Venting Why is this so hard? Losing my mind searching for SN

[Panopticon021]

Hi Everyone

Longtime lurker, but very rarely post or comment. I live in NZ, for context.

I joined this site a few years ago, just before an unsuccessful hanging - then partial hanging - attempt. I've been meandering along ever since. A cocktail of meds keeps me in this dreadful purgatory. I'm past the shock, anger and tears of initially becoming suicidal. I'm in a comfortable phase of having made up my mind, and making it as efficient as possible.

I want to go, I know it's time. I just can't bear the thought of yet another failure, and the inevitable embarrassment that follows. Last time I ended up in a mental hospital, and everyone in my small town found out about it.

SN seems to be the way to go.

HOW ON EARTH am I supposed to get a hold of this stuff? So far, I have tried:

• Tried local suppliers. All have B2B or other restrictions. Rejected.
• Ordering from a site that is well known here. Starts with S. They cancelled my order, as they could not ship to my country (NZ)
• Assumed (from sites name) that it was based in China. Tried ordering from freight-forwarding company, who would then send to me. FF company cancelled, said the site was not based in China, so they couldn't help. Order cancelled. Which countries will they ship to, I wonder?
• Ordered from overseas sites. Order taken, payment taken, order cancelled.
• Spent hours scouring websites, but each one has a barrier. Cannot send to NZ, minimum order quantities etc

I already have antiemetics and benzos for this method. They're often the hardest thing to source, but I found them the easiest! I have assembled some backup plans (CO, night-night) but I know there is a risk of failure with those. I often stay in hotels, so SN method seems like the ideal way to CTB.

If anyone can help me with a source, I would greatly appreciate it. I understand the suspicion you might have about sending sources to a complete random....I have done everything else myself, and now I am just tired and in pain. This post is purely out of frustration and desperation.

Throw me a bone, universe.

 

[Not A Fan]

I mean, this is exactly the situation that lawmakers and the public want you to be in. All the bad press, no one wants to have the BBC showing up at the their house or go to jail. This situation was brought about by do-gooders who don't understand the unintended consequences of their actions on other people (nor do they care.. it's really all about them.)

 

[enduringwinter]

If you keep trying I'm sure one of those websites will eventually work out. That's how I got mine (don't know what S site is tho)

Were you prescribed benzos?

 

[BlueCup]

Because it is poison and someone might use it to unalive innocent people, that's why.

 

[Panopticon021]

If you keep trying I'm sure one of those websites will eventually work out. That's how I got mine (don't know what S site is tho)

Were you prescribed benzos?

No I found them locally, the shady way. Stole AE from a relative who has an ongoing prescription
Thank you for your replies and DMs. Kinda reassuring that it's not just me. Im usually a pretty resourceful guy. This was driving me nuts!

Have any of you had success with those sites which say "contact seller" or "chat with seller now" or "ask for quote request"???

To date I have only used sites with buy now/pay now to try and fly under the radar...