I'm not trying to self diagnose and I am no way saying I am, for a fact, autistic, but my entire life theres been so many unexplainable things about how my brain works that's caused me to think this. I've been a selective mute my whole life, (not specific to autism ), i've never held any irl friendships for more than a few months, I can't communicate properly with speaking, but I do well in text or writing, i have several special interests that occupy my mind way more than anything else, like pirates, etc.
I'm just trying to think of possibilities, so that when i do seek help I'll be able to tell them what it is I'm thinking. "I think I may be _____, but I need your professional opinion."
I am scared to seek help. I'm terrified.
I'm already treated as a child by everyone around me. But I desperately want some sort of answer so I can figure out what is going on.
There may be simple fixes for some of the symptoms but, as a whole, I don't know what to do.
My panic disorder and anxiety can be treated with medication but idk what can fix what else is going on besides trying to reach out to a professional.
I want to be normal. I'd be okay with being short, being ftm, being lame, being boring, whatever, if I was just. Normal. If I could just speak like a normal person and actually be able to hold a conversation with people irl. I can't just hide behind a screen for the rest of whatever is left of my life :(