Why does it have to FEEL like it matters if we are happy or unhappy, or if we live or die?

[Pain In The Ass]

I hate that it FEELS like it matters.

It CAN'T matter if 'I' am happy or unhappy, if I have live a fulfilled life or not, or if I die at 40 or 89.

Most of the humans who ever lived, died in childhood and did not live a long, happy, fulfilled life, so to feel that it matters that I achieve all that is narcissistic beyond belief. What makes me more deserving that the billions who didn't even make it to adulthood, let alone be given the opportunity to create happy, fulfilling lives? What makes me more special than them?

Yet, there IS this feeling that my life matters. I wish I didn't feel it.

The feeling that it all matters, that my life matters, makes the chronic pain so much harder to deal with. It's this feeling, that it matters, that stops me CTBing tomorrow.

I like life, minus the chronic pain. But with the pain, no way, I'm off.

It will be soon...

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it, all life is temporary and meaningless and eventually all our problems will die with us. Our lives do not matter as someday we will all die and then we will all be unable to experience anything. Things cannot matter to us at that point. Just because life is so pointless, doesn't mean that things do not bother us in the short term. To me, even know all suffering is temporary does not make it that much less bad or painful as I still have to deal with it. I wish you the best.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

The way that I see it, all life is temporary and meaningless and eventually all our problems will die with us. Our lives do not matter as someday we will all die and then we will all be unable to experience anything. Things cannot matter to us at that point. Just because life is so pointless, doesn't mean that things do not bother us in the short term. To me, even know all suffering is temporary does not make it that much less bad or painful as I still have to deal with it. I wish you the best.

But by that same logic, the fact that it is all going to end, doesn't negate the opportunity to feel fulfilled at times, or happy at how things are going. We know a piece of music will end, but we still listen to it and enjoy it - we even enjoy its ending, if it has a meaningful one. It FEELS like it matters to me that I still get to make music, fulfil my ambitions, and enjoy my life, even though I know it will end, sooner or later. I wish I didn't feel this way, because I know it has to end soon. I can't deal with the pain any more.

 

[Zzzzz]

I see what you mean. I imagine CTB would be much easier if everything truly felt meaningless. Hope you find peace in some way.

 

[Mocon33]

The way that I see it, all life is temporary and meaningless and eventually all our problems will die with us. Our lives do not matter as someday we will all die and then we will all be unable to experience anything. Things cannot matter to us at that point. Just because life is so pointless, doesn't mean that things do not bother us in the short term. To me, even know all suffering is temporary does not make it that much less bad or painful as I still have to deal with it. I wish you the best.

I agree with this so much. Life, no matter how happy or unhappy it is, is still temporary and meaningless. Think of it this way: 1,000 years is an unimaginably tiny interval in the grand scheme of things, a mote so small as to be unmeasurable next to billions of years of time. 1,000 years from now there won't be even the smallest trace that most of us have even been here. I don't mean that this is a bad thing, just that it's good to have perspective.

 

[brashwriting]

Someone once pointed out that western civilization equates existence into two permanent forms: happy or miserable.

That's not reality. Happiness implies a state of permanence; like I have defeated the final boss and get to live on my happy mountain forever. Happy does not imply a state of permanence, nor does the fact that if I'm not happy, then I must be a miserable wretch.

Neither are true. I'm usually not happy, but I find importance and meaning in my daily life tasks. And just because I am "not happy," that doesn't mean that I'm sad or I'm miserable.

Now it's important to add the third point: if I'm not happy but I'm not miserable, then why am I planning on CTB?

To put it simply, I have no desire to live a pedantic existence anymore. People are too mean and angry with each other. I have no desire to live on such a society.