As I mention it way too often I am very sceptical towards drugs. And never abused them. But I was in several clinics and met a lot of people who took drugs. We had diametrical world views. It is interesting most people with a similar destroyed vegetative nervous system took drugs which led to it. I was abused as a child and this is the reason why it happened to me. But the artists who I can relate to the most took drugs which caused them their pain. Okay well David Foster Wallace always said it was the way how his mom raised him. Though I think it is pretty obvious that the severe drug abuse caused his severe menteal illness and I think he once admit that.
I am very scared about drugs. This has several reasons in my numerous clinic stays I met many schizophrenic people who had an utterly fucked brain and were complete wrecks. Some of them were even worse than me. Some people only were shells of their old character. Many of them were delusional 24/7 despite medication. Moreover I fear the stigmatization. I take sometimes benzos and z-medication otherwise my manic symptoms would become too strong and I am scared to become addicted myself. I am very scared about the stigmatization due to the fact I am obsessed of what other people think of me.
I was in a certain clinics for people with psychosis. There was a dichotomy in the clinic between good and bad patients. The good ones were the ones without ever having touched drugs (except alcohol and caffeine). And the bad ones were the people who smoked weed or even worse. In my opinion they were very smug towards the drug addicted people. I sometimes had the feeling they kind of made fun of their "stupidity". There were nuances of that behavior in the clinic but some of them were not empathetic at all. I think this was a coping mechanism of them to deal with all the suffering and people in excruciating pain on a daily basis. I am not sure whether one can fully trust my impression I was pretty unstable when I was in the clinic.
One therapist worried a lot about me. Because he knew I was very suicidal. And one time he joked he wished I would smoke some weed. He alluded to then he would not have to worry anymore about my suicide. I think this is a pretty weird world view to think like that. And I am not sure whether his view is representative for other clinics or the psychiatry in general. The psychiatry was pretty weird. People really hoped I was a nazi or drug addicted to cope better with my fate. When I was acute suicidal they asked those questions like all the time.
The certain therapist who also made the joke about me hopefully smoking weed made my anamnesis talk. (the medical history/diagnostic). I can remember a lot of things vividly. He joked that he wonders that such a smart guy like me would not take drugs. He with his job in a clinic for people with psychosis would never understand that. He seemingly asks all his patients the same question. Why have you taken drugs? For him it was the equivalent question of why have you destroyed your life in an unnecessary way. In fact many people there destroyed their life with drugs. However they were so smug about it.
I am not sure how deep they dig. I am not sure whether patients tell him whether they were abused. I once read there is a correlation between sexual child abuse and substance abuse. All I can say is in my case he asked was there anything special in your life besides the point you mentioned? He waited like 15 seconds (cannot fully remember that though) and went on.
I am pretty much anti-drugs but this smug behavior really questioned some of my own positions. I think there was at least one staff member who was pretty upset by that behavior.
Furthermore he was not really empathetic to suicidal people either. He called people who commit suicide insane. He really refered to them as the insane ones. I think he suffered a lot because of my case and he really helped in some instances. In certain areas he was way more skilled than other psychologists. However it is such a simplistic view to make such a dichotomy.
I mean there is often a complexity in many stories. I also met many people who took very hard drugs just for fun. And ruined their life. I think there is a certain responsiblity. Though one has to be careful and should not put everyone in the same category. Besides there are so many sucsessful people who took drugs. For me it is dishonest to celebrate them, their music, their technological products etc. and only mocking the ones with the bad genes who could not stomach them.
Still I would recommend not to take drugs. But yeah the topic is way more nuanced.
I am very scared about drugs. This has several reasons in my numerous clinic stays I met many schizophrenic people who had an utterly fucked brain and were complete wrecks. Some of them were even worse than me. Some people only were shells of their old character. Many of them were delusional 24/7 despite medication. Moreover I fear the stigmatization. I take sometimes benzos and z-medication otherwise my manic symptoms would become too strong and I am scared to become addicted myself. I am very scared about the stigmatization due to the fact I am obsessed of what other people think of me.
I was in a certain clinics for people with psychosis. There was a dichotomy in the clinic between good and bad patients. The good ones were the ones without ever having touched drugs (except alcohol and caffeine). And the bad ones were the people who smoked weed or even worse. In my opinion they were very smug towards the drug addicted people. I sometimes had the feeling they kind of made fun of their "stupidity". There were nuances of that behavior in the clinic but some of them were not empathetic at all. I think this was a coping mechanism of them to deal with all the suffering and people in excruciating pain on a daily basis. I am not sure whether one can fully trust my impression I was pretty unstable when I was in the clinic.
One therapist worried a lot about me. Because he knew I was very suicidal. And one time he joked he wished I would smoke some weed. He alluded to then he would not have to worry anymore about my suicide. I think this is a pretty weird world view to think like that. And I am not sure whether his view is representative for other clinics or the psychiatry in general. The psychiatry was pretty weird. People really hoped I was a nazi or drug addicted to cope better with my fate. When I was acute suicidal they asked those questions like all the time.
The certain therapist who also made the joke about me hopefully smoking weed made my anamnesis talk. (the medical history/diagnostic). I can remember a lot of things vividly. He joked that he wonders that such a smart guy like me would not take drugs. He with his job in a clinic for people with psychosis would never understand that. He seemingly asks all his patients the same question. Why have you taken drugs? For him it was the equivalent question of why have you destroyed your life in an unnecessary way. In fact many people there destroyed their life with drugs. However they were so smug about it.
I am not sure how deep they dig. I am not sure whether patients tell him whether they were abused. I once read there is a correlation between sexual child abuse and substance abuse. All I can say is in my case he asked was there anything special in your life besides the point you mentioned? He waited like 15 seconds (cannot fully remember that though) and went on.
I am pretty much anti-drugs but this smug behavior really questioned some of my own positions. I think there was at least one staff member who was pretty upset by that behavior.
Furthermore he was not really empathetic to suicidal people either. He called people who commit suicide insane. He really refered to them as the insane ones. I think he suffered a lot because of my case and he really helped in some instances. In certain areas he was way more skilled than other psychologists. However it is such a simplistic view to make such a dichotomy.
I mean there is often a complexity in many stories. I also met many people who took very hard drugs just for fun. And ruined their life. I think there is a certain responsiblity. Though one has to be careful and should not put everyone in the same category. Besides there are so many sucsessful people who took drugs. For me it is dishonest to celebrate them, their music, their technological products etc. and only mocking the ones with the bad genes who could not stomach them.
Still I would recommend not to take drugs. But yeah the topic is way more nuanced.
