Discussion Why do you SI(Self-Injure)?

[ixkitty]

If you Self Injure,why?
Is it just because you want to?
Is it because you can't handle mental pain so you have to physically feel it to process it and make it make sense?
Is it because you want the outside of your body the match how you feel you look the inside?
Is it a stress reliever?
Is it self loathing?

Curious minds want to know.

Also.. I'm all of the above

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Why do you "survival instinct"?

 

[ixkitty]

Why do you "survival instinct"?

Ah! Self injure! Let me clarify lol

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Ah! Self injure! Let me clarify lol

Oh, okay.

 

[astr4]

i get such intense anger and hatred and self loathing and i just have to punish myself. and it honestly feels great just to hurt myself like the pathetic little worm i am. makes me feel satisfied like "yes, i'm doing something to hurt someone who deserves it."

it honestly started as a self discipline thing (every time i played something wrong on the piano i would hurt myself in the hopes the pain would remind me to never make that mistake again) but eventually turned vindictive (HOW DARE i make that mistake??)

 

[Fifi2]

Sometimes I don't think I even fully understand why I do it. I think I feel so damaged beyond repair that I feel the need to show that damage on the outside too. I want my body to be injured and scarred so I can see my pain and suffering on the outside. I also find the blood very soothing.

 

[timetodie24]

Various reasons for me.
Sometimes it's a way to calm down when overwhelmed, i'm not great at identifying my emotions and that helps me release it regardless.
Sometimes it's self- punishment when frustrated at myself
Sometimes it's more compulsive, due to certain thoughts and voices , I feel i have to do it to protect others

 

[ixkitty]

i get such intense anger and hatred and self loathing and i just have to punish myself. and it honestly feels great just to hurt myself like the pathetic little worm i am. makes me feel satisfied like "yes, i'm doing something to hurt someone who deserves it."

it honestly started as a self discipline thing (every time i played something wrong on the piano i would hurt myself in the hopes the pain would remind me to never make that mistake again) but eventually turned vindictive (HOW DARE i make that mistake??)

I feel that. Once was a "hey you fucked up don't do it again" and now is a "pathetic POS you deserve this." Or maybe even "hurt yourself so you don't hurt others" (also me)

Various reasons for me.
Sometimes it's a way to calm down when overwhelmed, i'm not great at identifying my emotions and that helps me release it regardless.
Sometimes it's self- punishment when frustrated at myself
Sometimes it's more compulsive, due to certain thoughts and voices , I feel i have to do it to protect others

Okay, I can follow that logic as well.. I appreciate the input.

 

[SketchTurner]

I just self harm like an animal in a cage, scratching myself and pulling my toenails out. It's really not much of a conscious process, just stress relief and so on.

 

[ixkitty]

I just self harm like an animal in a cage, scratching myself and pulling my toenails out. It's really not much of a conscious process, just stress relief and so on.

Okay.. so your injuring isn't brought on by a specific stimuli ? I appreciate your input !

 

[SketchTurner]

Okay.. so your injuring isn't brought on by a specific stimuli ? I appreciate your input !

Just in certain moods get the compulsion, pretty much excoriation disorder I guess. Feels good and once I start I can't stop, if I try my mind fights me. I used to self harm with blades as a teenager but it wasn't super serious and I didn't really get much benefit from it.

 

[ixkitty]

Just in certain moods get the compulsion, pretty much excoriation disorder I guess. Feels good and once I start I can't stop, if I try my mind fights me. I used to self harm with blades as a teenager but it wasn't super serious and I didn't really get much benefit from it.

Ah! The picking disorder. I gotcha. Okay !

 

[iloveloving]

"Physical injury triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers. These chemicals can create a temporary sense of relief or even a feeling of numbness", which makes me escape emotional pain momentarily.

There is a neurological overlap of emotional and physical pain. "The anterior cingulate cortex and the insula, which are activated during physical pain, are also involved when we experience emotional pain." The brain starts to focus on sending those endorphins towards to the physical pain, which can also get rid of the emotional pain.

When I'm hurting really badly then I can get rid of that feeling in my chest with just a few swipes. Unfortunately, the pain of living has became so much more that this no longer works for me.

 

[peerlesscucumber]

Started off as a way to de-stress and try to get attention from my loved ones, now it has just evolved to some kind of hobby I do out of boredom

(I don't like calling it an addiction since I've been able to stop whenever I have wanted to and for how long I've wanted to. Feels kind of invalidating to others who r actually addicted)

 

[ixkitty]

"Physical injury triggers the release of endorphins, the body's natural painkillers. These chemicals can create a temporary sense of relief or even a feeling of numbness", which makes me escape emotional pain momentarily.

There is a neurological overlap of emotional and physical pain. "The anterior cingulate cortex and the insula, which are activated during physical pain, are also involved when we experience emotional pain." The brain starts to focus on sending those endorphins towards to the physical pain, which can also get rid of the emotional pain.

When I'm hurting really badly then I can get rid of that feeling in my chest with just a few swipes. Unfortunately, the pain of living has became so much more that this no longer works for me.

Ohh.. science! Thank you. That explains a lot!

Started off as a way to de-stress and try to get attention from my loved ones, now it has just evolved to some kind of hobby I do out of boredom

(I don't like calling it an addiction since I've been able to stop whenever I have wanted to and for how long I've wanted to. Feels kind of invalidating to others who r actually addicted)

I understand. Thanks for sharing!

 

[willitpass]

Self loathing. I believe I deserve the pain. When I was younger and would cut I would do it to ease intense emotions or help myself feel something. I still do that sometimes with punching myself. But most of my self harm methods now are slow and don't give immediate release. They are a methodical way to torture myself, as well as working to weaken my body to allow for an easier suicide. I starve, binge, dehydrate, abuse laxatives, overdose on OTC pain killers, sleep deprive myself, the list goes on. I feel sick most days. Dizzy, fatigued, nauseous, headaches, body aches. I feel constantly as if I have the flu anymore. And I feel I deserve it. I disgust myself.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I wish I knew/understood. Combination of reassurance/grounding/maintaining attention levels. If challenged and try to think about it/understand it, I get super flustered and confused and frustrated like some lost kid and thats when more impulsive stuff sometimes happens usually as part of some totally inappropriate tantrum. Get frantic and don't know what to do with my hands/me. Hence why isolation is the best for me - keep away from anyone who questions because I have no answers which makes me feel worse.

 

[ixkitty]

Self loathing. I believe I deserve the pain. When I was younger and would cut I would do it to ease intense emotions or help myself feel something. I still do that sometimes with punching myself. But most of my self harm methods now are slow and don't give immediate release. They are a methodical way to torture myself, as well as working to weaken my body to allow for an easier suicide. I starve, binge, dehydrate, abuse laxatives, overdose on OTC pain killers, sleep deprive myself, the list goes on. I feel sick most days. Dizzy, fatigued, nauseous, headaches, body aches. I feel constantly as if I have the flu anymore. And I feel I deserve it. I disgust myself.

That sounds like me. I deserve it. Emotions are too much and I gotta manage it somehow! Your method is interesting, but what happens if you're overwhelmed with an emotion? Do you still do slow and torture? Or is it something quick to ease it then continue on either the rest?

I wish I knew/understood. Combination of reassurance/grounding/maintaining attention levels. If challenged and try to think about it/understand it, I get super flustered and confused and frustrated like some lost kid and thats when more impulsive stuff sometimes happens usually as part of some totally inappropriate tantrum. Get frantic and don't know what to do with my hands/me. Hence why isolation is the best for me - keep away from anyone who questions because I have no answers which makes me feel worse.

I understand.. I'm sorry you're tortured like that !

 

[willitpass]

That sounds like me. I deserve it. Emotions are too much and I gotta manage it somehow! Your method is interesting, but what happens if you're overwhelmed with an emotion? Do you still do slow and torture? Or is it something quick to ease it then continue on either the rest?

If I need immediate release I'll do something small like punch myself or bite my lips/tongue. I haven't cut myself for the sake of release in years. I don't get satisfaction from it so I keep it simple. Something quick and accessible that I only need my body for like punching is usually enough to ground me pretty quickly. As I've gotten older my emotions have levelled out enough that I rarely become so overwhelmed as to need immediate release like that. A slow cooking method gives me more satisfaction.

 

[ixkitty]

If I need immediate release I'll do something small like punch myself or bite my lips/tongue. I haven't cut myself for the sake of release in years. I don't get satisfaction from it so I keep it simple. Something quick and accessible that I only need my body for like punching is usually enough to ground me pretty quickly. As I've gotten older my emotions have levelled out enough that I rarely become so overwhelmed as to need immediate release like that. A slow cooking method gives me more satisfaction.

Ohh I understand! Thank you for answering.

 

[RadiantNumber]

Because I hate my self, not myself my self, my whole being is disgusting for me

 

[lucmucpuc]

endorphins