Discussion Wild/irresponsible things you do since becoming suicidal?

[almaranthine]

Personally... I don't wear a seatbelt while driving. I only put it on after the incessant beeping from the car's sensor starts to drive me insane. I leave the key in my front door at my apartment, and I rarely even bother to lock it. I don't have good hygiene anymore... rather I shower and brush my teeth every few days. I smoke cigarettes still even though I'm not even addicted to nicotine. I continue mainly to pass the time and to slowly poison myself at least. For months I was determined to at least get a job to support myself but I would bail on practically every interview. The one job I got and trained for I bailed on after day 3. I pay my bills as late as I possibly can without getting charged additional fees. I buy beer instead of proper food.

What about some of ya'll?

 

[MyFinalProject]

Pretty much the same things as you, I don't have good hygiene, I'm smoking more cigarettes than before, and I don't have the motivation to get any work anymore.

 

[almaranthine]

Pretty much the same things as you, I don't have good hygiene, I'm smoking more cigarettes than before, and I don't have the motivation to get any work anymore.

Yeah I have enough funds to get through perhaps another two months... I gave up trying to get work because even with a stable job I don't have the skills/background to get anything better than basic retail work. I can't support myself on it. Even if I kept working I wouldn't be able to keep my apartment because the complex is raising rates. I lived here with my ex so the lease is technically in both of our names; he just can't legally return because he was arrested for beating the living crap out of me. So... when the lease ends he can easily try to take the place back. From there, I have nowhere to go. I'm tired of trying when there's no solution.

 

[sleeps]

have barely been eating. poor hygiene. did finally wash my hair today after way too long tho so i feel better about that.

have barely been studying or looking for work. and even when i have been i'm not really doing it, you know? mostly pretending to.

weirdly i haven't drank or smoked at all in the last month or so. haven't felt much of a strong desire to either. i used to go really hard on the booze and nicotine so its odd. good tho cuz it stops me blowing through my money quite so fast, so i'll have more options when it comes to getting ctb materials.

 

[thebunny]

What about some of ya'll?

i don't know when it started or when it got worse, but i stopped taking care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. i used to get therapy, but i stopped overall because i gave up on recovery. i haven't had a consistent diet and i'd always skip my meals. like you, i even started to smoke! nicotine is my breakfast everyday now. i don't dress up when i go out anymore and i rarely take a shower and spend most of my time in bed. been drinking every week now as well. i've been spending lots of money on various, useless things too. i've become a huge disappointment for everyone and for myself. what has life become? can't wait for all of this to be over soon.

 

[Deadweight]

I became a social nightmare when I gave up, alienated people from my life, said horrible things just to upset social norms, spent recklessly, abused my body with drugs and shitty food. Absolutely embraced the loser label society had slapped on me. I'm doing a bit better after deciding to stick around a bit longer but I still fit the definition of loser. And I do my best to live with the shame of it while trying to move forward

 

[Hirokami]

Overdosed on sleeping medicine on an empty stomach more times than I can count. Funny enough, most of those weren't even attempts. I didn't care if I died, though. I just wanted to escape from the pain somehow and sleep was the only way I could do that.

 

[ikadasui]

Drink an disgusting amount of alcohol and mix it with sleep meds. I actually really hate myself for becoming a degenerate alcoholic, but then I remember how shitty mylife is so what's it fucking matter

 

[NoLightRemains]

My hygiene is much worse, I rarely take showers/wash my hair. I'm addicted to cannabis and need it to manage my headaches and get through the day. I mostly waste away looking at my phone or playing video games, often in bed. I just don't care about my fragile husk of a body anymore.

 

[SamTam33]

Practically everything that everyone has said. I quit a really good job. I drink and smoke incessantly. To hell with hygiene.

I brushed my teeth a few minutes ago and I had to sit at the foot of the bed for a good 10 minutes to work up the strength. It's like I can't keep my body upright for too long.

Everything takes so much effort. I get these small windows of energy where I make plans and allow myself to be hopeful about something. Then I come down and realize it was just temporary illusions and delusions.

If I could just stop drinking I'd be able to figure some things out. But I'm so incredibly sad that I drink to numb it a little bit.

I'm spiraling something awful.

 

[SeeminglyFine]

Cannabis, nicotine, alcohol, sometimes opioids(limited supply), snorting ritalin and sleeping pills,
Using many substances at the same time.
Using aspirin to potentiate the effect.

Sometimes like 10+ cups of coffee a day, untill i pee every 5 minutes and all my muscles are twitching.

When i was still sober id still find ways to numb myself, i pass out if i get up too quickly(low blood pressure) so i utilized on that.

 

[toasterbath]

i can relate to all of you guys wow it's crazy how similar we all are. i feel so chaotic at times like once i drank cough syrup to just try and feel something. i really can't stand being sober anymore and facing reality it's too fucking painful. just numbing myself and sleeping the days away. i can feel pain in a tooth due to a cavity and i dont even care. no energy to even do basic chores. i leave laundry in the basket for like a week and i felt strained and exhausted trying to fold it. im just tired of all this pain and im crying bc i never thought i would become so physically weakened and reach this level of depression and decay.

 

[jcksonb22]

driving recklessly, got a dui for it a year 1/2 ago. not showering everyday, only brushing teeth once a day. quit getting haircuts. hardly eating, just need nicotine/coffee/kratom. haven't had a job for a few months, barely have any money left. not cleaning my place, letting dishes sit etc. gambling