Discussion why self harm bad?

[spring vainglory]

posting this here in recovery because currently i plan on living and not choosing ctb, but i also don't plan on giving up my self harm habits as my life continues.

i dont understand it, even in a pro-choice / anti-life community like this one people still seem to look down on and discourage self harm.

if i'm only doing a bit of slashing and burning skin, what is even wrong with it?

its helpful and calming when regulating emotions is impossible otherwise, all while being a form of self expression. i like how the scars look and come out, so its not like i'm going to regret it. i have scars from a decade ago that i still like, and the new ones i make i like even more. its not like im hurting anyone else with my knife.

i just cant see the argument against self harm, especially while suicide is justified.
from my perspective, the only time people dont want you to do it is because they dont want to see your suffering. they just want you to go and "get help" on your own without giving any care. or they want you to suffer silently where they dont have to worry about it, feel bad for you, or feel bad for not giving any kind of support. which is just like how people respond to SI. so im totally not getting it how i'm seeing self harm being discouraged here too? is it only because the person might regret the scars later on?

 

[Mebius]

because medical expenses

 

[spring vainglory]

because medical expenses

that would make sense, but most self harm isnt severe enough to warrant a trip to the hospital.

 

[Mebius]

that would make sense, but most self harm isnt severe enough to warrant a trip to the hospital.

yea, but on the off chance that you somehow have an infection or something

 

[Makoto]

posting this here in recovery because currently i plan on living and not choosing ctb, but i also don't plan on giving up my self harm habits as my life continues.

i dont understand it, even in a pro-choice / anti-life community like this one people still seem to look down on and discourage self harm.

if i'm only doing a bit of slashing and burning skin, what is even wrong with it?

its helpful and calming when regulating emotions is impossible otherwise, all while being a form of self expression. i like how the scars look and come out, so its not like i'm going to regret it. i have scars from a decade ago that i still like, and the new ones i make i like even more. its not like im hurting anyone else with my knife.

i just cant see the argument against self harm, especially while suicide is justified.
from my perspective, the only time people dont want you to do it is because they dont want to see your suffering. they just want you to go and "get help" on your own without giving any care. or they want you to suffer silently where they dont have to worry about it, feel bad for you, or feel bad for not giving any kind of support. which is just like how people respond to SI. so im totally not getting it how i'm seeing self harm being discouraged here too? is it only because the person might regret the scars later on?

i got you... i one or two times(maybe 5 o 6) have put out cigarretes on my skin, until is off and the skin burned. Not very poetic, but it helped with mental chaos at that moment.

By the way, the image of your profile, its not from a manga called Vagabond? Love that manga.

 

[spring vainglory]

i got you... i one or two times(maybe 5 o 6) have put out cigarretes on my skin, until is off and the skin burned. Not very poetic, but it helped with mental chaos at that moment.

By the way, the image of your profile, its not from a manga called Vagabond? Love that manga.

yes, its otsuu from vagabond. im like her in a lot of ways ♡

 

[penguinl0v3s]

if i'm only doing a bit of slashing and burning skin, what is even wrong with it?

its helpful and calming when regulating emotions is impossible otherwise

It's a bad coping mechanism that inhibits you from being able to learn good coping mechanisms. Self-harm's like a band-aid solution, and if you're gonna live why wouldn't you improve yourself? Suicide is a purposeful rejection of life, while self-harm is directionless.

they dont want to see your suffering

I don't see that as problematic tbh. I'm not bothered by injuries either because of self-harm, but you have to remember that the average person isn't used to seeing wounds. Human instinct naturally feels discomfort to stuff like blood and injury, so feeling like they should see your injuries is a bit entitled. It's like the soft version of exposing people to gore.

 

[spring vainglory]

but you have to remember that the average person isn't used to seeing wounds. Human instinct naturally feels discomfort to stuff like blood and injury, so feeling like they should see your injuries is a bit entitled.

i see self harm like self expression. so to me the discomfort with seeing the scars is more similar to people being uncomfortable with seeing tattoos because of stigma. like how people give unsolicited comments like "you should cover those up" about tattoos is pretty similar to me as someone telling another to stop cutting without trying to offer any emotional support.
in that way having visible sh scars is more like wearing clothing that reveals tattoos because you deserve to do whatever you want with your own body, than it is forcefully exposing people to gore because you want them to suffer too. it's not like im slashing up on the subway or forcing people to look at my cuts, im just sitting on the train with skin that has scars.

its normal to have scars from just about anything, like a ripped piercing or falling off a bike as a kid. i dont think its normal for people to be discomforted by scars unless they're particularly grotesque. if the sh scars are, then i understand the discomfort, but usually they aren't that bad to make someone feel weird unless it's the association with mental health that they're actually uncomfortable with.

 

[murmur]

You know i think it depends on the intention. I've cut myself deeply a few times when ive been in a state of intense mental anguish, I needed to let it out quietly and solitarily, it was comforting even just temporarily to have that pain manifest into a physical thing that i could see. On the other hand, I have had instances where its tainted my experiences, though only because of the fear of others perception. Theres nothing inherently wrong with cutting, people get body mods/tattoos that do physical damage to the body, it is socially accepted so the intention is null, but regardless of the intention behind cutting, nobody would give you the light of day to hear you out. It depends on how obvious the scars are but, one would be lucky in a position where they wouldn't have to worry about the repercussions, honestly if i could i would have expressed my pain many a time by cutting, but unfortunately there's a potential that you bring much more problems to yourself, more than it's worth, for this reason I try to abstain.

 

[Mirrory Me]

It's bit freaky, but some do get pleasure from it. Have a lot of scars on my hands, but I wish I could have been nicer to my body- I think it's consciously aware of the things I am going through.

 

[lost_ange2211]

Well it is a behavior you developed due to bad circumstances or as a reaction to something that happened in your life. Like killing yourself, harming yourself is not in human nature or not really in any creatures nature. For example animals develop such behavior (biting themselves, chewing on themselves,..) when they are under sever stress, when they can't handle the situation they are in and many more reasons. Out in the wild no animal kills themselves neither hurts themselves. Which obviously means that their surroundings, the place they grow up, their owner,... influences their behavior. It is a coping mechanism but you would not need to cope if you would live a normal healthy life.

So i have a question for you, what made you start with self harm?

I just want to note that i just discourage it because i know it is wrong, i know it is a misbehavior. I do it too, but i wish i did not have to feel the urge to do it, to not get in the situation of feeling it is the only way to ease something deep inside of me. Additionally i personally enjoy the pain that comes with it but like someone else here mentioned already you stack up on "bad" or negative things and maybe loose track of what else is out there that could help.

If you want to i can list a few things i do/know to prevent myself to get to the point of self harm or alternatives? If not it is also okay, i am not trying to change you but knowing alternatives can help.

I think a small part in me kinda gets the self expression part.
Do you have any tattoos or thought about getting some? Maybe that could help with the permanent self expression and from what i heard getting tattoos isn't completely free of pain either?

 

[spring vainglory]

Well it is a behavior you developed due to bad circumstances or as a reaction to something that happened in your life. Like killing yourself, harming yourself is not in human nature or not really in any creatures nature. For example animals develop such behavior (biting themselves, chewing on themselves,..) when they are under sever stress, when they can't handle the situation they are in and many more reasons. Out in the wild no animal kills themselves neither hurts themselves. Which obviously means that their surroundings, the place they grow up, their owner,... influences their behavior. It is a coping mechanism but you would not need to cope if you would live a normal healthy life.

So i have a question for you, what made you start with self harm?

I just want to note that i just discourage it because i know it is wrong, i know it is a misbehavior. I do it too, but i wish i did not have to feel the urge to do it, to not get in the situation of feeling it is the only way to ease something deep inside of me. Additionally i personally enjoy the pain that comes with it but like someone else here mentioned already you stack up on "bad" or negative things and maybe loose track of what else is out there that could help.

If you want to i can list a few things i do/know to prevent myself to get to the point of self harm or alternatives? If not it is also okay, i am not trying to change you but knowing alternatives can help.

I think a small part in me kinda gets the self expression part.
Do you have any tattoos or thought about getting some? Maybe that could help with the permanent self expression and from what i heard getting tattoos isn't completely free of pain either?

i started with self harm in high school. i was trapped, extremely lonely and outcasted, being abused by my mother daily. i used scissors to take chunks of my skin off and really enjoyed the catharsis of seeing my pink flesh, i think the fact that my skin is brown (which i hated at the time) also added to that catharsis. there was such a stigma about it i remember using all sorts of mental gymnastics to justify it. i think deep down i really just wanted someone to see how much pain i was in. i felt so invisible all the time back then. honestly, the person i considered my closest irl friend at the time was a pretty little white girl who would slit her wrists, show me(and all her friends) her scars because she loved when people made a scene about them, and tell me "my problems are worse than yours." she wouldn't shut up about her life, so i knew that she was wrong. i didnt want to be like her, who seemed to be doing everything for attention, so i did whatever i could to make my self harm scars look as unconventional as possible. when people asked me about them i would lie and say it was from falling off my skateboard, everyone believed me. so in the end, there was still no one who saw my pain.

it stopped when i got away from that situation, but when i became an adult i started again. this time i did it to actually hurt myself. i hated myself and the choices i made and how i ended up just like my mother, so whenever i felt an overwhelming self hatred i would use a knife to punish myself.
it's not like that anymore, i don't hate myself or feel the need to punish myself. this time i just like having control over my emotions and expressing my suffering for the world to see.

i understand your view about it being an unnatural behavior. but there's a lot of things humans do that are unnatural behaviors, like wearing makeup not to attract a mate but to feel more comfortable in our own skin. do you discourage that behavior too? that's also a coping mechanism caused by the hardships of our environment, though it directly leads to the makeup wearer feeling worse and worse as they grow to rely on the makeup to feel a sense of self worth in at least one aspect.

i have piercings and i want many more, i love piercings. i want tattoos, but i'm poor and can never afford any. i made friends with a tattoo artist who offered to give me one for free, but in the end i'm too indecisive on what i actually want on me since the thought of it being permanent makes the decision heavy. i tend to change a lot even over the course of months, and the idea that some of the tattoos i would have gotten at 18 i would hate now makes me sick.
what i really want though is scarification. i know that's permanent too, but it's so much more beautiful than just ink. i think i will always find it beautiful, even on my own body. i would leap at the chance to get something scarred, i would make a decision no matter how quickly i had to make it if it meant not missing the chance. i have a million ideas for that already anyway. but i might never be able to afford something like that.

 

[willitpass]

Because, at least in my experience and of those I knows experience, it's not a productive behaviour. If you're doing something to hurt yourself, you are ultimately worsening your mental state, whether you believe it helps in the moment or not. I'm a severe self harmer, usually with medication overdoses, but I have dabbled in just about everything from scratching and cutting to attempting to amputate limbs. Even when I get catharsis from it, it still makes me feel worse after the high is gone. If you're going to recover, or at least chose to stay alive, self harm is 100% inhibiting you from living a happy, at least content life. Of course there's the risk of infection or nerve damage or death, or other medical complications. There's also feelings of guilt, hatred, anger, shame, depression, etc that are associated with it. No one in a right state of mind self harms. It goes against human nature to intentionally cause yourself pain. So if you are carrying on with hurting yourself, you are not doing yourself a single favor. Self harm is one of my own biggest enemies. I've done it for so long and I'm so used to it that currently trying to quit has been genuinely distressing as I don't know how to be comfortable being comfortable. Pain is my default. I have this innate urge to punish myself and be as uncomfortable as possible. But I know if I continue it will keep me from ever being content in life. In my personal instance my self harm is tied so closely to my suicidal thoughts that if I don't stop self harming I will never not be suicidal.

Self harming is not a beneficial behaviour. There is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise. It is an unhealthy coping mechanism and while I understand why people start and it would be hypocritical of me to tell someone to stop, I would NEVER give someone advice on how to do it or sit back and watch someone who has never done it decide to start without saying something. It has been a part of my life since I was a young child and it has absolutely destroyed my life. It's not a good thing.

 

[lost_ange2211]

i started with self harm in high school. i was trapped, extremely lonely and outcasted, being abused by my mother daily. i used scissors to take chunks of my skin off and really enjoyed the catharsis of seeing my pink flesh, i think the fact that my skin is brown (which i hated at the time) also added to that catharsis. there was such a stigma about it i remember using all sorts of mental gymnastics to justify it. i think deep down i really just wanted someone to see how much pain i was in. i felt so invisible all the time back then. honestly, the person i considered my closest irl friend at the time was a pretty little white girl who would slit her wrists, show me(and all her friends) her scars because she loved when people made a scene about them, and tell me "my problems are worse than yours." she wouldn't shut up about her life, so i knew that she was wrong. i didnt want to be like her, who seemed to be doing everything for attention, so i did whatever i could to make my self harm scars look as unconventional as possible. when people asked me about them i would lie and say it was from falling off my skateboard, everyone believed me. so in the end, there was still no one who saw my pain.

it stopped when i got away from that situation, but when i became an adult i started again. this time i did it to actually hurt myself. i hated myself and the choices i made and how i ended up just like my mother, so whenever i felt an overwhelming self hatred i would use a knife to punish myself.
it's not like that anymore, i don't hate myself or feel the need to punish myself. this time i just like having control over my emotions and expressing my suffering for the world to see.

i understand your view about it being an unnatural behavior. but there's a lot of things humans do that are unnatural behaviors, like wearing makeup not to attract a mate but to feel more comfortable in our own skin. do you discourage that behavior too? that's also a coping mechanism caused by the hardships of our environment, though it directly leads to the makeup wearer feeling worse and worse as they grow to rely on the makeup to feel a sense of self worth in at least one aspect.

i have piercings and i want many more, i love piercings. i want tattoos, but i'm poor and can never afford any. i made friends with a tattoo artist who offered to give me one for free, but in the end i'm too indecisive on what i actually want on me since the thought of it being permanent makes the decision heavy. i tend to change a lot even over the course of months, and the idea that some of the tattoos i would have gotten at 18 i would hate now makes me sick.
what i really want though is scarification. i know that's permanent too, but it's so much more beautiful than just ink. i think i will always find it beautiful, even on my own body. i would leap at the chance to get something scarred, i would make a decision no matter how quickly i had to make it if it meant not missing the chance. i have a million ideas for that already anyway. but i might never be able to afford something like that.

Thanks for sharing part of your story, it gave me some insights.

It seems like you went from doing it out of despair and other reasons to doing it for yourself. I don't know if you just accepted it as part of you and made it to a good thing or else - but hey I'm no professional so no more on this.

To reply to your question for me it's about physical harmful unnatural behavior that developed due to bad situations. Make up is not necessarily bad itself or meant to hurt you or cause permanent change so i do not see it as self harm.

In the end of the day it's your body and you are free to do with it what you want. I'm can't stop you and to be honest after i heard some of your explanations i can also see and accept your personal choice.

But in your case I wouldn't call it coping mechanism or classic self harm then, if I understand you right it's more of body art and self expression for you.

 

[Qua]

With close friends and family, I believe they're genuinely worried and sad to see you harm your body, inflict pain on yourself. With others, they have to understand that we don't give a shit about their opinion and it won't change anything in our lives when they go on a rant why cutting urself is bad. As long as you're fine with scars, as long as It helps your mental health and you don't feel ashamed of what you're doing- it's fine, let us be