B
beyondgone
Member
- Mar 3, 2023
- 82
Feel like such a coward every attempt fails or SI takes over, why don't we have the right to die the whole world would be better off if we could just die
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Same here get closer and closer everytime last night I just stood there for a while looking down just crying telling myself just do it but it's so hard, I don't want to live just wish we all had a readily accessible quick and painless way out that doesn't mangle our body and traumatise whoever finds us but instead we're trapped in this rat raceHey! I was just about to make a similar post. I have been going to bridges over and over for the better part of 2 months now and I just can't get myself to go over the railings and jump. People who say that killing yourself is cowardly have no idea what they are talking about. I have so much more respect for people who actually follow through with it and take control of their own destiny.
Agreed! anytime i hear about someone committing suicide, I'm in awe of their strength and willpower and also a lot jealous/envious.Hey! I was just about to make a similar post. I have been going to bridges over and over for the better part of 2 months now and I just can't get myself to go over the railings and jump. People who say that killing yourself is cowardly have no idea what they are talking about. I have so much more respect for people who actually follow through with it and take control of their own destiny.
This part I don't agree with though, it is not I who failed the world but the world who has failed methe whole world would be better off if we could just die
That sounds eerily identical to how I feel, the only thing I've ever been good at is hurting people causing suffering pain and being a burden, some people are not meant for this "life" maybe we're to real in this world that's why we can't keep our mouths shut, say what needs to be said fuck it what does it matter, I guess that in itself is preparation pushing people away make everyone hate you so it's easier for them to let goSI isn't too hard to overcome for me. It actually took a lot of practice and self-affirmations. When I look at the past, all the enemies and mistakes I made, I realize how unforgiveable my existence is. I redirect all that rage and anger not onto others, but to myself. Because I know I'm deserving of that. At the very least, that's what I deserve. Nothing else. I guess... that's how I'm able to overcome it. The real issue with me is the how, where and when.
I feel at peace and even excited when I think about ctb. I used to get the same feeling when my dad would take me to the store to get a new video game (long time ago). That's probably the height of my dopamine level. Nothing big. My life isn't too lived anyway.
Physical pain and the possibility of failure or intervention are what I fear. If I do fail, but still capable of making decisions afterwards, that will just give me a reason to try again. No matter the cost.
My idiot self let the secrets out because he couldn't keep his mouth shut.
It becomes especially harder to overcome SI when you are making final preparations, or have things or people to lose. That's what came to my mind at least. I guess it varies with people. I have those things and have cried a lot. Not because I'm sad for my pathetic self, but because I know they'll be in pain when I'm gone. And I hate giving others pain, despite the fact that I couldn't shut up with my announcements and causing emotional stress in other people. They didn't deserve that. I'm so stupid. There's something clearly wrong with me.
That is what I'm doing. Preparations. Making plans to make sure things go right for people that care about me, after I'm gone. I'm not that important, and have never been too important/ or been an integral part of society let alone my family unit. So, I'm not boasting when I say I'm the one making plans.
Anyways, I wish you all the best. It's incredible to see others fighting an uphill battle with themselves just to be free. Keep up the good fight and your day will come.
Cheers.