why the fuck do I wake up every morning?

[Un-]

From the moment I open my eyes, I'm suffering immensely.

And if I'm not actively suffering, it's boredom. Not the boredom of "I have nothing to do". It's this apathetic demon that takes enjoyment out of everything. Everything is dull. Everything is horrible to do.

My existence has been reduced to doing the bare minimum to qualify as a human. I don't shower. I don't brush my teeth. I eat once a day, at most. There's nothing to take my mind of my horrible existence. Youtube is horrible, just like every other social media. I try watch movies or whatever, but 20 seconds in I'm already thinking about slicing open my wrists.

Even this damn website is horrible. Question after question that has been answered 5 septillion times. I don't wanna say more because I don't wanna hurt anyone.. But after being on this website for a year, every single day for hours on end.. I find myself only on here because there's no other place that I can muster the strength to even look at. I don't enjoy it at all anymore. In fact, most of the time, I feel envious because of all the people here who're saying goodbye. I wish I was them.

My options for existence is to stare at my ceiling, listening to the same fucking albums I've been listening to since 2020, for the entire day. Just basking in my suffering. I've lost any semblance of who I was. I don't think that what I'm doing even classifies as being alive.

Heh, as the days go by, the more and more I understand @FuneralCry's words. I used to think she was a bit of a looney.. But now?
I have no words to express how... how disgusted I feel, that I was taken from non-existence, and I have no way back. What's even worse, is that this isn't rock bottom.

 

[Hollowillow]

*puts a pillow on your face* shhh it will be over soon.

I wish! As a kid I had bad insomnia. In a desperate impulse, I shoved my face in a pillow & tied it to my face with a shirt. My mother thought I was dead. Weirdly... I wasn't.

When I wake up my chronic pain slowly turns back on & I want to scream to death...

If your problem is just boredom, I think it's an easy fix... Force feed yourself stuff high in vitamin b & c to get the energy & healing to do stuff... Then try random shit until something is fun.

I think wasting away here is relaxing

 

[Julgran]

From the moment I open my eyes, I'm suffering immensely.

And if I'm not actively suffering, it's boredom. Not the boredom of "I have nothing to do". It's this apathetic demon that takes enjoyment out of everything. Everything is dull. Everything is horrible to do.

My existence has been reduced to doing the bare minimum to qualify as a human. I don't shower. I don't brush my teeth. I eat once a day, at most. There's nothing to take my mind of my horrible existence. Youtube is horrible, just like every other social media. I try watch movies or whatever, but 20 seconds in I'm already thinking about slicing open my wrists.

Even this damn website is horrible. Question after question that has been answered 5 septillion times. I don't wanna say more because I don't wanna hurt anyone.. But after being on this website for a year, every single day for hours on end.. I find myself only on here because there's no other place that I can muster the strength to even look at. I don't enjoy it at all anymore. In fact, most of the time, I feel envious because of all the people here who're saying goodbye. I wish I was them.

My options for existence is to stare at my ceiling, listening to the same fucking albums I've been listening to since 2020, for the entire day. Just basking in my suffering. I've lost any semblance of who I was. I don't think that what I'm doing even classifies as being alive.

Heh, as the days go by, the more and more I understand @FuneralCry's words. I used to think she was a bit of a looney.. But now?
I have no words to express how... how disgusted I feel, that I was taken from non-existence, and I have no way back. What's even worse, is that this isn't rock bottom.

What kind of a situation are you stuck in? I mean, it sounds to me like you are describing Anhedonia, but your lack of lust for entertainment could also be a result of anxiety or other ailments.

So - do you feel stuck in some insurmountable problem, or have you fallen into a pit of despair where there is no having fun, simply speaking..?

 

[hamvil]

Hi, I do understand your feeling. I feel pretty much the same. I wake up and I see a full day in front of me and I cannot wait to go to sleep again. I do not have a single source of joy in my life and problems keep piling up. Some of them or shall I say most of them are my faults. I keep messing up things around me all the time. It keep getting worse and worse every day. Hope to gather the courage to move forward soon.

 

[Darkover]

i don't shower or brush my teeth but i eat 3 meals a day tho
the boredom and dullness gets to me thats why i need to smoke weed as much as i can possiblely afford
i've got a brain injury that makes everything i use to enjoy doing dull
i listen to the same music and things on youtube everyday in fact i've download 271 music videos to my laptop
that i put on repeat everyday theres nothing to do that intrest me anymore just weed and other drugs

 

[foreverfalling]

I share your sense of apathy. Even here it seems every topic to discuss has already been discussed countless times. I feel like a fraud for posting the same things and wanting some attention. If I could be around actual people maybe it would be different, maybe not. At least there's people that react and reply here.

 

[Hollowillow]

I share your sense of apathy. Even here it seems every topic to discuss has already been discussed countless times. I feel like a fraud for posting the same things and wanting some attention. If I could be around actual people maybe it would be different, maybe not. At least there's people that react and reply here.

As long as you don't copy & paste your replies, being repetitive is fine. There There some attention *pets you*

"If I could be around actual people" hahahaha! I'm not people! I can't even argue with that I know what you mean I wish I could meet offline too, but the way you said it... Ouch but nthat's not as deshumanizing as mental care pro (they're just a bunch of narcs) so you're ok

 

[Un-]

What kind of a situation are you stuck in? I mean, it sounds to me like you are describing Anhedonia, but your lack of lust for entertainment could also be a result of anxiety or other ailments.

So - do you feel stuck in some insurmountable problem, or have you fallen into a pit of despair where there is no having fun, simply speaking..?

Simply put, I hate fucking being alive. There's a lot of things wrong with me.

I don't know how to reply to your second question. I'm in this predicament because of my shit life, and my shit self. One problem didn't cause this; having "no fun" isn't my problem.. maybe I wasn't clear in my post. It doesn't matter.

Thanks for asking though. It's nice to be seen, every once in a while.

Hi, I do understand your feeling. I feel pretty much the same. I wake up and I see a full day in front of me and I cannot wait to go to sleep again. I do not have a single source of joy in my life and problems keep piling up. Some of them or shall I say most of them are my faults. I keep messing up things around me all the time. It keep getting worse and worse every day. Hope to gather the courage to move forward soon.

I can't take comfort in sleeping. I often get nightmares. I get no fucking reprieve from my suffering. Sigh. I hope you do move forward soon.

 

[Hollowillow]

Simply put, I hate fucking being alive. There's a lot of things wrong with me.

I don't know how to reply to your second question. I'm in this predicament because of my shit life, and my shit self. One problem didn't cause this; having "no fun" isn't my problem.. maybe I wasn't clear in my post. It doesn't matter.

Thanks for asking though. It's nice to be seen, every once in a while.

I can't take comfort in sleeping. I often get nightmares. I get no fucking reprieve from my suffering. Sigh. I hope you do move forward soon.

I know I'm annoying with this, but if I eat sugar & get hypoglycemia in my sleep, I can get nightmares. I also have ptsd. I used to fear sleep now I try to never wake up. A coworker bullied me even in my dreams, I got pissed off one morning and imagined killing her with an axe. She never came back in my dreams after that.

What are your nightmares about?

I think we're both severely burned out. I am noping so hard at everything.

 

[Un-]

I know I'm annoying with this, but if I eat sugar & get hypoglycemia in my sleep, I can get nightmares. I also have ptsd. I used to fear sleep now I try to never wake up. A coworker bullied me even in my dreams, I got pissed off one morning and imagined killing her with an axe. She never came back in my dreams after that.

What are your nightmares about?

I think we're both severely burned out. I am noping so hard at everything.

I'm sorry to hear that.
I usually don't remember mine, but they usually involve death, or something that emotionally destroys me. For example, I remember for a long time I used to dream about friends of whom cut contact with me talking to me again. The other day, I had a dream where I died - I got shot, and died.

Burned out, we are, indeed. I just can't wait to die.

 

[jodes2]

From the moment I open my eyes, I'm suffering immensely.

And if I'm not actively suffering, it's boredom. Not the boredom of "I have nothing to do". It's this apathetic demon that takes enjoyment out of everything. Everything is dull. Everything is horrible to do.

My existence has been reduced to doing the bare minimum to qualify as a human. I don't shower. I don't brush my teeth. I eat once a day, at most. There's nothing to take my mind of my horrible existence. Youtube is horrible, just like every other social media. I try watch movies or whatever, but 20 seconds in I'm already thinking about slicing open my wrists.

Even this damn website is horrible. Question after question that has been answered 5 septillion times. I don't wanna say more because I don't wanna hurt anyone.. But after being on this website for a year, every single day for hours on end.. I find myself only on here because there's no other place that I can muster the strength to even look at. I don't enjoy it at all anymore. In fact, most of the time, I feel envious because of all the people here who're saying goodbye. I wish I was them.

My options for existence is to stare at my ceiling, listening to the same fucking albums I've been listening to since 2020, for the entire day. Just basking in my suffering. I've lost any semblance of who I was. I don't think that what I'm doing even classifies as being alive.

Heh, as the days go by, the more and more I understand @FuneralCry's words. I used to think she was a bit of a looney.. But now?
I have no words to express how... how disgusted I feel, that I was taken from non-existence, and I have no way back. What's even worse, is that this isn't rock bottom.

*Hugs* sorry you're suffering. I struggle to do the basics too. I also envy people that CTB, I think it's natural. I hope you find peace soon

 

[tipsytiger]

I hope that every night before I sleep I don't wake up again in the next morning. Sadly it never happened

 

[mandyjohnuk]

It's a great question.
As of late I think this everyday.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Morning is the worst

 

[allblackallwhite]

Starting every single day off with disappointment. The rare times I dream of a good life are the absolute worst.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm also tired of waking up. I hate suffering and struggling day after day, being trapped in an existence that I never asked for and is so hard to leave behind. I understand everything being dull, that is how I feel as well. I simply dislike being conscious and having to experience things. My problem is life itself and I see no benefit to being here. I don't think that such a thing as rock bottom even exists, things can always get so much worse and this is why I see wanting suicide as being perfectly rational. I see peaceful nonexistence as being ideal, free from all problems and suffering in which there never was a need for in the first place.

 

[Un-]

I'm also tired of waking up. I hate suffering and struggling day after day, being trapped in an existence that I never asked for and is so hard to leave behind. I understand everything being dull, that is how I feel as well. I simply dislike being conscious and having to experience things. My problem is life itself and I see no benefit to being here. I don't think that such a thing as rock bottom even exists, things can always get so much worse and this is why I see wanting suicide as being perfectly rational. I see peaceful nonexistence as being ideal, free from all problems and suffering in which there never was a need for in the first place.

Speak of the devil. I'm sorry for calling you a looney, heh.
Sigh.. I hope you and I find peace soon. I don't know about you, but peace for me would be a bottle of N.