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ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴍᴏɴsᴛᴇʀs
May 2, 2018
im done. im so fucking done. im sick & tired of living for no reason, having to meet these shitting expectations that i never fucking wanted. why dont you get? im not living coz i want to you dumb fuck, im here coz your keeping me here- pretending that you want me, when you clearly fucking dont.

stop lying to me. stop it. stop it.

youve driven me insane. just stop telling me you care. i hate you. I HATE YOU. i know you dont want me; i can see straight through you- you never wanted me. but i dont give a shit. you know why? im done caring about this; im done with you. good fucking luck with the rest of your shitting life.

ive only got one thing keeping me alive at this point. and she aint even human. but do you want to hear something funny? it seems like ive done nothing but her hurt for years; ive lost everything apart from her- im losing as i breathe right now. im only gonna loose her too. i dont want to watch her die. ive seen so much death, its my fucking turn.

im sorry Emma but you deserve better than me anyway.

im not gonna apologise for dying. im not gonna apologise for harming myself. im not gonna apologise for suffering from depression- so stop treating me like i owe you some fucking miracle coz of this. i dont owe you anything- its my life, ill do with it what i want.

do you want do know what i find really funny though? these shitting websites that are all about self help & positivity. ive never seen so much crap in my life. they act like everything gets better- everything will be fine. are you even looking at the shit your typing??? WAKE UP. real life aint all flowers and fucking rainbows, its just shit. they treat people with problems as these disgusting things & we keep having to censor how we really feel- theyd rather have us just lightly mention that we re screwed, and be all happy about that there 'on their website' so 'everything is gonna be fine now'. ive got some advice; you have no idea what's its like to be me, so stop pretending you do.

July 9th. that's when im gonna kill myself. come back from hols on the 8th; not at college or work then. gonna spend the day living than throw myself off the motorway bridge just out of town. not the best method i know. if i dont jump im gonna hang myself instead; theres this wood right next to it, slightly ironic though coz theres also a crematorium as well. fuck a suicide note though. i dont wont people to remember me by some shitty letter; cant seem to write it right anyways.

i dont care. this is it. my final countdown. im not living another year- tried it & it only turned out worse.

im gonna kill myself, & i cant fucking wait.