Venting why is even ending it all such a hard task

[white_petals]

genuinely, why is even exiting so hard. why is it so hard to arrange for things to be done after my death, why is it so hard to tell my closest friends about my intentions if it's something I've been wanting this entire time. why is it so hard to part with guilt - it has been consuming me my entire life and even in death it won't leave. I feel like a traitor for leaving behind my family, friends, students. I've grown more and more tired, and now I'm too tired even to finally die. why can't I just peacefully go to sleep and never wake up? I pray for that every single evening, yet it never happens. why. just why

 

[LaVieEnRose]

If something is worth doing, then it's probably going to be hard.

 

[accountnamerequired]

I don't know why it's like that, but I totally agree it sucks

 

[Ultra'sPurgat0rio]

I really felt that part about praying for death while asleep. There's something so brutal about having to wake up after you've done that. You just tell yourself it's going to happen the next time, so you try again and again and again and again, yet it never works. It sucks. Hope it works out for you soon, but if it doesn't, I hope that you can at least live with a little less guilt in your life.

 

[fleetingnight]

I wish I had an answer, I'm sorry you're struggling</3

 

[UKscotty]

Because suicide is literally the most unnatural thing we can do. Every fibre of the body wants to live.

That's why CTB is the hardest thing we do and is the last resort.

It can take most of us years to be ready.

 

[_Minsk]

Our society was made and is ruled by prolifers

 

[dggtscccvfd]

Because suicide is literally the most unnatural thing we can do. Every fibre of the body wants to live.

That's why CTB is the hardest thing we do and is the last resort.

It can take most of us years to be ready.

I'm finally ready after 2 years of physical suffering. I'm amazed I've been able to suffer this long before summing up the courage to CTB.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

By nature we r programmed to survive in any case, that is one thing the other thing is how society sees death. Natural death leads to grief bc it's natural but suicide does not only lead to grief it may also lead to questions that remain unanswered for the ones who stay here. Death is kinda tabu topic in nowadays societies especially suicide due to personal problems is. There's sth else - we humans can endure so much more suffering and agony what we would never expect - that makes it even harder for us to just pull the trigger and to end the misery and pain we are trapped in.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Because suicide is literally the most unnatural thing we can do. Every fibre of the body wants to live.

That's why CTB is the hardest thing we do and is the last resort.

It can take most of us years to be ready.

Makes me hate my body even more. Stupid thing doesn't even complete the most basic of functions properly and still decides to sulk and try to keep me here? I hate this body.

 

[GhostShell]

Uncertainty is the reason why most people are hesitant. What if you survive? And with permanent damage to go with it?

If there was proper euthanasia, death would be guaranteed and none of those thoughts would occur. It is only rational to not want to live with a worse quality of life because you got unlucky.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Uncertainty is the reason why most people are hesitant. What if you survive? And with permanent damage to go with it?

If there was proper euthanasia, death would be guaranteed and none of those thoughts would occur. It is only rational to not want to live with a worse quality of life because you got unlucky.

That's what happened when I tested partial. The realization that I could cripple myself made me panic.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to never wake, I wish suicide is as straightforward as just choosing to never wake again, it'd be such a relief to fall into an eternal, dreamless sleep, only eternal sleep can bring me peace. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[wsx-rt]

Because suicide is literally the most unnatural thing we can do. Every fibre of the body wants to live.

That's why CTB is the hardest thing we do and is the last resort.

It can take most of us years to be ready.

This is what I noticed when you are sick for a long time, in my case more than 10 years from physical and mental pain, when you are tired and then the body lets you go, giving you the opportunity to leave calmly and peacefully