I get this so hard. I haven't even attempted yet. May I ask what method you've tried?
Honestly living feels impossible for me right now and dying just as difficult.
Same. I should have never got rid of my gun I was intending on using the first time a few months ago. Now I have all these extra steps just to get back to the barrel in my mouth. Sat in front of the gun store for 3 hours Friday just staring at it... Couldn't get the courage to override my anxiety and tornado of thoughts and walk in. Wasted a ton of $ on Uber getting there and back. It's hard. It's fuckin hard. I think it's just hardwired from our ancestors who had to survive for so long, it's engrained into our genetics. It sucks. Wanting to die so bad but not having the balls to make it happen yourself. I'm not afraid of death. I'm really not. I'm just afraid of inflicting violence against myself in the moment. Like the actual physical part of it. I just keep making my life worse hoping it pushes me over the edge at some point.
I've been feeling the same way.
We are the product of 3.5 billion years of natural selection for survival. We have the weight of all that programming working against us, and it takes a truly heroic amount of human willpower to go against it.
Same.
Yeah, like this barrier in my brain that keeps me from doing harm to myself, and that I can't get past. At this point I just wish someone would do it for me...
This is so true, and every time I go to research for available methods I see people at the very end saying that death isn't the only option and that I could talk it out with therapy or the suicide helpline. First of all, not everyone could afford therapy! Why in the world do you even think I searched this stuff for? And second of all that helpline was useless and only suggested the same money hungry thing. Not only is it hard to die but it's literally harder to live. This is my only help, rachel!
I wish I could just fall asleep and not wake up. I can't take this anymore, but apparently I can't end it either.
