Why I want to CTB

[Nelaaaaa]

Hello! I actually just joined. But I wanted to put my story here.
I'm 26 years and have been living with depression since I was 15. I probably had it before then but I didn't know what mental illness was. I'm Hispanic and mental health is not something that was talked in my family. it's kind of like a taboo subject. I want to CTB because I'm just tired of living without a purpose. I actually wanted to get pregnant just to have a purpose but that wasn't the right thing to do because becoming a mother is something I didn't want to be. It feels like I get tired of everything. I can't have a decent relationship because I had been molested when I was younger. I had many good guys but anytime I had any sexual relationship I wanted to run away from the person. I felt disgusted. I have been in therapy and taking medications but if anything I just feel numb. This is what kills me. The numbness it's horrible. I feel like I'm drowning and can't let it out. I do have a supportive family but I'm so tired of living for someone else's happiness. I'm planning to CTB in March 12. The day after my birthday. It may be sooner depending if I can't take it anymore. I will be using SN.
So I'll post if any changes and tell you my journey.
Btw I'm huge Anime and KPOP fan!
XO

 

[allym101]

Hi! Welcome and I'm so sorry to hear that hun :( I relate to you on that whole pregnancy thing, I thought I was a complete weirdo. I thought that if maybe I got married or had a kid everything would magically be cured but I don't think I want to make such a selfish and irrational choice like that.

 

[LonelyNick]

Welcome! I saw your reply on another thread and I thought that it was very kind of you. This community had been amazing and so welcoming for me. I hope your journey toward the eternal sleep is is without challenges and may you find peace

 

[Nelaaaaa]

Thank you for replying to my post I do appreciate it!

 

[Ghost2211]

Welcome, nice to meet you. I hope you enjoy your stay here and find what you're looking for.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

Hey, welcome - we plan to CTB on the same week! Hope you find some happiness in the meantime :)

 

[_Kaira_]

Hi and welcome. I'm pretty new as well :). I can relate to your experiences. You'll find a lot of support here if you ever need to rant about anything.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Welcome.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I'm so incredibly sorry for your situation!

Welcome to the forum!

Although I am not Hispanic, I completely understand what you mean about mental health within this community, in general, and know it's not an easy subject for many Hispanic families. As an aside, I'm Caucasian and it is not an easy topic to discuss in my family, which fascinates me to death since we all have varying degrees of mental illness - my entire family!

Wishing you the best!

 

[Nelaaaaa]

Hey, welcome - we plan to CTB on the same week! Hope you find some happiness in the meantime :)

Wow really? I'm doing it around tha

Hi! Welcome and I'm so sorry to hear that hun :( I relate to you on that whole pregnancy thing, I thought I was a complete weirdo. I thought that if maybe I got married or had a kid everything would magically be cured but I don't think I want to make such a selfish and irrational choice like that.

Yes honestly I was so desperate that I felt like I needed to do that but in the end I realized that was wrong of me.

I'm so incredibly sorry for your situation!

Welcome to the forum!

Although I am not Hispanic, I completely understand what you mean about mental health within this community, in general, and know it's not an easy subject for many Hispanic families. As an aside, I'm Caucasian and it is not an easy topic to discuss in my family, which fascinates me to death since we all have varying degrees of mental illness - my entire family!

Wishing you the best!

Yeah! It's kinda weird since also in my family line there's multiple people with mental health problems. But again it's like they feel shame about it. I'm very open about it.