Why wasnt i a miscarriage?

[RedHates]

My mom had 4 miscarriages before I was born. She was devastated. Then I came along. But she still called me her "little oopsie". Which finding that out hurt me because that means I was an accident. My siblings are so much older than me and they always excluded me from everything.

I feel bad for wishing I was one of her miscarriages. But I do.

 

[annointed_towers]

Me too. There were 3 before me

 

[Meteora]

My mother would never talk about things like miscarriage, so I have no clue.
I can relate to your thoughts @RedHates . I always wished I had died from a crib death.

 

[RedHates]

Me too. There were 3 before me

Sad to hear. It makes me feel bad for wanting to ctb knowing I was the miracle child. Does that feel similar to you?

My mother would never talk about things like miscarriage, so I have no clue.
I can relate to your thoughts @RedHates . I always wished I had died from a crib death.

I actually found out through my dad. I think my mom is still sensitive towards the subject.

I almost died twice as a child. I wish that fall was high enough. I wish my brother didn't save me from drowning.

 

[Meteora]

Relate. And now we have to either bear this life or end it ourselves. Both options are inhuman.

 

[annointed_towers]

Sad to hear. It makes me feel bad for wanting to ctb knowing I was the miracle child. Does that feel similar to you?

I actually found out through my dad. I think my mom is still sensitive towards the subject.

I almost died twice as a child. I wish that fall was high enough. I wish my brother didn't save me from drowning.

Yes absolutely. I feel horrible knowing I was her miracle baby

 

[permanently tired]

This reminds me of all the fights my mother and I had and she would say she wish aborted me and never had a son in the first place. Now I wish she did. I should have died when I was born anyway bc I was premature and my father would tell me how he was afraid to hold me since I was so small and my eyes were taped shut. I don't know how many weeks or months I spent in the NICU, but I should fucking died then. My whole life is a red flag, I didn't notice until a few years ago. I could never grow up to become someone so why am I here

 

[uzuf86]

I should have never been born, not even a miscarriage. I've been nothing but a pathetic life ever since I entered my 20s. I wish I died when I was a tiny fetus in the first place. Or maybe I should have ctb'ed via an accident when I was a toddler or something. I wish I was never born into this world.

This reminds me of all the fights my mother and I had and she would say she wish aborted me and never had a son in the first place. Now I wish she did. I should have died when I was born anyway bc I was premature and my father would tell me how he was afraid to hold me since I was so small and my eyes were taped shut. I don't know how many weeks or months I spent in the NICU, but I should fucking died then. My whole life is a red flag, I didn't notice until a few years ago. I could never grow up to become someone so why am I here

What is so wrong in your life?

 

[permanently tired]

I should have never been born, not even a miscarriage. I've been nothing but a pathetic life ever since I entered my 20s. I wish I died when I was a tiny fetus in the first place. Or maybe I should have ctb'ed via an accident when I was a toddler or something. I wish I was never born into this world.

What is so wrong in your life?

It's falling apart at the seams. Basically every threat to a peace of mind is hounding on me

 

[rozeske]

Relate. My mom had an abortion twice before me because she didn't want a kid but she decided to give birth to me because I honestly believe she was just tired of aborting.
Am so jealous of those two souls that never had a chance to meet my mother. I can't wait to meet them on the other side if there is one and tell them "lucky mother f*ckers, I should have been one of you!"

 

[RedHates]

This reminds me of all the fights my mother and I had and she would say she wish aborted me and never had a son in the first place. Now I wish she did. I should have died when I was born anyway bc I was premature and my father would tell me how he was afraid to hold me since I was so small and my eyes were taped shut. I don't know how many weeks or months I spent in the NICU, but I should fucking died then. My whole life is a red flag, I didn't notice until a few years ago. I could never grow up to become someone so why am I here

My mom and I got into a lot of fights too. Its the main reason why I don't live with her anymore. She never told me things like that though. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Relate. My mom had an abortion twice before me because she didn't want a kid but she decided to give birth to me because I honestly believe she was just tired of aborting.
Am so jealous of those two souls that never had a chance to meet my mother. I can't wait to meet them on the other side if there is one and tell them "lucky mother f*ckers, I should have been one of you!"

I feel similar. I'm a little jealous of those 4 that could have been before me. If any of them survived, I wouldn't have even been a thought.

Sometimes I think that it was me refusing to be born 4 times and finally giving in.

 

[rozeske]

Sometimes I think that it was me refusing to be born 4 times and finally giving in.

This brought a smile to my face. Never thought of it like that before. Imagine if we had known all along and were fighting off our fate.

 

[RedHates]

This brought a smile to my face. Never thought of it like that before. Imagine if we had known all along and were fighting off our fate.

I mean if I saw the state the world was in, I'd try to refuse to be born too. I'm almost glad those 4 don't have to suffer through life.

 

[Ligottian]

I once overheard my mother tell someone she had a miscarriage before I came along. I sometimes ponder about my "phantom brother/sister" and envy them.