Schizotypal and selective mutism are my tormentors. I do not know how to engage with people either, quite literally forget every single social skill ever. Head goes blank and I shut down, then comes the wave of nausea. Can't get a singular word out of my mouth. For this I tend to avoid relationships, or going outside so I do not have any chance of getting dragged into conversation. If anything, I prefer texting since it gets rid of the selective mutism aspect, and it'll give me more time to think of an appropriate reply. But, there is still the issue of just..not connecting with people. I don't feel like I can relate to anyone, even if we do share similar traits. I will always feel alienated and like a complete outsider. Some sort of anomaly. If I do go through the trouble of building connections, they are plagued by a swift and inexplicable disgust, I end up despising them almost simultaneously. In the end it all spirals into complete regret and further self-isolation.
