Discussion Why does it matter if someone has it worse?

[thetwilightzone]

This is known as the fallacy of relative privation. It's commonly cited on Quora, Reddit...well pretty much online and IRL.

My question is what does this hope to accomplish? I've heard this is as equally ridiculous as saying that you can't be happy because someone is always in a better situation than you.

 

[Schopenhauer]

It's a loathsome argument, and it never works. But it tends the person using it feel good about him or herself.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

As long as there's been language there have been empty platitudes and cutesy phrases that ultimately make no sense. People love to parrot each other and often lack the ability to think for themselves. In that instance it's handy for them to have some cliche up their sleeves that sounds like a quip or witticism. It's almost an automatic knee-jerk reaction for many - a stored-up tidbit to be deployed if x and y conditions are met. It's lazy and thoughtless, and convinces me the person saying it has led a charmed life. Or at least one that hasn't involved them contemplating painting the walls with their brains for any length of time.

 

[ctoan]

if you would tell the same people you feel bad if look at instagram pictures of others...or the life of more successful people than you...they would gave you the advice not to compare yourself to others - "just look at yourself dude"

 

[NumbItAll]

It's supposed to add perspective but it's usually a really stupid argument. It doesn't make me feel better that someone else is suffering, and their situation has nothing to do with mine.

 

[thetwilightzone]

It's supposed to add perspective but it's usually a really stupid argument. It doesn't make me feel better that someone else is suffering, and their situation has nothing to do with mine.

perspective?

But I don't get how would that help. It really only serves to shame people...

 

[Pastdue]

Yes as I sat in the doctor's office last week with my bladder falling into my vagina (prolapse stage 2) despairing at the cost and success rate of the surgery (1 in 3 need to have further surgery) I was urged to think off all the people worse off than myself including people in wheelchairs. Think of all the people who can't even walk! I was told, there is always someone worse off!

Funnily enough it was only distracting for a few moments before I once again thought of my internal organs trying to push themselves out of my body and that from hereonout even if surgery is successful I will never be able to lift anything over 10kg or sneeze or poop without fear. In fact later thinking about people in wheelchairs only added to my feeling of despair about life in general. All my life I have grappled with aspergers and now this happens on top.

Life is truly cruel and unfair and the only way to beat it permanently is not to take part.

 

[AndyCurious]

Yes, everyone has their own opinion, but how can someone honestly compare? We all are different, no one is the same, and we all struggle in our own ways..

 

[stellabelle]

This is known as the fallacy of relative privation. It's commonly cited on Quora, Reddit...well pretty much online and IRL.

My question is what does this hope to accomplish? I've heard this is as equally ridiculous as saying that you can't be happy because someone is always in a better situation than you.

It doesn't. Of course there are people out there who "have it worse." But I've had it pretty fucking bad to be honest, and nothing minimizes my experience.
It's really not a good way to try and make a person think about their situation.

 

[SiArc]

It gets my craw as those in the south (US) would say when people say this to invalidate someone's feelings. So fucking what? I feel for some of those people but that does not mean what I am going through does not tear me to pieces you insensitive fucker. (That is what I would like to say to people, not to anyone in this post).

I get they are trying to put a positive spin by putting down someone else but fuck off.

 

[15dec]

I wrote this in another thread but I'm posting it here too since it seems relevant:

"On one hand, there are plenty of people you hear about who have gone through incredible hardships and are still strong. I know someone like this and often when I hear of other people like him I wonder why I'm also not coping and thriving when my situation is not as bad as others.

On the other hand, I simply can't bear the thought of going on like this for the rest of my life. We all have different capacities for our emotional/mental anguish and some people seem to be able to flourish regardless of their situation, whereas others (such as myself) struggle."

In my experience/opinion, people who tell you "X has it worse, at least you're not in this situation" have very little regard for others or their feelings, and lack the ability to empathise, and they're certainly not the type of people you want to surround yourself with or go to for support.

I used to see this argument (if you can call it that) thrown around everywhere a few years ago. Recently, just before I joined SS to be precise, I found an article about 'ways to kill yourself' which was essentially just an insensitive pro-life article that ended by showing you pictures of a little girl in a 3rd world country and a quadruple amputee, both who were still smiling despite their hardships. Then the author pointed that out and asked the reader why they weren't.

All in all it's an incredibly illogic platitude (again, if you can call it that), and while I understand the intention of "hey, at least it's not that bad, be happy for that", I feel that anyone with a shred of empathy should realise that telling someone who's depressed or suicidal to be happy it's not that bad is just going to make them feel invalidated and guilty.

 

[therhydler]

It doesn't.

 

[msexit]

It's a put down, an insult, invalidates and minimizes our individual pain and suffering.

 

[Pistolero114]

As long as there's been language there have been empty platitudes and cutesy phrases that ultimately make no sense. People love to parrot each other and often lack the ability to think for themselves. In that instance it's handy for them to have some cliche up their sleeves that sounds like a quip or witticism. It's almost an automatic knee-jerk reaction for many - a stored-up tidbit to be deployed if x and y conditions are met. It's lazy and thoughtless, and convinces me the person saying it has led a charmed life. Or at least one that hasn't involved them contemplating painting the walls with their brains for any length of time.

The general population lost the ability to think critically and without emotional ties a long time ago. And there are those out there who encourage it because they can profit by it. I remember some time ago someone said well it says this that or the other thing and I replied by pulling a recovery Bible off the shelf and said show me where it says that. Never heard a thing from them again. Actually; now that I think about it; there aren't a whole lot of people willing to speak with me about those things anymore. It's like the trash took itself out.

 

[not_a_robot]

perspective?

But I don't get how would that help. It really only serves to shame people...

Shame is one of the most powerful motivators of socalled "normal" people. They are pretty fucked in the head.

 

[stbdchick]

My worst example of this was when I was at the cardiologist for some tests and they wanted me to sign a form allowing resuscitation if anything went wrong and I reminded them my advance directive says DNR/DNI, so no, we can proceed without the form or we can skip the test.

The cardiologist on site went to call my cardiologist to decide what to do about this and left me alone with a nurse who proceeded to tell me about a quadriplegic she knew who was happy every day just to be alive. I replied, "OK, so I won't kill him."

Honestly, I don't even believe this "inspiration porn," and even if the guy does exist, I bet he's sick to death of being used as an example.

 

[Divine Trinity]

The argument uses poor people in desperate situations as fodder, there is no genuine concern for say, malnourished Syrian war orphans because that requires empathy and a moral compass. This fallacy is a [poor] argument to justify not possessing those traits for not just you in this instance, but for everyone in any instance.

It's a fallacy to support complacency, and undermine change and/or progress with the argument of essentially "so what? Deal with it". Then cherry picks a single moment in a single person's life when it isn't inarguably apparent they're miserable or dead. (well, the fallacy is commonly applied to the deceased as well.).

I think there are similarities of rationalizing between this fallacy and suicide. Post modernism, nihilism, and the appeal to futility fallacy.

 

[262653]

I've been through a situation back in school. There was a guy named Sam. Almost every boy in class was calling him a fag. And then he had an argument with a girl, a sexual partner. After they cooled up I came to that girl...
Me: You know, he is a fag.
Girl: Why do you think so?
Me: ???... everyone says that.
It was the moment a sprouting seed of reasoning made another crisp inside my silly head, although I didn't realized it atm.

My point is, cut them some slack, perhaps? We don't always behave reasonable.

 

[Memento Mori]

It's supposed to add perspective but it's usually a really stupid argument. It doesn't make me feel better that someone else is suffering, and their situation has nothing to do with mine.

for me it sometimes helps to think that someone else in a similar situation has it way worse, so im not the most fucked up case, and also he can handle it alone somehow so i should be able to too. but then i remember that my brain neurochemistry doesnt care about this lol, am just too weak and should die.

i feel like ppl throw out that phrase when having no idea what else to say to this.

 

[Coffeebean77]

To me, the fallacy of relative privation is like telling someone, "200 is such a big number, it makes 75 equal 0." It's invalidating and nonsensical.

 

[FuneralCry]

Somebody else will always have it worse as after all, in this life there is no limit as to how bad things can get, but it doesn't mean that we suffer less in anyway or takes away our problems. Suffering is not a competition, to me all suffering is completely unnecessary and nobody should ever have what they are going through invalidated.

 

[hamvil]

I felt ashamed from time to time to tell my wife of my therapist that I consider myself terminal. I mean there are people that suffer of cancer or other terrible diseases which have the right to call themselves terminal. I do not feel like that anymore, I do not see what is the point of a race about pain and bad conditions. It is not nice to wake up and feel terrified about having to experience another day, it is not nice to think about suicide from the morning to the evening, it is not nice to go to bed and feel trapped in your mind. I numb myself all day with youtube and porn because if I stay without doing anything the pain is unbearable. I make new mistakes everyday and I am not able to stop. How is this life?

 

[Superdeterminist]

It's a pitiful argument. It only worsens my grief to see how much hotter this hell can get, and is for certain other people.