Venting Why some of us will always be misunderstood?

[Aplev]

It annoys me so much that some people are quick to put their fingers at 'evil' people. I get it, I am not saying some things aren't evil but, unpopular opinion here I think, we are all victims in this world, in different ways. I've never seen someone be evil just because. Maybe in media (animes, videogames, novels, dramas, etc.), but more often than not I always find every person has a reason behind their behavior. And yeah it might just be fiction but it still annoys me so much when I read people's derogative comments about a villain, wishing their death and eternal and great suffering and insane stuff like that, while showing great empathy for the protagonist which isn't exactly innocent either, but just because they saved the villain sometime or just because they seem to have a more positive outlook on life ("I don't wish bad on anybody I will go on with my life" or "People have betrayed me but I won't be betrayed again, I will grow stronger", that kind of stuff), apparently they don't get frown eyes at all from the audience. And like I said I know it's media but I can't shake off the feeling that's a peek into what happens in our society and world every day, lots of us people totally misunderstood and forced outside of the world and into whichever place we can find solace in.

 

[Circles]

No one can understand your pain but yourself. No matter what people say, do or complain about society will always see you as different especially if you act a certain way that doesn't comply with societal norms or expectations. Just be yourself however you can.

 

[Aplev]

No one can understand your pain but yourself. No matter what people say, do or complain about society will always see you as different especially if you act a certain way that doesn't comply with societal norms or expectations. Just be yourself however you can.

What I mean to say is that a lot of people at least get to be represented in media. Of course, it's a wide world and there must be some media out there where some of us are properly represented even if maybe it has like 0,001% of the popularity of other media (and if not, I'll do my best to be that person, since I am a writer and a game developer). It's just that, even if it exists, it's so hard to find and I feel it's not true that "no one can understand your pain but yourself", because a lot of people can see others and say "I relate" (I see it all the time in comments for example or in people's speeches in videos), instead for some us that rarely happens if ever. I like how you say "however you can" though. I've been pondering a lot that when you are a certain way (non-compliant with society in one or more areas), you just can't be yourself as a lot of people say ("just be yourself just be yourself" as if that fixes everything, might be true for most people but certainly not all), because if you do, you start losing a lot (money because you can't get a job that feels yourself, relationships with people because people see you as weird, and a lot of other stuff, in other words life becomes impossible being yourself all the time).

 

[xoirse]

to some extent, even though people say they relate to some things, i believe like maybe 50% of it. this is due to the fact that even though they understand how you feel, the experience in order to finally get it may be different from person to person which makes it very complex to actually put your feelings specifically into words.

 

[belowhorizon]

I was like that once. I only see the world in black and white but I believe there's always something in between.

Also positivity is always going to be the choice because negativity makes people uncomfortable. Handling it seems difficult.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Honestly, I think your views pretty much hit the nail on the head when it comes to how the world is. People grow up with this black and white idea of good and bad. A lot of us like to forget that we are all humans and that humans are complex. Even the worst of us have a reason behind our behaviour, whether it be trauma, brain injuries or abnormalites, cultural upbringings, etc. We reduce people down to good or evil and through doing so we fail to recognize that even we ourselves are bad and evil, but we are also good too.

Along with that, those reactions you see people have when it comes to fiction are reactions that are reflected irl. When people see others who they interpret as the villian and those who they interpret as the victim they have the same reaction. However, at least amongst some people, that reaction ends when people remember that "villian" is also a person and that their reactions towards them have caused them harm. Even then, people don't want to view themselves as the bad guy, so they either double down on their behaviour or they pretend like they weren't a participant in causing that person so much pain.

I remember how I used to hold the same views most people did when it came to good and evil. When I was younger, it blinded me from my own horrible actions. When I got older, it caused me to feel like a monster when what I did finally hit me. Now, I'm trying to accept that fact that part of being human is hurting others, even when we don't realize it at the time, and that to grow means acknowledging those actions, learning from them, and using them to better myself. It's to use them as a lesson on what not to do.

Part of why abuse is a cycle is because victims starts to rationalize their own abusive behaviours and cannot acknowledge their bad actions since doing so means being a bad person. Part of why people commit heinous crimes is because they already view themselves as bad people and see no room for change. People who are bigoted will cannot see the harm they cause because they think of themselves as good people. You see yourself as the good guy because you are you. You understand yourself better than anyone, so it's hard to see how anyone from outsiders perspective can see you as a bad person. When you see yourself as bad, it's because you see yourself as a monster, so you don't see any point in trying to be good.

People are complex. You have more in common with the worst people out there than you do with Jesus or any of those 2-dimensional heroes you see in fiction. Everybody suffers to some degree. Like you said, we are all victims of this world. Acknowledging your complexity as humans and being able to acknowledge the good, the bad, everything in between that makes you you is important. To acknowledge that in others is important. When we acknowledge this, we allow for growth and understanding. A lot of the horrible things seens around the world, from cycles of abuse, normalized abusive behaviours, horrible prisons, crime, and more, partly stem from the black and white thinking we have been raised with.

 

[theboy]

due to lack of knowledge, taboo or lack of empathy from people

 

[Aplev]

to some extent, even though people say they relate to some things, i believe like maybe 50% of it. this is due to the fact that even though they understand how you feel, the experience in order to finally get it may be different from person to person which makes it very complex to actually put your feelings specifically into words.

Actually, my thoughts exactly. But, rather, my point is that they at least get to that point where they can say "I relate". Not gonna lie, I get to that point sometimes too but it's very scarcely so to speak. I hear/know some people can get to the point where at least they feel more motivated to keep going/living life when they see that there are thousands or hundreds of thousands feeling at least in similar ways. I never get to that point because I think there are several degrees of uniqueness in every person, and while some people are somewhat unique, others are like one out of a billion, and I feel I am there. So yes, that "I relate" may not be 100% but even 50% is a lot and even more if it happens a lot of the time and even more if it can motivate you/make you feel like you are part of the team. I know a lot of people get there, but also some of us never could I believe, because we are on other side of the uniqueness spectrum.

Honestly, I think your views pretty much hit the nail on the head when it comes to how the world is. People grow up with this black and white idea of good and bad. A lot of us like to forget that we are all humans and that humans are complex. Even the worst of us have a reason behind our behaviour, whether it be trauma, brain injuries or abnormalites, cultural upbringings, etc. We reduce people down to good or evil and through doing so we fail to recognize that even we ourselves are bad and evil, but we are also good too.

Along with that, those reactions you see people have when it comes to fiction are reactions that are reflected irl. When people see others who they interpret as the villian and those who they interpret as the victim they have the same reaction. However, at least amongst some people, that reaction ends when people remember that "villian" is also a person and that their reactions towards them have caused them harm. Even then, people don't want to view themselves as the bad guy, so they either double down on their behaviour or they pretend like they weren't a participant in causing that person so much pain.

I remember how I used to hold the same views most people did when it came to good and evil. When I was younger, it blinded me from my own horrible actions. When I got older, it caused me to feel like a monster when what I did finally hit me. Now, I'm trying to accept that fact that part of being human is hurting others, even when we don't realize it at the time, and that to grow means acknowledging those actions, learning from them, and using them to better myself. It's to use them as a lesson on what not to do.

Part of why abuse is a cycle is because victims starts to rationalize their own abusive behaviours and cannot acknowledge their bad actions since doing so means being a bad person. Part of why people commit heinous crimes is because they already view themselves as bad people and see no room for change. People who are bigoted will cannot see the harm they cause because they think of themselves as good people. You see yourself as the good guy because you are you. You understand yourself better than anyone, so it's hard to see how anyone from outsiders perspective can see you as a bad person. When you see yourself as bad, it's because you see yourself as a monster, so you don't see any point in trying to be good.

People are complex. You have more in common with the worst people out there than you do with Jesus or any of those 2-dimensional heroes you see in fiction. Everybody suffers to some degree. Like you said, we are all victims of this world. Acknowledging your complexity as humans and being able to acknowledge the good, the bad, everything in between that makes you you is important. To acknowledge that in others is important. When we acknowledge this, we allow for growth and understanding. A lot of the horrible things seens around the world, from cycles of abuse, normalized abusive behaviours, horrible prisons, crime, and more, partly stem from the black and white thinking we have been raised with.

Oh wow, there's so much I want to say here! First of all, and speaking of feeling related, I am happy someone shares at least a similar view to mine. I also like that you bring "brain injuries or abnormalities", as that's often skipped when talking about people's reasons for their behavior, and I think it actually has the same weight as pretty much every other possible reason. As there are physical, visible things that make our conditions different (height for example), there are also other physical things as well that makes us different and that motivate a lot of our behavior.

It's also interesting to me that you reached to this conclusion after going through a phase of pure "black and white" thinking, as I feel I've gone through something of the sort as well. Specially given I was raised in a very spiritual household (not exactly christian, but sort of), I mean, I think that played a huge role in my way of thinking for several years (and also in a lot of actions that I wouldn't do again now, but that I still sometimes feel sad about how people judge so toughly a lot of the time).

Regarding media and how those reactions are reflected irl, yeah, I always think that media is changing people's personalities. A lot of artists and creators say "We have to do it this way because the world has changed", but I have my doubts about that, as I think maybe because the media is following the trends, they are enforcing certain behaviors in people (our brains cannot properly distinguish between the outside world and the world of fiction, and if there's a chance of doing so, it is with a lot of awareness of what is actually going on when you are consuming media). In short, what I mean to say is that people are as they are partly because of media, and not the other way around. So that's why reactions seem to correlate very well, it's not just coincidence in other words.

"Part of being human is hurting others", curious because I reached that very same conclusion not long ago!

I also used to feel so crazy inside because I couldn't understand how I could have both good and bad traits in me, how I could be both a hero and a villain at the same time, but I think at least in that sense, a lot of us are in the same boat (though maybe lots of people haven't realized it yet, that part of why they feel like they feel is because they can't accept all sides of them). And yeah, that for sure must be at least part of why we see so much pain and suffering in the world. If you are labeled one way, there's no room for being another way, so it's pointless to try otherwise (under that logic).

EDIT: And I also think it's very interesting you say 'to how the world is', because that's my focus right now. I pretty much given up on 'being part of the team' and living the life that society expects me to, even though I work and have some hobbies but I don't do a lot of things that society expects of me, I am just trying to survive for whatever is left of my life now (after numerous and sort of miserably failed attempts if I say so myself).

 

[tbroken]

Humans, like animals, are extremely selfish. If you show weakness, someone will jump on you to eat you. The difference is the Lion will bite your throat and you will be dead in a matter of few minutes, humans are vicious and will manipulate you to suck all the blood, energy and soul you have inside.
Even at job or in church or at the supermarket, if you are not 'vigilant', they will try to rob you somehow, this is the world.
Also... SOMETIMES i found way more civilization from ppl marked as 'evil', than from ppl marked as 'good'. But I don't trust anybody in general, everyone is a devil, even if only for a small part, even me and you.
Humans jus thinks for themselves, they don't have time to understand you and your problems..

 

[sserafim]

Because people don't take the time to understand us

 

[Dayrain]

Because people don't take the time to understand us

Simply true. Because they don't want to as well.

 

[Aplev]

Humans, like animals, are extremely selfish. If you show weakness, someone will jump on you to eat you. The difference is the Lion will bite your throat and you will be dead in a matter of few minutes, humans are vicious and will manipulate you to suck all the blood, energy and soul you have inside.
Even at job or in church or at the supermarket, if you are not 'vigilant', they will try to rob you somehow, this is the world.
Also... SOMETIMES i found way more civilization from ppl marked as 'evil', than from ppl marked as 'good'. But I don't trust anybody in general, everyone is a devil, even if only for a small part, even me and you.
Humans jus thinks for themselves, they don't have time to understand you and your problems..

"SOMETIMES i found way more civilization from ppl marked as 'evil', than from ppl marked as 'good'. But I don't trust anybody in general, everyone is a devil, even if only for a small part, even me and you." Yes, I don't want to mention any specific groups because I don't want to raise a debate about any specific group here but I've run away from a lot of people who to the outside were doing great moral deeds but they were actually terrible in more ways than one. Psychologically speaking specially. You know, brainwashing, guilt tripping, gaslighting, that kind of thing, which deals more mental damage (which sometimes becomes physical as a consequence) than a lot of people can even imagine.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

It takes one to know one and I believe that, unless if they've been through our situation, they just can't understand. That seems to be a disadvantage regarding humanity as a whole