Why haven't you used your SN yet?

[Bear1234]

My story if anyone knows is one of chronic illness and i've been trying for treatment for the next few months which is why im holding off on using SN. I was wondering what other people's reasons are for not using SN yet if they have it in possession? Kinda like what are you waiting for or what are you still trying to still do before you die, or is something holding you back? Just curious and thought it would be nice to talk about.

PSA: This is not an encouragement of any sort, just a curiosity question thats all.

 

[milknife02]

I have to pay off debt to a family member, around $7,000. I want to give my family one last christmas. I should be gone by early this upcoming year.

 

[sadlittleman32]

Don't have an AE but have everything else…if i get sick of trying to find one I am ready to go anytime!

 

[divinemistress87]

Fear

 

[Bear1234]

I have to pay off debt to a family member, around $7,000. I want to give my family one last christmas. I should be gone by early this upcoming year.

Wow thats very sweet <3 Im proud of you stranger. Its nice that you are cleaning up your loose ends in a good way before you decided to exit.

Don't have an AE but have everything else…if i get sick of trying to find one I am ready to go anytime!

Why not try an online pharmacy or I believe the PPeH has a link to another pharmacy in there that you can also use? Just trying to give some ideas because SN without AE i hear is rough

Fear

Completely valid. Once my treatments are done in a few months, im not sure where i'll stand. If i haven't recovered then ive done everything i can but will i be able to get past the grief and fear about CTB? Idk but i guess it beats living a very poor quality of life and being in distress daily. CTB is not for the faint of heart lol. It takes immense courage.

 

[destinationlosangel]

I'm so sorry mate. Same situation. Health issues. If things get worse i will leave asap. I gave myself a year in February of this year. I'd like to share this song by Tame Impala called 'one more year'. It is pretty good.

 

[Bear1234]

I'm so sorry mate. Same situation. Health issues. If things get worse i will leave asap. I gave myself a year in February of this year. I'd like to share this song by Tame Impala called 'one more year'. It is pretty good.

Im sorry friend <3 wish life was kinder to both of us. I hope before February you find the healing you need and deserve! Miracles do happen, i don't bank on them but they do happen. Thanks for sharing the song :)

 

[Just_Another_Person]

Because it wasn't delivered and I am not sure about the date I'm gonna ctb.

 

[Bear1234]

Because it wasn't delivered and I am not sure about the date I'm gonna ctb.

hopefully you do get your SN soon, and thats fair, its always hard to decided when to CTB. No time feels like the right time.

 

[saturn1402]

i decided to travel a bit first, give myself more time with my pet, "prepare " my loved ones (I started talking to them about my suicidal tendencies so they won't be caught off guard when it will happen).
I am not giving life another chance meanwhile. I am just trying to make the most of my last months and to go in peace whenever it will be the right time

 

[milknife02]

Wow thats very sweet <3 Im proud of you stranger.

Thank you. It means a lot to hear that

 

[Bear1234]

i decided to travel a bit first, give myself more time with my pet, "prepare " my loved ones (I started talking to them about my suicidal tendencies so they won't be caught off guard when it will happen).
I am not giving life another chance meanwhile. I am just trying to make the most of my last months and to go in peace whenever it will be the right time

I like that you are living it up before you exit. Create a fun bucket list and do the things you've always wanted to do...it may give you a reason to live again <3 I am also slightly preparing my loved ones but i don't think they know the depth of it at all.

 

[itwasallascream]

My story if anyone knows is one of chronic illness and i've been trying for treatment for the next few months which is why im holding off on using SN. I was wondering what other people's reasons are for not using SN yet if they have it in possession? Kinda like what are you waiting for or what are you still trying to still do before you die, or is something holding you back? Just curious and thought it would be nice to talk about.

PSA: This is not an encouragement of any sort, just a curiosity question thats all.

I started HRT and things improved. I even started running. But things are back to square one and I'm thinking I need to just get this done. I have nothing to look forward to so what am I waiting for?

 

[Plato'sCaveDweller]

waiting for my Meto to arrive. probably a couple more weeks and then anytime is go time.

 

[Hystearical]

Inertia with life in general also fear of failure and the experience. Especially failure because that would come with horrible consequences and it would royally suck to go through something unpleasant just to not reach the desired goal

 

[whotookmylexapro]

I wish i had sn i would use it immediately

 

[heavyeyes]

I live with family and I'm hardly ever alone for very long. If all goes according to plan I should be able to soon enough though

 

[Demian]

Waiting propanolol and meto. But I'm not going to do that as soon as they arrive. I'm going to wait a while, maybe until the end of this year.

 

[Spectre]

I didn't like the way it felt the last time I tried to die with it

 

[BornByGhosts]

si

edit: for years i've only had reasons to ctb. im not holding out for anything, my moron brain is just using si to try and convince my body that life's worth living

it isn't worth living, not even for a damned second

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I have to finish all the administrative preparations of my death.

 

[wCvML2]

Had it since January of this year and everyday of this year I was ideating and contemplating but I can't physically go through the motions. The closest I've gotten to using the SN was back in July when I started the 48 hour meto regime but I didn't take the SN when it was time to take it. I don't really know what's holding me back, it's not anything conscious that I can verbalize.

 

[Valhala]

I didn't like the way it felt the last time I tried to die with it

If it's not a problem for you, write us a little more about it, every experience is valuable. Thank you.

 

[Bear1234]

I started HRT and things improved. I even started running. But things are back to square one and I'm thinking I need to just get this done. I have nothing to look forward to so what am I waiting for?

I'm sorry that you received some hope only to be let down. That is soul-crushing. I have similar thoughts, what am I waiting for? Clearly life is showing me that it's not meant for me. But I need to try the rest of these treatments. If all goes poorly, I'll be out of here early next year or end of this year.

Inertia with life in general also fear of failure and the experience. Especially failure because that would come with horrible consequences and it would royally suck to go through something unpleasant just to not reach the desired goal

I understand that too well. I truly hope anyone who gets to the point of CTB, is able to do so peacefully and with ease and successfully. If you came to the point of CTB, life had already destroyed you enough. I hope one day people make assisted suicide more accessible/less taboo

I live with family and I'm hardly ever alone for very long. If all goes according to plan I should be able to soon enough though

I live with family too, my plan is to get a hotel room when I'm ready so my family won't see me. I hope you get the chance to be away from your family soon. I pray you get the peace you deserve in whatever form that is

Waiting propanolol and meto. But I'm not going to do that as soon as they arrive. I'm going to wait a while, maybe until the end of this year.

that sounds like a good idea, tbh another couple months isn't too much of a wait. I hope you find some peace

si

edit: for years i've only had reasons to ctb. im not holding out for anything, my moron brain is just using si to try and convince my body that life's worth living

it isn't worth living, not even for a damned second

I obviously don't know the depth of ur situation but I hope you finally get your peace. Living in limbo of not being able to die and not wanting to live is a terrible place to be. I feel like I'm there right now

Had it since January of this year and everyday of this year I was ideating and contemplating but I can't physically go through the motions. The closest I've gotten to using the SN was back in July when I started the 48 hour meto regime but I didn't take the SN when it was time to take it. I don't really know what's holding me back, it's not anything conscious that I can verbalize.

That breaks my heart. I'm sorry you feel so stuck. It seems unexplainable tbh and mostly survival instinct. But when you are truly ready, you'll be able to do it. It might just not be your time yet. Maybe there's more for you to still do in this world?