Why haven’t you left yet?

[virtually_anybody]

For those of you who have all your stuff together. Why haven't you caught your bus?

 

[Elri]

Because my mom is checking my mails I can't get my sn yet for that, also i made promise to not do anything to myself for next 4 months

 

[BornBrief]

"Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill"

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

because when i tried, i was found. drs said another hour and i would have succeeded. Since then, dad flew over from the UK and has been here ever since. So I literally get 0 breathing space or opportunity :( and he keeps changing his flights.

 

[healthrecovery]

Because its difficult to jump the gun

 

[Zakovian331]

Because the reason I want to die damaged my psychology/behaviour/brain,so my mind is clouded and it's harder for me to do the right thing.

 

[bed]

SI and I don't want to fail/be found early.
It's also getting closer to the holidays and I don't want to ruin xmas for my family.

 

[Death is beautiful]

SI and I don't want to fail/be found early.
It's also getting closer to the holidays and I don't want to ruin xmas for my family.

Same
Btw, what did you do with your bottles N? will you throw them away?

 

[bed]

Same
Btw, what did you do with your bottles N? will you throw them away?

they're still good.

 

[Dot]

Because the reason I want to die damaged my psychology/behaviour/brain,so my mind is clouded and it's harder for me to do the right thing.

V simlr. Am stck in frght mde s/ SI v strng. Also clse 2 xms.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

It is taking me time to arrange everything and procure the funds. 2022 will be a productive year and a large step in the direction of me not existing anymore, hopefully.

- I will need to obtain metoclopramide

- Make enough money for 2 bottles of N

- Find a decent time where I can be in a hotel alone for 48 hours

- And last, but certainly not least, I need to fully accept that I will ruin a few lives, and that it isn't up to me to live so others feel fine. Like, what? I'm just meant to somehow continue letting these waves of torment crush me until my parents' bodies decide to give out. AND then I'm meant to work my entire life with no time for hobbies, just so I can eat some food and not legit be homeless? No thanks.

 

[Darkover]

lack of access to drugs to overdose on as simple as that if i had access to a pharmacy i'd gone in a very short time in a matter of weeks

 

[hopelessgirl]

I don't know. I am desperatly trying to find some reasons to live another day I guess. I'm in this limbo where I don't do anything with my days. The only thing I do is drinking coffee, taking my dog for walks, playing with him and feeding him. I guess I am waiting for that right day. And it hasn't been here yet.... I think I am actually trying to justify my death in my head. There is a constant discussion in my head. I am just waiting for the decision to come.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I don't know. I am desperatly trying to find some reasons to live another day I guess. I'm in this limbo where I don't do anything with my days. The only thing I do is drinking coffee, taking my dog for walks, playing with him and feeding him. I guess I am waiting for that right day. And it hasn't been here yet.... I think I am actually trying to justify my death in my head. There is a constant discussion in my head. I am just waiting for the decision to come.

Do you have your method ready?

 

[hopelessgirl]

because when i tried, i was found. drs said another hour and i would have succeeded. Since then, dad flew over from the UK and has been here ever since. So I literally get 0 breathing space or opportunity :( and he keeps changing his flights.

Do you mind me asking, what your method was? And how many hours? I'm so sorry to hear that you don't have the freedom to go as you want.

Do you have your method ready?

Yes, I have SN, antiemetics, antiacid, sedatives and painkillers :-)

I'll soon have the money to buy N though... So if I haven't gone in a couple of months I guess I'll buy that. Maybe that will help me go.

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

Do you mind me asking, what your method was? And how many hours? I'm so sorry to hear that you don't have the freedom to go as you want.

Yes, I have SN, antiemetics, antiacid, sedatives and painkillers :-)

I'll soon have the money to buy N though... So if I haven't gone in a couple of months I guess I'll buy that. Maybe that will help me go.

it was a VERY high dose of opioids. i was only found when i was cos i stupidly sent a text saying i had kept my promise and that i had tried, that the person got the second they woke up. i was found fully unconscious and blue. was on a ventilator for 2 1/2 days. Now i have SN so dont need to worry about that anymore. just need to hold on until dad leaves but i have no idea if i can manage that

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Do you mind me asking, what your method was? And how many hours? I'm so sorry to hear that you don't have the freedom to go as you want.

Yes, I have SN, antiemetics, antiacid, sedatives and painkillers :-)

I'll soon have the money to buy N though... So if I haven't gone in a couple of months I guess I'll buy that. Maybe that will help me go.

Getting SN for comfort and then following up with an N purchase seems to be very common. It's what I'm doing too. I send you love and hugs.

 

[hopelessgirl]

it was a VERY high dose of opioids. i was only found when i was cos i stupidly sent a text saying i had kept my promise and that i had tried, that the person got the second they woke up. i was found fully unconscious and blue. was on a ventilator for 2 1/2 days. Now i have SN so dont need to worry about that anymore. just need to hold on until dad leaves but i have no idea if i can manage that

I'm so sorry to hear that you were found.... I would love to go on opioids....... I'm also sad that you like me, are suffering this much.... I myself have tried partial several times. But never succeeded. I think I found the right technique once though... I also tried partial in combination with sleeping pills... Didn't go as planned. I did try to hang myself while I was completely in comatose (sleepwalking basically). Only took like 8 of zopiclone. But damn what a comfortable way to go. Just completely blank... ofc I would need ALOT more to actually die from it. So it would never work.

Getting SN for comfort and then following up with an N purchase seems to be very common. It's what I'm doing too. I send you love and hugs.

Yeah. This isn't an easy thing to plan. But it seems that is going to be the way.

Another reason is that I have access to weed and mdma. Basically meaning that I have access to euphoria. And I have people around me that love me and live perfectly normal lives. The fact that I just know that the love is there... Well it feels kind of unfair of me to just, go into black. When it's there. That it's just chemicals in my brain. And that my brain is just fucked. It's hard to explain. It's like. Right now I'm on antidepressants, and actually my constant panick is kind of gone.. And they made time speed up a bit, so that every minute and action does not feel like torture right now. Everything is a bit brighter and I no longer have tunnel vision. It feels like I'm a human being..... Despite this I would like to rest. But yeah. Knowing that I can tweak myself into living, or dying, feels kind of weird.

 

[Acceptance]

I haven't left because I have a timeline of some things I want to do before I go. But I have decided on the date being July 10th. I have also narrowed down my 3 methods to be SN, Hanging or Jumping preferably in that order. Im back living at my mothers house now so Im trying to find a time to order SN without having to spend days sitting out by the mail box...

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I really really really want to see Jurassic World Dominion first before I go.

 

[Bedrock48]

Waiting until after xmas, I also have concerns that I'll leave to ctb and SI will kick in sending me back home.

I want to leave so, so badly but professionals are still trying to push me through therapy to help me. Sometimes I want it sometimes I don't.

 

[DannyP]

I'm leaving soon

 

[Chinaski]

Like most people here, there's an ounce of courage l find lacking, and l don't mind admitting this. That limbo, that space between, knowing you *have* to go but there's something within holding you back, is a horrible place and l think for all the big talk on here, that's honestly where many of us are at. It takes great courage to bring about one's own ceasing to exist, whatever the method - you are fighting back against the most guttural, base human instinct.

Fwiw my main driver is medical reasons, l was suicidal a few years back and existed in that day to day basis, there were good people on this website with whom l shared a sense of humour, without knowing it l was *surviving* whilst planning my own death. I recovered and recovered well. Then one very simple medical procedure goes wrong and here l am again - this time l don't *want* to die as much as l recognise how my life ahead will be difficult, impossible even, and would rather leave it behind. This is difficult to overcome, l know deep down that my life is half lived, has been taken away from me by incompetent doctors, but there's still an irrational instinct to fight on. I suspect many of us here feel that way, whilst we're ruminating on dying we're certainly not living, yet we continue to exist against our own better judgement.

 

[ayb]

I have the means already at hand and it's so incredibly comforting and peaceful. I plan on exiting in a few years because I still have some stuff to do. As Hunter S Thompson remarked: I'd feel trapped if I knew I couldn't ctb at any time.

 

[Emu]

Because I'm currently stuck in a psych ward..!!
Just over 2 weeks now… gah so pained it seems I'll never get away..!!
All I want to be is out… and get it over before Xmas now I've missed it..!!! And I'm so unhappy and distressed at that fact the waiting is the worst because I want it now!!

 

[miserableforever]

For those of you who have all your stuff together. Why haven't you caught your bus?

I have 2 little daughters that need me.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

Changed my mind. I reserve the right to change it back again, though.

 

[Lostkitten1]

Tried and failed

 

[erdbeeren]

For those of you who have all your stuff together. Why haven't you caught your bus?

I'm planning on holding out until I can discreetly obtain the means to go with a high success rate.

 

[goldenvirginia]

stp tpng lk tht, its hrd t rd lol

@Dot types like that because she has no choice. Don't be so rude. Manners cost nothing.