Might be because we tried to rationalize everything in order to commit on live, even death. Being aware of an uncertainty future, can be overwhelming. Now, what stops you to CTB might be still keeping you held by external reasons, such as: Family, friends, valuable or important things, a career, etc. Fears and lack of self encouragement or determination are common and valid reasons, so, some questions to begin with would be:
What is stopping me to do it?
it this relevant for my life?
Can I detached myself of it or not?
I am not an expert and I could be wrong, do not take what i said seriously, is just an opinion, a reflection of the struggle of having to life a unwanted life.
Alessa