Why Us?

[kcatchesthebus]

Does anyone else here just feel the crippling weight of the question "why is this happening to me?" All the time?

I have always been a really kind and gentle and loving person. I've followed every rule. Done everything right…. And yet my life has still been full of misery and pain.

My husband decided he couldn't be married to me anymore this year completely out of nowhere. He was the kindest most wonderful man in the entire world. And then all of a sudden he wasn't. He promised me he'd try and make it work after i had a stay in a psych ward but I found out today he's been cheating on me. I'm broken. He was the only person I felt truly safe around, my home. And now I have no one and nothing I can count on…. And it's just like, what have I done to deserve this? Why me? Why do so many people in my life get to live beautiful happy lives but I've been depressed for 20 years and have panic attacks min three times a day? And my person abandons me.

 

[Soc]

I've been flailing since my marriage fell apart. I thought I had something that resembled a reasonable life but that quickly fell apart with a few bad decisions and reliance on people. I think you can make a go of life but losing your lifelong partner is certainly a real nasty thing to go through. I'm still here....for now but enough has happened that I'm just hanging on so I'm not dying under someone else's roof.

 

[annointed_towers]

I relate. I'm a very loving and gentle, sensitive and shy person. I never meant to blaspheme God that day. It just happened by accident when I flew into a rage. He has chosen me to bear this burden.

 

[ropearoundatree]

I'm really sorry guys... I haven't got much meaningful to say, as I have never actually even been in a relationship. And I always think to myself, that clearly--it would be better "to have loved & have lost, than to not have loved at all!" (if I got that right?)? But then when I read or hear of situations like this. I just can't imagine the infinite heartbreak. And how unsettling at once, as well as disruptive to not only you soul, but your whole world it must be. So I do feel for you & I truly don't know what I would do in those / or that situation(s). It does sound, or seem, 'gut-wrenching,' to say the least. And I at least admire your commitment to continue the surge on and to try & fight through the struggle. Because it has got to be one magnificent, horrible row to hoe~ // Wishing you all tremendous peace, in spite of all this!

p. s.) I guess I can only compare it to the loss of a truly great (or almost, "best") friend. And then with the/or that 'aftermath,' the way in which one would wonder... was it even worth it? Given how bitter(ly) every-thing has turned out now? Because sometimes, I really do have to question that question. . .

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I have always been a really kind and gentle and loving person.

I think if enough analysis is conducted it would be determined that this is a very common denominator among us. Other than chronic physical pain, caring is almost always the underlying source of these kind of feelings.

Selfish people will always selfishly have a reason to live.

 

[baabbaabbaab]

I'm always astonished by the kindness of this community, amid its veterans, newcomers and shooting stars alike.

"Why us ?" : Is life harder on kind people ? Or the suffering carved our soul into a gentle form ?

My view on life would say none of those : the world is just chaotic and unfair. "Why us ?" is just our way of spitting at this unbearable fact...

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You shake your fist at the sky and cry: "why me"?

The sky answers: " why not you"?

But in your case your husband actively chose to hurt you. You didn't deserve that, but people often treat us in ways we don't deserve because they're just rotten.

 

[AInilam]

If there is one harsh truth this year has taught me is that--the world is more than just cruel, it is uncaring. Even with all the synchronicities and little coincidences that could pass off as acts of divine intervention, there really isn't anything or anyone looking out for us but ourselves. Bad things happen to good people and vice versa, this world is indiscriminate and that's what's so terrifying about it. You could play by the book, you can be kind to others--even to those who've crossed you but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter to the universe. You're the only one who can answer these questions and give your life meaning.

 

[kcatchesthebus]

I'm really sorry guys... I haven't got much meaningful to say, as I have never actually even been in a relationship. And I always think to myself, that clearly--it would be better "to have loved & have lost, than to not have loved at all!" (if I got that right?)? But then when I read or hear of situations like this. I just can't imagine the infinite heartbreak. And how unsettling at once, as well as disruptive to not only you soul, but your whole world it must be. So I do feel for you & I truly don't know what I would do in those / or that situation(s). It does sound, or seem, 'gut-wrenching,' to say the least. And I at least admire your commitment to continue the surge on and to try & fight through the struggle. Because it has got to be one magnificent, horrible row to hoe~ // Wishing you all tremendous peace, in spite of all this!

p. s.) I guess I can only compare it to the loss of a truly great (or almost, "best") friend. And then with the/or that 'aftermath,' the way in which one would wonder... was it even worth it? Given how bitter(ly) every-thing has turned out now? Because sometimes, I really do have to question that question. . .

I legitimately would rather have never experienced love first hand because now I understand what it is I'm missing and what I have lost. It's also just not worth this level of suffering.

 

[kcatchesthebus]

I'm really sorry guys... I haven't got much meaningful to say, as I have never actually even been in a relationship. And I always think to myself, that clearly--it would be better "to have loved & have lost, than to not have loved at all!" (if I got that right?)? But then when I read or hear of situations like this. I just can't imagine the infinite heartbreak. And how unsettling at once, as well as disruptive to not only you soul, but your whole world it must be. So I do feel for you & I truly don't know what I would do in those / or that situation(s). It does sound, or seem, 'gut-wrenching,' to say the least. And I at least admire your commitment to continue the surge on and to try & fight through the struggle. Because it has got to be one magnificent, horrible row to hoe~ // Wishing you all tremendous peace, in spite of all this!

p. s.) I guess I can only compare it to the loss of a truly great (or almost, "best") friend. And then with the/or that 'aftermath,' the way in which one would wonder... was it even worth it? Given how bitter(ly) every-thing has turned out now? Because sometimes, I really do have to question that question. . .

Genuinely, I would rather have never experienced love at all then have to endure this level of suffering for the rest of my life

 

[Painless_end]

I have wished that I was never born for ages now

 

[Groundhog_Day]

Just randomness of the universe. I was brought up by a religious mum, so always believed there was a purpose to everything.

Now, I realise it's all just random luck. The kid born to a paedophile, the woman murdered whilst out jogging, the pig born into factory farming etc. None of them are going through that to learn some great lesson. It's all just random luck of the universe. The universe doesn't care about meaning or fairness.

 

[Soc]

Just randomness of the universe. I was brought up by a religious mum, so always believed there was a purpose to everything.

Now, I realise it's all just random luck. The kid born to a paedophile, the woman murdered whilst out jogging, the pig born into factory farming etc. None of them are going through that to learn some great lesson. It's all just random luck of the universe. The universe doesn't care about meaning or fairness.

Yeh we are sorta fed a lot of literature and movies that try to make us feel like we have some kinda purpose. I've just been through random trails of chaos that sometimes have gone really badly wrong and left me just with nothing but bags of my stuff and a few friends and contacts. Sometimes people care but often it's either curious interest or a need for something. I have time but nothing much to look forward to anymore except a little taste of freedom having my own place at least. Then I'll see if I'm ready to CTB.