Discussion Why it is always about who will be left behind?

[reverse03]

Just have a chat last night with a friend. She found out I will ctb soon. Why it is always about other people? Why it is always about those who I will left behind?
She said that since she already knows my plans once I did it she will have a guilt and will not have her own peace. And she ask me how about my mother's feeling.
Why it is always others? Can I not be selfish for the last time? Why should I think about other people instead of myself? Why should I continue to live for others? I am tired.

 

[Im.so.tired]

I always wondered this too. I used to ask my mother why she would not want my endless suffering to end if she loved me so much. I've come to realize it is others that are the ones being selfish. If someone I loved was in neverending pain I would accept the fact that they wanted it to end permanently. I wouldn't want them to continue suffering simply so I would not suffer from losing them. Seeking to end your pain is not selfish. Sorry to hear that you had a hard conversation.

 

[CrazyMary]

They say the pain we feel is multiplied by 10 when we die for the people that are left. Mmmm if we do the math and you leave 20 persons behind they will feel half ur pain. Anyway I get what u say it´s bs. I feel alright now and in my worst moments i haven´t done it because of my mom, but once she is gone I will probably won´t give a f anymore

 

[vegetables&sadness]

Even before I committed to CTBing back in February, I stopped talking about my suicidal thoughts with people long ago because the "What about how other people will feel" crowd is insufferable.
Lets break it down - I, someone who wants to CTB, hate being here, and I would go so far as to say it causes me consistent emotional pain. If I CTB, people who care for me will experience emotional pain for a few weeks, months, perhaps a couple of years for those closest to me. From what I've seen of others in my life experiencing grief after losing a loved one, unless you were exceptionally close to someone, a couple of years is roughly how long that intense emotional distress lasts.
If I don't CTB, because people around me let lose with the "Well what about MY feelings" shit, I experience emotional distress, most probably, for the rest of my life. Some people recover from feeling this way, I don't believe I will, I'm 11 years in the hole mentally, tried several therapists, SSRIs, smoking or drinking my problems away, this is my lot in life. It's unfair and objectively selfish for people around you to expect you to stick around for their benefit, so THEY don't get sad. They tell you they don't want you to feel this way, but they're perfectly content with you feeling this way so long as you don't go the whole 9 yards and CTB. I've really started to dislike a couple of people close to me because of this. People are just awful

 

[GrizzlyGrapefruit]

I believe that this stems from people, or at least people who agree with this line of thinking, not having suicidal ideation themselves. They've never been in a situation in their lives where they felt suicide was a viable option, therefore to them, it can't ever be logical for anyone. Since it isn't logical, it's purely selfish, cowardly, and leaves a ton of hurt for those who are left behind.

 

[SexyIncél]

Because unless you're a celeb, no one gives a fuck about you. Unless you inconvenience others

And it's embarrassing! It might make the survivors & society look bad, by letting this shit happen on their watch. Better to blame you

Similarly, you're a "coward" for fighting your fears & dying. Truly brave people hang onto life desperately by obeying a boss

 

[koalahymm]

I made the mistake of admitting to someone that I wanted to CTB and their immediate response was "But what about me? What about MEEEE?"

There's so much talk about "putting yourself first" but isn't ending a painful existence doing just that?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Maybe the ones who want to keep us around just want us around so they don't have to suffer alone. Misery loves company.

 

[Hangnail]

It's always about them. I always thought my family would be the only ones to look out for me but I learned that in the end that all they think about is them.

After I was disfigured, all my mom could think about was herself and how my depression affected her. When I was upset, she told me this was harder on her than on me, because she had to deal with my depression... even though I'm the one that was disfigured.

 

[Phtzzzing]

Just have a chat last night with a friend. She found out I will ctb soon. Why it is always about other people? Why it is always about those who I will left behind?
She said that since she already knows my plans once I did it she will have a guilt and will not have her own peace. And she ask me how about my mother's feeling.
Why it is always others? Can I not be selfish for the last time? Why should I think about other people instead of myself? Why should I continue to live for others? I am tired.

It is called grief, and there is nothing in the world harder to overcome. You will not be here, but the memory of your existence will remain.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

Just have a chat last night with a friend. She found out I will ctb soon. Why it is always about other people? Why it is always about those who I will left behind?
She said that since she already knows my plans once I did it she will have a guilt and will not have her own peace. And she ask me how about my mother's feeling.
Why it is always others? Can I not be selfish for the last time? Why should I think about other people instead of myself? Why should I continue to live for others? I am tired.

Just wondering, how are you comfortable chatting about it if it's soon in that are you sure they won't do something drastic?

Kind of outed myself as thinking about CTB at one point and all one person had to say was something along the lines of "but then who will I hang out with?"

 

[foreverfalling]

I've gotten rid of all my friends after realising this. No one is going to be there for you on these issues apart from yourself. This was the point where I had a new found understanding of loneliness. You can't make or force people to help you or take your side, and once the mask comes off, even friendships of years will turn on you. Being true to yourself means there's no reason for people to be friends with you.

Helping others reach their goals is what is truly selfless, because you do not gain anything apart from comfort of your own conscience, that you helped someone. It took me too long to realise that most people are just plain selfish in disguise.

I hope you and I can at least find some sort of support from each other here.

 

[Pluto]

I agree. The implication is that we should live with any amount of chronic pain purely so that a few other people don't have to process a bit of grief and loss. What kind of lifestyle is that?

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

I think it's quite reductive to say that anyone who doesn't want us to ctb is selfish, objectively it's just a difficult situation because we don't want to continue living in pain, meanwhile our loved ones naturally don't want to suffer the pain of losing us. I guess our perspectives will differ depending on what kind of relationship we have with the people we're leaving behind.

 

[hamvil]

It is what my wife tells me when I tell her that I want to die. She tells me to think also about her, how can she go on etc. Tbh I think that after a while she will be fine and she could even create a new life for herself with a man that requires less maintenance than me. I think I am doing her a favour sometimes.

 

[makethepainstop]

The Normals always try to talk us out of our ctb plans, they will interfere to the nth degree to make sure you do not succeed. Like the guy in the X-files, I say "Trust no one!" Those who try to dissuade us from our goal, cannot understand our suffering, to them life is just peachy!

 

[FuneralCry]

Because people are selfish. But it's really our life and our decision and I believe that nobody should be guilt tripped and forced into staying here against their wishes. None of us asked for this existence in the first place anyway. Death and loss are simply a part of life, we only exist just to die anyway and be forgotten about so therefore there is nothing wrong with someone deciding to exit this world when the time is right for them. I would prefer to exit at a time of my own choosing than dying at a time out of my control. But those who are not suicidal themselves simply wouldn't understand what suicidal people go through as we all experience life differently after all.