I agree when just looking at the words here. I'd say personally, I don't respond to it well barring certain circumstances (like if the person was being realistic and honest about it). As a whole, yes it can be more damaging than helpful. For example, years ago when I was in college, I had an academic issues with my advisor and I didn't respond well to the criticism and tough love because of certain contexts and the way my advisor was framing it.
Some people respond better to it, than others.
I do, especially during times of high stress. When shit is falling apart, having someone tell me to toughen up or grow up helps me. But it has to come from a source I respect. If some asshole just says 'Threads, toughen up.' or 'Threads, Grow up.' I will respond with a 'Fuck you, don't tell me what to do.'
When it is someone close to me, I know that they understand my feelings, they know me, and if I am being 'childish' or if I do need some tough love, they'll know when I do.
Tough love works, but it has to come from the right person.
Sums it up pretty well. Especially the part
has to come from a source I respect. I too would be defensive and ugly towards sources that I oppose when they tell me the tough love stuff. Another factor for me is
how they frame it. In other words, their delivery, wording, tone of voice, and what not. If I get some sense that they are spiting (yes spite, not spit) me, then I'm much more likely to react negatively.
For example, "1221221 get over it" and said in a harsh brash tone with indifference and malice, then I'm like "fuck you, go eat shit and die" or something along those lines.
I think it preys on the subconscious feeling some people have that their own behavior is somehow embarrassing and inappropriate. It may work for those that genuinely feel that about themselves. But for many, myself included, their behavior is unchangeable, or else they just become defensive when told to toughen up.
I was never a fan of tough love as such. It may be effective in some cases, but it operates on the flawed premise of trying to shame someone into change, rather than encouraging it from a place of kindness.
Yeah for my experiences, I respond to change better from a place of kindness than from shame and guilt.