Discussion why i am here and what should i do with myself from here

[an3]

I wouldn't say the last few years have been handed to me very easily, im here to kinda share that and hear other peoples experiences and try and understand what to do with myself more.

i grew up fighting with my dad and dealing with heaps of family break down and receiving the blame for that than later getting diagnosed with ptsd and also dealing with on going depression, Alexithymia, anxiety and now i'm learning i may have adhd.

i don't know if i am just ready to cbt, the main thing that makes me consider it is two things. i regret so many things i've done with my life. from relationships and general decisions i've made that i can't get over or talk about. and the other reason would be when i think about it i don't really think i want anything from this world. anything i did want had faded and become unattainable, i constantly have the feeling of waiting to do nothing and i find myself trapped in my room while the world is screaming at me to do something with my life as a young adult (get a job, be a happy and approachable person, have a girlfriend/partner, be on top of my financial situation). i had dreams i couldn't achieve and people that i've hurt. i just don't want anything to do with being here.

i now find myself in a situation where i feel i couldn't cbt even if i wanted to. i live with my aunt and her younger daughter and doing anything would affect them both as my aunt is not very well herself and attempted around a year ago and hasn't looked for much help or support from what i understand. i've been here for a few months now and i'm just getting worse. i haven't started paying rent and it's getting kinda awkward so i'm about to go for a office job that i think would destroy me but would reduce me being a inconvenience to my aunt and family.

i'm pretty new here but i just wanted to put this out here as a start. open to what people think of this and to share similar experiences of your own <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I also want nothing to do with existing at all, in fact I never have done. Existing to me is something that is completely unappealing and of course it can be so tiring feeling trapped here. But anyway I wish you the best, life really is so unnecessarily cruel.

 

[81-Z@P@D]

I wouldn't say the last few years have been handed to me very easily, im here to kinda share that and hear other peoples experiences and try and understand what to do with myself more.

i grew up fighting with my dad and dealing with heaps of family break down and receiving the blame for that than later getting diagnosed with ptsd and also dealing with on going depression, Alexithymia, anxiety and now i'm learning i may have adhd.

i don't know if i am just ready to cbt, the main thing that makes me consider it is two things. i regret so many things i've done with my life. from relationships and general decisions i've made that i can't get over or talk about. and the other reason would be when i think about it i don't really think i want anything from this world. anything i did want had faded and become unattainable, i constantly have the feeling of waiting to do nothing and i find myself trapped in my room while the world is screaming at me to do something with my life as a young adult (get a job, be a happy and approachable person, have a girlfriend/partner, be on top of my financial situation). i had dreams i couldn't achieve and people that i've hurt. i just don't want anything to do with being here.

i now find myself in a situation where i feel i couldn't cbt even if i wanted to. i live with my aunt and her younger daughter and doing anything would affect them both as my aunt is not very well herself and attempted around a year ago and hasn't looked for much help or support from what i understand. i've been here for a few months now and i'm just getting worse. i haven't started paying rent and it's getting kinda awkward so i'm about to go for a office job that i think would destroy me but would reduce me being a inconvenience to my aunt and family.

i'm pretty new here but i just wanted to put this out here as a start. open to what people think of this and to share similar experiences of your own <3

I also want nothing to do with existing at all, in fact I never have done. Existing to me is something that is completely unappealing and of course it can be so tiring feeling trapped here. But anyway I wish you the best, life really is so unnecessarily cruel.

I agree, but I do notice that this feeling ebbs when I talk to some friend from my uni club. Probably why smaller tight knit communities where there is plenty of time to talk to neighbours or friends without stress are happier.

 

[an3]

i don't know if i am just ready to cbt, the main thing that makes me consider it is two things. i regret so many things i've done with my life. from relationships and general decisions i've made that i can't get over or talk about. and the other reason would be when i think about it i don't really think i want anything from this world. anything i did want had faded and become unattainable, i constantly have the feeling of waiting to do nothing and i find myself trapped in my room while the world is screaming at me to do something with my life as a young adult (get a job, be a happy and approachable person, have a girlfriend/partner, be on top of my financial situation). i had dreams i couldn't achieve and people that i've hurt. i just don't want anything to do with being here.

i now find myself in a situation where i feel i couldn't cbt even if i wanted to. i live with my aunt and her younger daughter and doing anything would affect them both as my aunt is not very well herself and attempted around a year ago and hasn't looked for much help or support from what i understand. i've been here for a few months now and i'm just getting worse. i haven't started paying rent and it's getting kinda awkward so i'm about to go for a office job that i think would destroy me but would reduce me being a inconvenience to my aunt and family.

ctb* not cbt, im new here welp

 

[LaVieEnRose]

What kinds of hopes or desires did you have for your life that now seem out of reach?

 

[an3]

What kinds of hopes or desires did you have for your life that now seem out of reach?

for the longest time i wanted to be a content creator and do youtube or twitch. my work was good but i was never able to stay consistent in the frequency of content or genre and because of that again and again it's failed leaving me feel hopeless

 

[LaVieEnRose]

for the longest time i wanted to be a content creator and do youtube or twitch. my work was good but i was never able to stay consistent in the frequency of content or genre and because of that again and again it's failed leaving me feel hopeless

That sounds like a very difficult thing to succeed at with a lot of competition. But if it was something that you were passionate about then it's understandable why you feel gutted by your lack of success. I guess you need to just spend some time reflecting on what alternative path you might want to take.