Why do you have suicidal thoughts?

[DUDale]

Inviting anyone and everyone here to share thoughts, feelings and emotions about what you are experiencing. Why do you think about suicide? Do you think you will? Are you conflicted? How and when do you think you will? Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

 

[Salkak]

I am just too tired of depression. It seems like it would never get better. I have been like this for 10 years. I can't live like this for another 10 years. I am also unable to accomplish anything thing in life. Unemployed and depressed basically these are the primary reason I am suicidal. Wbu?

 

[Liebestod]

Because I just happened to be alive. Life is suffering.

 

[shampoo sniffer]

Because I'm terribly afraid of the future. Things are only going to go downhill from here. And they're already crappy.

 

[DUDale]

I have a long list of reasons which add up and compound. Old. Severely disabled. Losing my hearing and eyesight. In constant pain. Can no longer financially afford to live. Facing the prospect of absolute homelessness again. Have been denied even the most basic adequate health care in the united states. Losing mental sharpness and clarity. Lost all my teeth, making eating difficult and painful and at times nearly impossible. No help and support with transportation or anything else. My feet are paralyzed and severe nerve damage which is getting worse like everything else is. United States makes it harder and harder to survive. So I probably can't anyway. These are the most compelling reasons.

 

[mkmk_1]

I put all my eggs in one basket.

I don't want to go on without her.

"I'm sorry I hurt you". Bullshit. I lost to a fucking cocaine addict. How did I fucking lose to a drug addict, how man HOW.

 

[DUDale]

I hate the 21st century. I hate the technology. I hate the way everyone has become dependent on it. I hate cellphones.

 

[Captain Howdy]

For me, it's a drastic downfall in my financial situation powering the suicide engine. But there are a ton of other factors. If I solve one, I still the other ones remaining and I'm getting older. I just don't feel like fighting to "hang in there" to live in a constant state of panic and die in 15 years anyway. Really there would be no difference if I died 30 years ago, 30 years from now or in 10 minutes. It was all pointless.

 

[DUDale]

It doesn't get enough (if any) attention that in the united states, suicidal ideation is treated as it's just a mental health issue, when clearly it is not always or clearly far from the only issue. An SSRI is not always appropriate. I can make a compelling case that psychiatric meds are never appropriate and always harmful.

 

[Irisse]

It was a coping mechanism to get through abuse and traumatic events. But even when I got out of a toxic environment it just kind of stayed.

 

[DUDale]

When I committed suicide, I got treated as if it was a mental health issue ONLY! The reality is that there are many issues. None of which have anything to do with mental health.

For me, it's a drastic downfall in my financial situation powering the suicide engine. But there are a ton of other factors. If I solve one, I still the other ones remaining and I'm getting older. I just don't feel like fighting to "hang in there" to live in a constant state of panic and die in 15 years anyway. Really there would be no difference if I died 30 years ago, 30 years from now or in 10 minutes. It was all pointless.

I am feeling very similar to what you describe.

 

[certainty]

I think about suicide because I want answers to life I fear I'll never find. There's seemingly infinite ways to view the world, but that doesn't change the vast suffering that occurs, nor does it even give justification. No matter your viewpoints, you and you alone have to believe it. "No one can make you change" etc., it's all up to you, and there's no "break" until you die. Sometimes I think that it's not so much the act of dying I wish for, but rather the lack of any meaningful alternative that drives me to ideate. I guess it really does all come down to purpose lol.

 

[DUDale]

And an SSRI was supposed to make everything all better?!
Does anyone else here get the feeling that so-called mental health professionals don't even try to truly understand? Let's just give em all an SSRI and all will be well.

 

[slowdance]

I'm terrified of growing old. I don't want more disabilities. I want to choose when and how I die so it's not a surprise and I can avoid something drawn out. I don't have hope for things to get better in the long run. Every time things change for the better, they go back to changing for the worst. Sorry MLK, but the arc of the moral universe doesn't bend towards anything. Things just happen and they keep happening until you die. I'd like to die sooner rather than later.

 

[dead dav]

Depression anxiety and possible OCD and autism together with painful arthritis I constantly think about ending my life

 

[DUDale]

Thanks everyone for all the very valid responses. A lot of them, as in my case, have nothing to do with mental health. Why then in the united states is suicide treated as if it's a mental health issue ONLY?! Why then, when I committed suicide, was I locked in a mental health facility where everything about the place was bad for my mental health?

 

[FuneralCry]

Because all I want is peace from the futile and torturous burden of existence, to me existence is the most terrible, dreadful abomination that just causes harm and suffering and I'll just always prefer to not exist than suffer so unnecessarily with no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

I find it so terrifying how a human can exist for decades longer just to die in agony from old age, for me non-existence is all that's positive, existence to me just feels like a mistake and I find it the most terrible tragedy how this existence was imposed causing and bringing so much suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for, all I want is to be gone.

 

[hmnow]

All I know is that I have had them since being a teenager

It comes in waves where I plan for it, practise and just about do it. At other times I just don't even think about it

But I expect a wave will soon take me - and it will be over

 

[Off_Switch]

Because the world is such a Utopia and the euphoria is suffocating. I can't stand it anymore.

 

[DUDale]

To mandate and force someone to live when they don't want to anymore and even go so far as to bring someone back from the dead after they have already died is just as immoral as murder. Both are making a life/death decision on a life not their own. Maybe even worse than murder. In my case I believe worse because they brought me back to suffer and even did all they could possibly do to maximize my suffering. Corrupt mental health industry is pseudo-science at best. Fraudulent and some of the most evil people I have ever encountered. I'm seriously thinking about death again. Trying to talk to anyone in health care is not an option. I worry that if I tell someone how I feel and think, I could end up back at the same hellish psychiatric hospital.

 

[estoycansada]

Inviting anyone and everyone here to share thoughts, feelings and emotions about what you are experiencing. Why do you think about suicide? Do you think you will? Are you conflicted? How and when do you think you will? Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

I'm just so tired. I've been fighting these chemicals in my brain for over twenty years, I have no one to talk to, the love of my life just told me they don't give a shit about me, and I feel like I have nothing left to give.

 

[Wolf Girl]

Inviting anyone and everyone here to share thoughts, feelings and emotions about what you are experiencing. Why do you think about suicide? Do you think you will? Are you conflicted? How and when do you think you will? Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

Because of my bipolar/autism/ADHD trifecta and the loneliness it causes. I have a hard time connecting to others because of all of it. I think I will complete ctb at some point. I really want to die before my 35th birthday, but I will try to wait til my mom is gone. I am very conflicted when well, but very certain when I am in an episode. I have no idea how I will do it anymore.

 

[Jisatsu]

I'm mentally ill, I have a lifetimes worth of trauma that I've endured and I have constant issues with relationships and people around me.

 

[DUDale]

I'm mentally ill, I have a lifetimes worth of trauma that I've endured and I have constant issues with relationships and people around me.

I'm curious about why you say point blank that you're mentally ill. I am suspect about mental health diagnosis and treatment and I know that the mental health industry in the u.s. is beyond corrupt. They can diagnose anyone with a mental illness. I have been diagnosed with mental illness after a no more than 1 minute interaction with a shrink. How can that possibly be credible? Everyone's mind is unique and I think many people get diagnosed with a mental illness and then get prescribed mind fuck meds that actually make them not well mentally. The mental health industry in the united states is a form of organized crime really. I can't speak to what happens in other nations as I have not experienced and have no 1st hand knowledge.

 

[savavmdiv]

For me I am tired of pain. I have multiple chronic illnesses that cause varying levels of pain. I think about it a lot since I'm currently working on getting as much together as possible for it. I'm older and have kids, a house, a spouse. I want certain things to be in place before I go and I have been working on this for 3 years. I know I will if my surgeries and conditions don't beat me to it. I'm not conflicted anymore. I was at first. Now I am just sick of how many people make those in my situation about them. Anyone gets a whiff of my intentions and it's all about how much they would miss me and then I need to spend energy comforting them. It's just all exhausting and showed me even more I just need to get this done. No exact date.

 

[Jisatsu]

I'm curious about why you say point blank that you're mentally ill. I am suspect about mental health diagnosis and treatment and I know that the mental health industry in the u.s. is beyond corrupt. They can diagnose anyone with a mental illness. I have been diagnosed with mental illness after a no more than 1 minute interaction with a shrink. How can that possibly be credible? Everyone's mind is unique and I think many people get diagnosed with a mental illness and then get prescribed mind fuck meds that actually make them not well mentally. The mental health industry in the united states is a form of organized crime really. I can't speak to what happens in other nations as I have not experienced and have no 1st hand knowledge.

I've been placed in psych wards and mental health facilities 7 times. I have attempted suicide near 50 times from overdoses , hanging and cutting to name a few.
I have been diagnosed with several things over weeks of being observed and studied. I have borderline personality disorder, severe major depressive disorder, scizoaffective disorder, cptsd, bulimia, chronic suicidal ideation, substance abuse disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and addiction to self harm.

I do agree that mental Healthcare in the US is a joke but I believe I would be the perfect definition of someone who is mentally ill.

 

[savavmdiv]

I have a long list of reasons which add up and compound. Old. Severely disabled. Losing my hearing and eyesight. In constant pain. Can no longer financially afford to live. Facing the prospect of absolute homelessness again. Have been denied even the most basic adequate health care in the united states. Losing mental sharpness and clarity. Lost all my teeth, making eating difficult and painful and at times nearly impossible. No help and support with transportation or anything else. My feet are paralyzed and severe nerve damage which is getting worse like everything else is. United States makes it harder and harder to survive. So I probably can't anyway. These are the most compelling reasons.

I feel this. I am not in your situation and the health issues and pain get to me too. I want to go before I bankrupt my family in medical debt.

It doesn't get enough (if any) attention that in the united states, suicidal ideation is treated as it's just a mental health issue, when clearly it is not always or clearly far from the only issue. An SSRI is not always appropriate. I can make a compelling case that psychiatric meds are never appropriate and always harmful.

I can say those drugs make me worse. I have tried them and they remove any feelings of love or support I feel. They remove any desire for me to care about how I go and what it will do to my family. I stay away cause they push me over the edge when I really want to make sure I am doing this right.

 

[Verena2]

Inviting anyone and everyone here to share thoughts, feelings and emotions about what you are experiencing. Why do you think about suicide? Do you think you will? Are you conflicted? How and when do you think you will? Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

Worsening physical health, getting older & losing independence. Long-term anxiety & now depression. I really can't be bothered with it anymore. I can't say there are no positive things in my life but I fear for the future & I can't really see a way forward. In the past I could usually find something to look forward to/make me feel better but I seem to have lost that.

 

[DUDale]

I feel this. I am not in your situation and the health issues and pain get to me too. I want to go before I bankrupt my family in medical debt.

I can say those drugs make me worse. I have tried them and they remove any feelings of love or support I feel. They remove any desire for me to care about how I go and what it will do to my family. I stay away cause they push me over the edge when I really want to make sure I am doing this right.

When you say medical debt it makes me believe you are in the united states although it could be an issue in other nations, but UK, Canada and most civilized countries have health care systems where it's not an issue. In the united states we don't have a health care system. What we have instead is an insurance fraud racket with the highest costs, richest doctors and the worst health care outcomes on the planet.

 

[Ileftthidsplcee]

Inviting anyone and everyone here to share thoughts, feelings and emotions about what you are experiencing. Why do you think about suicide? Do you think you will? Are you conflicted? How and when do you think you will? Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

Im not capable of carrying the person i have become. I cant stabd the way that i am thinking,lack of emotions,unstable future. Im not sure i will, i think of suicide as a last resort if i dont see any other way out.