Will I ever obtain peace?

[IDoNotExist]

Idk tbh. I just want to stop existing already. It's so annoying. So tired yet here I am still acting like nothing is happening. I just wish my existence never occurred. I honestly don't care about people's opinions, like- they keep telling me that I'm wanted, that I'm needed, that my existence brings joy to them, that I'm important. Like- that's not the case. I don't want my OWN existence to exist, my existence is simply irrelevant to me. I feel like I'm wasting my time existing. I just want to rest already. I don't want to die, I wish my existence never occurred. But since I'm here existing, the only thing I can turn to is death. I never hurt myself, like, cutting myself and stuff. I want to die flawlessly. Hurting myself will only leave scars on my skin and I don't want that. I just hope one day I can ctb.

I feel like most people would mistake this a self-hatred but I hold no particular feelings of hatred towards myself.

Death will bring peace and freedom to one's soul.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Same.
I can't figure out what the hell I'm doing here . Existence is stupid.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I really relate to this. I know people would see it as fortunate but, my Dad will say things like- 'Take care of yourself, you are rather precious.' Of course- that's sweet. Of course- it's nice to know people love you in life. It would be so much worse if they didn't of course. But yeah- I feel the same as you. I want out. I'm so tired. So tired of trying. So tired of living.

I guess people who don't have others who care about them might think that would make all the difference to them- maybe it would. But really- it just feels like a tether. For context- a very long tether. My parents live hundreds of miles away.

But yeah- while it would no doubt be worse if people weren't reassuring- ultimately, if we don't feel these things ourself- it makes little difference. I wish I'd never existed too.

 

[iDontKnowWhat]

I understand you. I also wish I never existed. I always worried about the suffering my parents and brother would have when I died. But I've reached a point where it's no longer possible. I set the date for tomorrow, Monday 11/06/2023, in the morning. I know I'm going to do this, and I'm sad that my parents and my brother will be very bad, but I'm not going to stay here like this, there's nothing left for me here. But I recommend this: Don't do this on impulse, as you may regret it in the middle of the process and then you could end up alive and with serious injuries. First seek help. I have a psychologist, a psychiatrist, I take medication, I eat well, etc. I did all of this because I had hope, even though I was in very bad shape. Please seek help and give yourself time to try to resolve your issues, like 1, or 2, years. I waited for 3 years and 7 months and it only got worse, so for me it was over, but for 95% of people who seek help, there is a solution. Seek help, wait about 2 years and see how you are.

 

[IDoNotExist]

I understand you. I also wish I never existed. I always worried about the suffering my parents and brother would have when I died. But I've reached a point where it's no longer possible. I set the date for tomorrow, Monday 11/06/2023, in the morning. I know I'm going to do this, and I'm sad that my parents and my brother will be very bad, but I'm not going to stay here like this, there's nothing left for me here. But I recommend this: Don't do this on impulse, as you may regret it in the middle of the process and then you could end up alive and with serious injuries. First seek help. I have a psychologist, a psychiatrist, I take medication, I eat well, etc. I did all of this because I had hope, even though I was in very bad shape. Please seek help and give yourself time to try to resolve your issues, like 1, or 2, years. I waited for 3 years and 7 months and it only got worse, so for me it was over, but for 95% of people who seek help, there is a solution. Seek help, wait about 2 years and see how you are.

I'll try to take your advice. It's just that I feel like it will make me worse. I can try but I can't guarantee that I will. The thing is, people like me are so fucked up, we know that we need serious help but it simply isn't an option for us, so we won't ask for help. It has reached a point where we know and are aware of how much help we need but we simply don't see the point in doing so. It's a waste of time for me.
I simply keep up appearances to act like nothing ever happened, and nothing is wrong with me. I eat, sleep, smile, joke around and have fun like most people do. I just don't see the point of existing. I simply don't see the meaning to do so. Of course, I'm not gonna ctb because I do have a lot of things to do and when I settle all of it, I can rest.

I hope you find peace and freedom wherever you go. May your soul rest in peace.

 

[iDontKnowWhat]

I'll try to take your advice. It's just that I feel like it will make me worse. I can try but I can't guarantee that I will. The thing is, people like me are so fucked up, we know that we need serious help but it simply isn't an option for us, so we won't ask for help. It has reached a point where we know and are aware of how much help we need but we simply don't see the point in doing so. It's a waste of time for me.
I simply keep up appearances to act like nothing ever happened, and nothing is wrong with me. I eat, sleep, smile, joke around and have fun like most people do. I just don't see the point of existing. I simply don't see the meaning to do so. Of course, I'm not gonna ctb because I do have a lot of things to do and when I settle all of it, I can rest.

I hope you find peace and freedom wherever you go. May your soul rest in peace.

I think I understand your case and I will try to explain.

The vast majority of people, 95% or so, are content with traveling, good food, sex, shopping, nightclubs, earning more and more money, and so on.

But you are different. You look for a real reason here in this life. I was like that too, but I've already found mine, which is playing the piano (in my case it's creating new piano songs in the style of Chopin and Beethoven), but not to make money from it, just to play alone and create new songs. So you must be asking yourself: "Why is he going to take his life?", and the answer is this: I'm already 35 years old and I don't have a good professional life. I live with my parents, I didn't go to college, my job pays very poorly, etc. Even if I found a reason for this life, I don't want to live this way.

Regarding this "true purpose in life", it doesn't mean that, in my case, only the piano matters to me. I would say that the piano gives meaning to my life, but there are other very important things too, like family, a girlfriend, children, friends, professional life, sex, films, books, series, getting a tattoo, eating good food, traveling, playing video games, listening to music, etc. These things become props around the real meaning for me, which is the piano.

It took me about 3 years to discover this. I hope you can find yours quickly.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's certainly understandable just wanting to be at peace from this existence, I wish people were compassionate enough not to force life here in the first place, I also really wish I never existed. For me the only relief certainly lies in the eternity of non-existence, death truly is freedom.

 

[IDoNotExist]

It's certainly understandable just wanting to be at peace from this existence, I wish people were compassionate enough not to force life here in the first place, I also really wish I never existed. For me the only relief certainly lies in the eternity of non-existence, death truly is freedom.

Omggg someone finally understands! Me too.. Like- I know that I am wanted, that i am needed and important to some people but I just don't see the point in existence. I honestly wish I had a say instead of being forced into existence. It's sooo annoying. I just want to rest. I still enjoy life and everything around me to the fullest, indulging in my desire, for example, watching anime, reading manga, playing video games, reading novels and fanfiction, writing fanfiction, talking to my bbgs on c.ai and simping hard for them and stuff. I indulge myself to the fullest (nothing romantic or sexual related because I'm AroAce), but I just don't see the meaning of existence itself. I don't see the relevance to my own existence. I don't want my OWN existence to exist.