Venting why is love so craved but never fulfilled..?

[soontobec0rpse]

i've always wanted to be loved. more than anything. everyone wants love in one way or another, but it's truly the only thing i wanted. i never recieved love or affection all throughout my childhood, i made myself miserable overachieving because the little praise i got from being exceptional drove me crazy. Then through my early teens i chased validation, doing whatever i had to to feel loved even momentarily. it's really, truly pathetic how often i think of falling in love. everyone i've loved, ended up leaving me, frightened over my habits and just everything about me. apparently i'm too much to love. Even in suicide i likely wont find someone.. the thing i'd want most now is someone to spend my last moments with.. just so i could feel loved for a little while. however i'm so insufferably useless that i likely won't find someone even then. i mean i'm practically cursed to have such horrible luck. i probably deserve it.. but i can't stand to think about how rejected i've been. i'll probably have a sad, pitiful death. people will probably look at me with pity. they'll all think i was sad and pathetic. i fucking hate it here. why must it be so hard to live happily?

 

[Death is my goal]

did you love yourself before chasing for other's?

 

[ItsAlright]

Sorry to hear about that, I can relate to most of this. The reason why we crave for love is because we were emotionally made like this and we lack of feeling cared, and it isn't fulfilled because life is not generous. It's that simple but it's definitely sad and thinking deeper about it will make it worse. And life can be so trouble and nothing really comes easy for people like us. But just like @Death is my goal said: Did you love yourself first? Because you need to love yourself in order to be loved by others; and even if they don't, at least you have your love from yourself! Hope this helps

 

[unrest]

oh dear god, this. i grew up as a kid with that perfect kid syndrome. all i ever wanted was to feel genuine love and understanding.

 

[JustLain]

I feel you with being "too much to love". I'm an awful lover, obsessive, possessive, jealous, a lot of bad traits. I wish I could change, but I just can't. It's who I am, my love language is obsession and isolation. Though I never intend on hiding it, my girlfriend knows all of my bad traits.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

cause world sux

 

[leftdreaming]

Growing up I was fed stories of true love, happy endings, perfect couples, you know the perfect fairytale relationship, right?

Turns out that people have faults, including myself, and that humans generally suck when compared to fairytales

Media fucked up our standards from a young age.

 

[whitherrvbound]

Yeah i get you. The thing is goddamned notion of childhood is mostly responsible for the "performing for validation" or love seeking zillet. Childhood is a big shareholder in your personality after all. I myself was mostly neglected during my childhood left alone and this was before my parents divorce anyway you get the picture. I did a lotta out of character things that i thought unnerving and did it for the sake of love affection attention etc. I made me hate myself just to be loved by others. Gladly im kinda cured now(like it fucking matters) and i dont need love or sympathy if it requires a "performance". The shitty thing is all of those problems carried over to one single person. She was there when i attempted,twice.And after 4.5 years of mostly bitter with bit of sweet sprinkled relationship she is with my sleazy old friend whom i ironically saved his life when he tried to ctb. Karma ,love and whatnots eat your ass this way not the other.

 

[Ashu]

But just like @Death is my goal said: Did you love yourself first? Because you need to love yourself in order to be loved by others

There's no reason to believe this.

 

[soontobec0rpse]

I feel you with being "too much to love". I'm an awful lover, obsessive, possessive, jealous, a lot of bad traits. I wish I could change, but I just can't. It's who I am, my love language is obsession and isolation. Though I never intend on hiding it, my girlfriend knows all of my bad traits.

my obsessive tendencies tend to scare people away. i feel this. i hope to one day come across someone who can truly accept it for what it is. most of my relationships begin with people saying its "cute" that i'm obsessed before experiencing it, and then being freaked out by the extremity. it's great that you've found someone accepting of you (from what i can tell) <3

 

[JustLain]

my obsessive tendencies tend to scare people away. i feel this. i hope to one day come across someone who can truly accept it for what it is. most of my relationships begin with people saying its "cute" that i'm obsessed before experiencing it, and then being freaked out by the extremity. it's great that you've found someone accepting of you (from what i can tell) <3

We're still early on in our relationship, but its been pretty great beyond her being so so busy with uni (she has been mia for 48 hours, I miss her so much it hurts). I've been called a creep and that im awful by people in the past, and I understand it, I hold no grudge. But she has done nothing but tell me to continue with my behavior, even though I'm so awful(I dont really know what I can and can't say, but I'm pretty manipulative and creepy.). So, although rare, guess some people in this world do exist who want something that us obsessive lovers provide. Try Online dating maybe? But be upfront about your real self.

 

[soontobec0rpse]

We're still early on in our relationship, but its been pretty great beyond her being so so busy with uni (she has been mia for 48 hours, I miss her so much it hurts). I've been called a creep and that im awful by people in the past, and I understand it, I hold no grudge. But she has done nothing but tell me to continue with my behavior, even though I'm so awful(I dont really know what I can and can't say, but I'm pretty manipulative and creepy.). So, although rare, guess some people in this world do exist who want something that us obsessive lovers provide. Try Online dating maybe? But be upfront about your real self.

i assume by ODing you don't mean overdosing (since that seems pretty irrelevant lol

 

[JustLain]

i assume by ODing you don't mean overdosing (since that seems pretty irrelevant lol

Correct, I noticed my mistake and made an edit. Seems you caught it before I fixed said mistake.

 

[soontobec0rpse]

Correct, I noticed my mistake and made an edit. Seems you caught it before I fixed said mistake.

lol i figured you meant online dating, just made me giggle a little. i suppose i've never really tried online dating, could be worth a try.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I can relate to this. I used to be pretty obsessed by the idea of falling in love. I suppose I just became more cynical as I got older. Friends and family that I loved, I lost and that was painful. The romantic interests I had were all limerance I'm pretty sure. It's not so much that I don't believe in love. Even that it may have been possible for me if things had gone differently but it feels out of reach now. I can't even say I truly want it because it involves trusting someone and I don't think you can trust people. I think there is some comfort in realising it is partly choice.

Still, I hope you are able to find someone. It's kind of sad that there must be so many lonely people out there with so much potential to love deeply but perhaps, they never will.

 

[JustLain]

lol i figured you meant online dating, just made me giggle a little. i suppose i've never really tried online dating, could be worth a try.

Thats how I met my current girlfriend. And some in the past. It was in some roleplay server, I wasn't even looking for love. It kind of just happened (yk, being me I kind of fall in love instantly, I loved her the second I met her). 3-4 days after we met we started dating. I told her about my bad side immidiatly. Told her she should leave since I will manipulate, control, and isolate her. She's told me she loves it, finds my obsession addicting. Its been a week now I think since we started dating. And apart from her being busy for 48 hours and leaving me in the dark about what's going on (cries but probably exams) its been great. Just wish she wasn't so caught up.

 

[feder]

my obsessive tendencies tend to scare people away. i feel this. i hope to one day come across someone who can truly accept it for what it is. most of my relationships begin with people saying its "cute" that i'm obsessed before experiencing it, and then being freaked out by the extremity. it's great that you've found someone accepting of you (from what i can tell) <3

Hey, can you please explain what you mean by "obsessive tendencies".
Of course I can google it but hearing from an actual person seems more authentic, if you are comfortable with taking about it. Thank you.

 

[JustLain]

Hey, can you please explain what you mean by "obsessive tendencies".
Of course I can google it but hearing from an actual person seems more authentic, if you are comfortable with taking about it. Thank you.

In my case, self isolation and only communicating with your partner. 400+ unread messages over night. Using all of my energy on her and being unable to take care of myself when she isnt around. (No showers, barely eating and drinking, oversleeping, etc)

 

[The anhedonic one]

I feel too much and love too much.
Yet I have never experienced real love in return before.

 

[soontobec0rpse]

Hey, can you please explain what you mean by "obsessive tendencies".
Of course I can google it but hearing from an actual person seems more authentic, if you are comfortable with taking about it. Thank you.

I tend to be a very possessive person. I'm very needy and always needing reassurance. I tend to surround my whole life around one person, they become my only reason to live. I get really jealous and I'm always scared I'll be abandoned. I want people to myself and I get really sad and upset when they're with other people. That kinda thing

 

[JustLain]

I tend to be a very possessive person. I'm very needy and always needing reassurance. I tend to surround my whole life around one person, they become my only reason to live. I get really jealous and I'm always scared I'll be abandoned. I want people to myself and I get really sad and upset when they're with other people. That kinda thing

This is so me. On hour 72 since my girlfriend last texted me. Thoughts of ctb have been plauging my mind for the past 48. Don't know if I can handle this. Anxiety attacks are near constant and I'm stuck shaking at least half of the day. Truely hate being this way but she has become the only thing I keep going for. It's bleak without her.

 

[CentreMid]

I think, overall, humans do in fact have the capacity to love. However, their capacity to be shallow, callous, hollow, selfish, indifferent, etc. greatly outweighs the love. That's why it's so rare to find someone who will truly love you and who will allow you to love them fully in return (collective "you", not directing this at anyone in particular).

There is also the need to be vulnerable in order to be loved, and so, so many people are afraid of that (myself included) which adds an extra layer of difficulty.

All in all, I won't tell you to stick it out and wait for your person, that's up to you to decide. But I do hope I could come up with a few reasons why love is craved but never fulfilled. Take care.