idk, it just seems really ironic