Why I am thinking about it

[Butterflyshadow]

Would it be okay to commit suicide because of a narcissist?
Thinking back, he wanted to transform me into his ideal of an oldschool woman.
He is a solipsist addicted to cocaine, one who thinks only of his own reality, who never puts himself in question. I notice these things, I always hope to be wrong and I am often very confused ... I loved him very much ...
he robbed me of my own individuality .. since he tended to control me so that he had every aspect of me underneath him .. and that he never opened up.
he told me that he loved me very much and would never leave me even if I had done it ...
The last 6 months of this relationship he started avoiding me when I needed to talk, hanging up the phone in my face in a very bad way (it was a long distance relationship).
Due to the fact that I have loved him very much now that obviously he is not showing up anymore and he only contacts me when it is of his interest ... I feel terrible ... I feel physical and psychological pain ..
I can't be alone anymore, I always need some comfort, talk to someone or be sourronded by people.
If I think about all the things that have happened in the last months I can't find peace ..
It's been six months since we broke up.
Before meeting him I cannot say that my life has been wonderful indeed I have gone through many difficulties, but I had the strength to get up and I was motivated to have a better future, now all his judgments often resound in my head, it seems that I can no longer do things alone.
I would like to go away to stop thinking about these things, I continue to have nightmares and to feel physical and psychological pain.
If the question then is why do you would do it if it is because of a narcissist?
I would just like to say is because I feel incredibly lonely now, I feel bad psycholophically and pshisically.
Sometimes I only would like to scream the repressed pain I went through...

 

[MindFog]

Everyone has their reason why they want to ctb. If the reason pushes them to want do it, then it's a plausible reason. Even the most successful non abused person can be suicidal, and their reasons who still be legitimate.

I was like this 3 years ago. I broke up with an abusive ex, but my mindset was "I dont want to commit suicide because of him. It's stupid to do so". I had a large ego. Only now that i realize that no, my pain was real, the abuse was real and me downplaying it was disrespectful to myself. Even then I was just being controlled by the idea of my ex. I only got over it after a year and a half. And sometimes it still hurts.

But in the end it's your choice. Just always remember that if you're doing this, it's for yourself, your own peace.

I would suggest trying to get some outside help (to someone you fully trust) if you're having doubts too. I know this sounds cliche but healing a large wound like this really takes a long time, especially if you care for that person, so please don't push yourself too hard.

 

[Butterflyshadow]

thanks so far i feel you are one of people who haven't minimized the problem

 

[NodusTollens]

I've been in a similar position before, it really does take its toll on your psyche & sense of self. So I don't believe you're wrong to be contemplating CTB for this reason.

Sorry to hear you've ever felt like your feeling we're minimized or ignored.

 

[Ghost2211]

I can relate. A decade with a narcissist, and pretty much being forever in his sphere is my primary reason. I can empathize and understand. I'm sorry you've had to endure this. Everyone's suffering and reasons to ctb are valid. Only you are living your life, so only you can or should be able to judge if your reasons are valid.