Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Reason why I haven't is because of my family plus fear of the unknown
JimFord99
Enlightened
- Aug 18, 2019
- 1,047
Need to sort out things first. I have no fear of the unknown.
cryptic_cynic
Degenerate
- Jul 8, 2019
- 129
Fear of failure/ending up a vegetable.
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,813
I am giving life a chance and I want to exhaust my options before really CTB'ing. I came close numerous times throughout my life and while I don't enjoy life, most of the time, I'm just "tolerating" life and enduring things. You could consider it as being passively suicidal rather than actively. I would still say in the long term, I'd still very likely die by my own hands because I don't want to deal with terminal illnesses, severe disabilities, and a world getting worse each passing day/week/month/year.
I've lost the fire inside me. No love, no hate, nothing left but complete apathy. I don't care anymore about life or death, I'm just slowly rotting away.
I hope I get that fire back someday to end this once and for all.
I hope I get that fire back someday to end this once and for all.
I don't know, because I'm frequently miserable and hate my life nowadays. I totally understand why people prefer to be assisted if they choose to end their life prematurely. It's not easy to do it all by yourself and have to be all secretive about it. Then it could be an ugly scene when you're found. I think it can be a really hard task to take on alone and you might need to really be in that suicidal mind state to pull it off. It takes me to be in the right mind state and stay in that state to follow through. Usually the right mind state will pass right when I'm about to try to follow through.
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I'm finalizing my plan (as well as where to enact it; trying to choose a hotel) and have a few things left to take care of to make it easier for those to deal with the aftermath such as my Life Care Planning Packet and getting my other affairs in order. But once those are fully taken care of, I don't foresee myself waiting around much longer.
I bet if we knew what it felt like to die and be dead we would probably be gone lol! Like it's not near as bad as we think. We just struggle with the idea of complete blackness and not being. The possible aftermath might suck we have no idea. I would want to see the events that transpire after I'm dead but we probably don't get to see that lol!
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I enjoy eating food. And being in nature. Though I'm constantly depressed and alienated so I don't really know why I'm keeping myself here. The fear of failure is high. And I fear leaving prematurely when maybe there was something else I was supposed to do here. I lost my 3 cats in the last 6 weeks. They were helping me to stay here. I want to adopt another cat...but I feel it's cruel as I'm here on a day to day basis, never knowing which day will be my last. A cat could help me feel much better, my cats did bring so much joy and love into my life. Real love. But it sucks that I attached my heart to these little beings that basically banished, taking my heart with them.
I want a cat so bad but like u said I feel too uncertain about my situation and I would want a better home to have cats in. Ideally at least two cats so they have can entertain themselves if I'm gone.
woxihuanni
Illuminated
- Aug 19, 2019
- 3,299
This is one of the nights where the only reason is that the damn stuff is not here yet.
So sorry about the loss of your cats all in a matter of 6 weeks
that has to be traumatic.
Erin Inari
Member
- Sep 9, 2019
- 72
I don't really know why I am still here. Probably family but thats about it for me. My life is pointless and I've messed it up to much to fix so I'm just waiting for a final push I guess.
shango
Member
- Sep 9, 2019
- 70
The only reason why I can't ctb now is because I cant get my resources at the place I'm in right now
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
Wayfaerer
JFMSUF
- Aug 21, 2019
- 1,938
I know what comes after death and I'm trying to make the most of the time I have left.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
woxihuanni
Illuminated
- Aug 19, 2019
- 3,299
It's nothing if we rationalist fuckers are lucky. Because I have no clue how to ctb in heaven.
Jean4
Remember. I am ALWAYS right.... until I’m not
- Apr 28, 2019
- 7,557
When I tried (and failed) there was nothing. Until I woke up. Like waking up after anesthesia
Wayfaerer
JFMSUF
- Aug 21, 2019
- 1,938
Nothing comes after death, and I know that because that is what happens to every single organism that exists in our universe. Life is nothing but the result of physics acting upon itself-- It's purely accidental.
Not_Quite_Dead_Yet
Student
- Oct 27, 2018
- 134
I suppose my OCD keeps me alive. I feel a need to get all my affairs in order, dispose of things I don't want other people going through, take care of my financial stuff, etc. There is no one else to do it for me afterwards and I do hate leaving a mess.
Fragile
Broken
- Jul 7, 2019
- 1,496
mainly because of how devastated will be my family if i dies that way.
i'm also trying to give life one final chance and in the meantime i'm looking to get a really peaceful method like N or fentanyl, even heroin would work if i manage to aquire it.
i'm also trying to give life one final chance and in the meantime i'm looking to get a really peaceful method like N or fentanyl, even heroin would work if i manage to aquire it.
Because I could not find N or any reliable method that kill me without pain . I also have some hope thar doctors can fix me and they are just playing with me(Actualy a surgeoin from Argentiina told me that I was not fixable but I did not want to accept it) . I am also a coward and I don't have a courage to jump from a high builiding or hang myself) . The reality is I suffer everyday . People treat me as animal(Thanks to a Thai doctor I look like a monester) and I don't have courage to end this miserable life
Squiddy
Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
- Sep 4, 2019
- 5,903
Rachel74
Enlightened
- Sep 7, 2019
- 1,716
My stepdad is 82 so that's one reason and my partner and my dogs. Plus at the moment I'm simply not ready. Life isn't amazing but I can cope. I also take my time and I want to have the right method there ready for me.
Tortured_empath
Arcanist
- Apr 7, 2019
- 463
Rachel74
Enlightened
- Sep 7, 2019
- 1,716
Also my 18 year old niece, she as MH problems and self harms and when my brother died last year she was really ill. I want her to be in a good place before I did. I also feel pretty selfish that my brother fought for 4 years with cancer and wanted to live so much and there's me wanting to die.
Emerald
Despairing
- Sep 16, 2019
- 74
Finding the right method and getting the details right.
Afraid of pain/becoming violently ill even for a second. Also have extreme fear of heights so jumping has always been out the question.
Unlike others here I don't have any body that depends on me. No children. No partner. Nobody comes to me for help. I depend on my family to support me and often feel like a burden.
Afraid of pain/becoming violently ill even for a second. Also have extreme fear of heights so jumping has always been out the question.
Unlike others here I don't have any body that depends on me. No children. No partner. Nobody comes to me for help. I depend on my family to support me and often feel like a burden.
I know I'll be jumping and I know it will be Beachy Head. But mood swings make me almost optimistic one minute and suicidal the next, hence why I haven't ctb yet. When I'm on a low I don't think about my family I only think of escape and peace. I know I'll do it sometime though and probably in the next year.
