Venting Why is life so unfair to me?

[Ailashan]

Hi guys,

I think i might start to SH again.
about two years ago was the time i started to cut my forearms and think seriously about killing myself. The knives in my house aren't very sharp but i still managed to feel some pain. I stopped a year ago because things got a little bit better but mainly because my scars started to become noticeable. Recently, things have gotten so bad for me that i am almost certain that i will ctb befote the month of july, my main issue now is the method. Ive tried to cope until the day i'll die but it is not enough and im starting to feel the need to harm myself again. But i dont want my parents to notice, not the same parents that laughed at me when i was crying because of the bullying i was going through when i was ten. I've learned how to fight to make sure it never happens again but it still doesnt change that it happened to me and now i can't help but want to hurt people very badly for what they did to me. In fact, it became almost obsessional in me and it makes me feel really bad because i am someone very nice and soft by nature and i know that i wouldn't be the way i am right now if people didnt get me broken. But after all, its because i was this nice that people were cruel to me. And now people want me to become nice again and to not defend myself because i am "dangerous" now that i can hurt people. I find it so unfair. I just didnt want nobody to hurt me no more. Couldn't they just be nice with me in the first place? Anyways, I need to get a cutter so i can harm myself and cope with how much i want to advenge myself because i can feel that its consuming me

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Life is unfair because you are a good person. Human existence wasn't made for good people. We animals. Highly-advanced animals, but inherently animals nonethless. Just look at most of the people that are loving life right now. They're all happy because they werre able to lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, hurt or defeat someone else. All we can do as good people is turn the switch off because it's battle that will never be won.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so cruel how people have to suffer so much all through no fault of their own, humans certainly are the worst species to me, I find it horrible how many of them just create way more suffering.