Wife Filing for Divorce

[A Desperate Fool]

She was my best friend. But she cheated on me constantly. She was nice. But she was also mentally abusive. She made me feel really good about myself. But she also said terrible things like she was glad that my dad died in a car crash.

I miss her. And I hate her for what she did to me.

I'm conflicted. I both want and don't want a divorce.

The only constant is: I don't want to be here anymore. I'm indifferent about the future. I know I'm a good person and can find a better partner. I still would rather just end it now. I'm good. I'm not selfish. I've had good times. I know when I've had enough.

I'm alone. I think I could pull off SN. I don't have any but I think I can get it easily.

I'm writing a song composed solely of all the terrible (and nice) things she's said to me over the years. It's actually pretty funny hearing it all juxtaposed into a song like that. Maybe the last song I'll ever write.

 

[whywere]

1st off, you are NEVER EVER alone. You have me and the entire global family that loves, cares has empathy and support for you. I cherish you as a part of our family here and I think it is so wonderous that you write songs. Heavens, I can not even sing at all, much less have the ability to write songs. You are AMAZING, hands down. My "parents" were very mentally abusive towards me and it broke my heart to read that aspect about you. You have a great soul and being about you and with our help , I hope, that we can help be the shining light that makes tomorrow promising for you. I am sending you all my love, empathy. caring and SUPPORT that I have in the essence of my being. Please feel free to pm me if I can help. Walter

 

[summers]

@GBBG my relationship with my ex actually improved after we got divorced. We are better friends now, and have a great casual relationship. Why don't you see what happens before you give up. She can and probably still will be in your life, as a friend and physically too.

 

[fred farkle]

give it time! i been wrestling with this bitch (ctb) for two years!

 

[A Desperate Fool]

My "parents" were very mentally abusive towards me and it broke my heart to read that aspect about you.

Thank you for the support. I am sorry to hear that. I feel like I have PTSD. I used to shake in fear when she started an argument because of the mindfuckery that I knew was coming. Gaslighting, projection, lying, yelling. She never physically harmed me, but she threatened to. She would also threaten to harm herself. Knife-in-hand. That was always the point where my fight-or-flight kicked in. Once a knife comes out, I'm fucking out of there. That only happened twice in 8 years.

my relationship with my ex actually improved after we got divorced. We are better friends now, and have a great casual relationship. Why don't you see what happens before you give up. She can and probably still will be in your life, as a friend and physically too.

I would like that actually. But she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. She has completely discarded me and won't communicate with me at all. It's cruel and unusual punishment. Her silence hurts more than anything she's ever said or done. It might literally be the death of me. She took our dog too. That dog has been a part of my life for just about as many years as she has. I asked if I could watch the dog. No reply. She's evil. And yet I miss her.

 

[whywere]

Thank you for the support. I am sorry to hear that. I feel like I have PTSD. I used to shake in fear when she started an argument because of the mindfuckery that I knew was coming. Gaslighting, projection, lying, yelling. She never physically harmed me, but she threatened to. She would also threaten to harm herself. Knife-in-hand. That was always the point where my fight-or-flight kicked in. Once a knife comes out, I'm fucking out of there. That only happened twice in 8 years.


I would like that actually. But she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. She has completely discarded me and won't communicate with me at all. It's cruel and unusual punishment. Her silence hurts more than anything she's ever said or done. It might literally be the death of me. She took our dog too. That dog has been a part of my life for just about as many years as she has. I asked if I could watch the dog. No reply. She's evil. And yet I miss her.

When I read your response my heart ached for you 100% as nobody should have to not only live that way but be subjected to such mental cruelty. My "parents" were absolute masters at mind games and the like and I know, from experience, the hell that it is. As you are going through such a rough time please try and remember that we are all here for you at Sanctioned Suicide. Also I thank you for the kind thoughts towards me. I will have you in my prayers tonight. I am not organized religous, but I do believe that there is a greater good "out there". All my caring, empathy and SUPPORT to you always. Walter

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

Thank you for the support. I am sorry to hear that. I feel like I have PTSD. I used to shake in fear when she started an argument because of the mindfuckery that I knew was coming. Gaslighting, projection, lying, yelling. She never physically harmed me, but she threatened to. She would also threaten to harm herself. Knife-in-hand. That was always the point where my fight-or-flight kicked in. Once a knife comes out, I'm fucking out of there. That only happened twice in 8 years.


I would like that actually. But she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. She has completely discarded me and won't communicate with me at all. It's cruel and unusual punishment. Her silence hurts more than anything she's ever said or done. It might literally be the death of me. She took our dog too. That dog has been a part of my life for just about as many years as she has. I asked if I could watch the dog. No reply. She's evil. And yet I miss her.

Cut her out of your life but I'm sorry you're I'm so much pain she sounds like an emotional abusive leech

 

[autisticalex]

I would work on your self esteem...

Sorry if I sound harsh but I have a theory women only cheat on men when they don't respect them...

And you can only get the respect of others when you have your own self respect.

Don't sit around all day writing songs about the things she said to you and just find a hobby.

 

[Meditation guide]

Thank you for the support. I am sorry to hear that. I feel like I have PTSD. I used to shake in fear when she started an argument because of the mindfuckery that I knew was coming. Gaslighting, projection, lying, yelling. She never physically harmed me, but she threatened to. She would also threaten to harm herself. Knife-in-hand. That was always the point where my fight-or-flight kicked in. Once a knife comes out, I'm fucking out of there. That only happened twice in 8 years.


I would like that actually. But she wants absolutely nothing to do with me. She has completely discarded me and won't communicate with me at all. It's cruel and unusual punishment. Her silence hurts more than anything she's ever said or done. It might literally be the death of me. She took our dog too. That dog has been a part of my life for just about as many years as she has. I asked if I could watch the dog. No reply. She's evil. And yet I miss her.

You describe a codependent/narcissistic relationship with you are the codependent. It's the same as Stockholm Syndrome.
I suggest learning as much as you can about this. Else you might be doomed to repeat the pattern. Youtube has many excellent videos about this. Ross Rosenberg is probably the best at describing this.

 

[fixitinpost]

I would work on your self esteem...

Sorry if I sound harsh but I have a theory women only cheat on men when they don't respect them...

I don't think there's a universal condition for cheating like that. It definitely shows a lack of respect, but it could just as well be the respect for oneself that is lacking. Some people cheat out of their own insecurities, need for attention or validation, etc. These are also the kind of people who tend to be repeat offenders. If I were to guess, I think the woman OP is describing belongs to this second category. From OP's descriptions it definitely does not sound like a secure and well-balanced person.

Don't sit around all day writing songs about the things she said to you and just find a hobby.

I mean, music is a hobby and one that OP seems to enjoy. And processing something like this by putting it into words, whether talking others, writing lyrics and/or (like I did) diaries about it is very healthy. I think it's important that one takes the time to do this after a relationship ends, especially a toxic and abusive one like this. It helps put everything into context.

She was my best friend. But she cheated on me constantly. She was nice. But she was also mentally abusive. She made me feel really good about myself. But she also said terrible things like she was glad that my dad died in a car crash.

I miss her. And I hate her for what she did to me.

I'm conflicted. I both want and don't want a divorce.

The only constant is: I don't want to be here anymore. I'm indifferent about the future. I know I'm a good person and can find a better partner. I still would rather just end it now. I'm good. I'm not selfish. I've had good times. I know when I've had enough.

I'm alone. I think I could pull off SN. I don't have any but I think I can get it easily.

I'm writing a song composed solely of all the terrible (and nice) things she's said to me over the years. It's actually pretty funny hearing it all juxtaposed into a song like that. Maybe the last song I'll ever write.

Honestly, this was me after my ex broke up with me. And even reading this, I could think it was my ex you married. This Jekyll and Hyde bullshit really fucks with your emotional and mental systems, so it's no wonder you're conflicted. As was I.

The best thing I did was to shut my ex out. I went no contact all the way. Deleted her number, blocked her on social media. I can only recommend you do this after the paperwork is finalized. Yeah, I missed her. A lot. Sometimes still do. And that's fine. But you also gotta question what it is you miss. Do you miss the times she cheated, abused you, threatened you? I would guess not. The stuff we tend to miss in a situation like this are the good times, and our feelings about all the bad stuff just vanish in that moment. But what we're actually then missing was never real. That relationship or person never existed.

Sorry to hear about the dog, I don't know how that works where you live, but she shouldn't just be able to take the dog like that if it's something you got together.

And yeah, I totally can relate to what you said about the constant. Regardless of my feelings about the breakup, it just knocked the wind out of me. Take care man, and as @whywere said we're all here for you.

 

[Brokenhearted84]

I lost the love of my life to another guy because of medications and erectile dysfunction. I'm trying to buy some N to finally leave this reality.

 

[alwaysSuffering]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I've been in emotionally abusive relationships and they are a real mind fuck. Caring about someone who treats you like shit is really confusing. I understand how you can fluctuate back and forth from seeing the good sides of her and the bad... Kinda reminds me of the part of the movie The Wedding Singer where he wrote a song about his ex and the first part was while they were together (and super happy) and the 2nd part of the song was after she left him at the alter (and full of rage). Hilarious. Recommend watching for anyone who hasn't seen it. I think it's great that you're working through your feelings in a song. I'd love to hear it (or rather read the lyrics) when you're done. I'm extra sorry to hear about her keeping your dog from you. That's unbearable. I just lost my beloved dog (I can't even type this part without crying) 4 weeks ago (he died suddenly and unexpectedly and that's a big reason why I'm on this site). Feel free to PM me.

 

[Weary Soul]

You wrote this awhile ago @A Desperate Fool. (And no you are/were not a desperate fool IMO, just caught up in the web of a very manipulative person.)

I hope you are doing ok and you were able to get away from her.

The mindfuckery, and what a great description, is something I can really relate to.

It is awful, I actually had to call a domestic abuse hotline because I thought I was going insane after the sheer verbal abuse my ex dished out. I will never forget her response - "He is gaslighting you, I can tell just by what you described."

My heart breaks for anyone going through this. If you are still in this relationship and nothing has changed, you have to do what is right for you; however, that being said, my advice? As hard as it might be (kinda like losing a part of yourself, especially if you were with them for a long time), run and run as far away and as fast as you can.

There are plenty of other women out there who will treat you as you deserve, with kindness, respect, and collaboration and not with manipulation and gaslighting, which is awful IME.

I am so very sorry you have experienced this.

<3