Why do you continue living when everything is meaningless?

[Darkover]

We all end up in the ground eventually and everything you work for, you can't take with you.

Basically to me it feels like we're passing time until we pass on and then the next generation can do it again. Everything is temporary. Why are we even here.

life it's meaningless. It has no intrinsic value. We're born, we breathe, eat, shit until we die. Afterwards, we all end up in the same hole in the ground.

Some people try to make sense of it through religion. They can not fathom an existence where they don't matter at all, so they explain it with an afterlife where they get to spend eternity in some sort of paradise.

I don't matter. I don't care if I die tomorrow. A century from now I'll definitely be dead, and at that point it won't have made the slightest bit of difference.

Nothing is permanent. WE are brought here in this world because our parents fucked. We are born, we grow up, we grow old, we die.

I don't believe in any religion or God etc. And everything feels so meaningless. I don't want to do anything; every day is like a torture. I don't even want to eat, sleep or drink. I feel like I am the most useless person in the whole world, and I will not do anything for future generations. I will die one day, everything will be gone for me etc. I feel like I am in a deathtrap and ı cannot get out of.

life is so boring, pointless, and meaningless. I resent my parents for giving birth to me.

I exist only to be used for work. I get nothing out of this existence. This is bullshit.

I'm curious to know others reasons for continuing life after facing the reality that is our meaningless existence. I know for some, they just don't have enough in them to off themselves, and others just find life itself entertaining whether or not it has meaning… I'm curious to know everyone else's reasons for continuing their existence.

 

[Hollowman]

Trying to wait out my mom, the day she goes I'm fucking out of here. I've been sick and tired of this meaningless bs for decades.

 

[Some place nice]

I don't have the stuff I need for my method. I am a punching bag for my mom and my dad doesn't even realize I exist most of the time. the only thing I have to hold on in this world is my niece and my animals, but I don't even see her much and my animals have my mom. if I had the money to get the stuff I needed I wouldn't be here.

 

[MiMif]

Lmao to be honest I don't know...I agree with most things you said besides hating my parents for giving birth to me...my mom is amazing tho my emotions are out of wavk so I'm not sure if I love her but I appreciate her immensely.

Though if I had to choose why I'm still alive as silly as it may sound I want to do something before I die...I plan to die at 25 I'm currently 19 I have 6 years left I want to achieve some goals before I die....when I was a kid I thought depression and being suicidal was bs...how is it possible to feel awful 24 hrs a day....I laugh at my kid self...I feel fucking awful every second...more times then not it's painful to literally just be slive...late st night when I'm by myself the thought that I'm here is painful it's hard to explain but I start panicking and it gets hard to breath....for the past week I've been experiencing derealization alot...by slot I mean whenever I'm awake....it's living hell I swear my thoughts are out of wack it feels like I'm watching a 3rd pov of my life it's awful I want to die so bad....


I'm mostly still alive because I want to wait for 25...mostly cause I hear that's when the brain stops developing and I want to be confident in my decision

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

I'm building my own meaning. I've run into some people who have made my life better, whose contributions I cherish, and who I'll definitely remember after they're gone. I'm spending my resources and energy on getting to the point where I can "pass it on", so to speak. I couldn't care less about material things, or having a "legacy" and being remembered for my accomplishments. If I can help make someone's life better, like I've been helped, that's all I can ask for.

 

[Cloud Busting]

Spite.

"Killing yourself amounts to confessing. It is confessing that life is too much for you or that you do not understand it… It is merely confessing that it 'is not worth the trouble.'"

-Albert Camus

Life is stupid, banal, nonsensical, and painful. I didn't choose to be born. I could quit this game, or I could rig it to my advantage. To me, exiting is a tragedy. It is, to me, succumbing to defeat. I don't want to be defeated; I want to rise above the sick, twisted tragedy that is life. I only live one life, and I don't want to waste it, or cut it short while I'm still able to enjoy it. I want to gaze at the stars I'll never see again if I quit playing the game tomorrow.







Disclaimer:

It is up to the individual to decide if it's worth overcoming suffering and tragedy or if it is better to quit the game. This is merely what keeps me alive for now; it is not a general principle or a rule.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm holding on for my Dad. I think- once people are suicidal, it's not so much willingly staying here- we just feel like we're trapped here. Most of the time I think it's human relations, or I suppose any kind of emotional connections/dependence that tether us to this life. Many people further trap themselves by having children and/or forming more relationships with other people. At least I don't have that to worry about!

Once we know we're stuck here though- it's a matter of negotiating life via the lesser of the evils. Many people do or can find satisfaction in fulfilling a particular strength, talent or pleasure they have. From what you've said- you did when you were able to programme. Actually- I probably would feel more willing to put up with life- at least for now- if I was able to get by financially doing my creative job. That has been enough for me in the past.

I don't kid myself that me or my work is anything important in this world. I don't need approval/adoration from everyone but it helps to have it from a few people. Plus, I get a small amount of satisfaction myself when I can see I've improved at something. If I could earn enough to keep body and soul together- that probably would actually be enough for me- for now.

Still- life is cruel. It sounds like you've been prevented from fulfilling your dreams due to health issues and this world simply doesn't need my input. Ironically- it's computers that have destroyed a lot of the creative industry.

Personally though, I've recently got into podcasts. I'm super tired and stressed at the moment because of the amount of work I have to do in a short space of time but recently, I have at least been able to lose myself in it. So yeah- I think it can just be about distracting ourselves while we wait.

Bottomline is- for many reasons, many of us feel trapped here. Fear can do that too- fear of failing the CTB process. Even fears around the uncertainty of death itself. So- if realistically, we're stuck here for the time being- perhaps even for years- like I say, it's choosing the lesser of the evils. Personally, I do see why nihilism makes sense but- I wouldn't want to lose myself in it. It would just be something else to battle in life.

Plus- I don't honestly get what people think they will get out of it. There's no reward for being able to see the 'truth' in life. Maybe it means you'll be too cynical to be exploited but in reality- the way this capitalist, consumerist world is set up- everyone is exploited and everyone is exploiting others.

Plus- some people simply can't think like this all the time. Life becomes very different if you have to support yourself financially. I do actually find it kind of interesting that I would say the strongest nihilists on this site don't work. When you have to work- it becomes so much harder if you are also battling the mindset that nothing matters- even the job you are doing. Do you even bother doing a good job? Then- you won't keep that job for long! Again- it's the lesser of the evils. Most people don't want to starve or become homeless. Not everyone can get benefits. Not everyone has a family that can or will support them. For some people- they simply have to tell themselves a bullshit story to function in life- whether they truly believe it or not. So, for many- especially here- I don't think it's meaning in life that keeps them here. It's obligation or fear that traps them. Then, we try to glean some meaning to make our time here easier.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm just waiting for the bus until I'm ready for my final journey.
Yet in the meantime I'm just existing.
I see absolutely no point in being here : everything is just pointless, meaningless repetition.

 

[Cloud Busting]

I'm just waiting for the bus until I'm ready for my final journey.
Yet in the meantime I'm just existing.
I see absolutely no point in being here : everything is just pointless, meaningless repetition.

Have you read The Myth of Sisyphus?

 

[parader]

I'm curious to know others reasons for continuing life after facing the reality that is our meaningless existence. I know for some, they just don't have enough in them to off themselves, and others just find life itself entertaining whether or not it has meaning… I'm curious to know everyone else's reasons for continuing their existence.

as for me at least, i'm going from "life's meaningless :((" to "life's meaningless :)"
i used to think that finding meaning was the only way to make all the suffering i was going through somehow worth living
but since i don't care so much anymore, i also don't worry and therefore don't suffer as much
it's been quite a relief? worrying was a major part of what made my existence into hell for over a decade of my life
realizing that nothing matters has made me less suicidal than when i was overwhelmed 24/7
but that's just me and i still struggle, just not as much i guess

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Have you read The Myth of Sisyphus?

Yes, I love Camus, Sarte, schopenhauer and a few others.

 

[Cloud Busting]

Yes, I love Camus, Sarte, schopenhauer and a few others.

I have yet to read Sartre but Nausea is on my list!

when I attempted ctb I knew I was just confessing, but I just didn't care anymore, lol. I was too tired to try to live out of spite. Fuck it, I'll be a damn coward, no coffee for me.

I really hated having to fill out safety plans in psych cuz my reason to live was "spite" and they weren't satisfied I didn't write about passions or goals or hobbies or whatever.

I got in an argument with my doctor cuz he asked me what my purpose was. I told him there is no meaning, and trying to find one is what makes me feel suicidal in the first place, so living in spite of a meaningless world that amounts to matter and chance is the only thing I strive for. He told me that I'm "intellectualizing" it and that I have to have a meaning! He suggested helping ppl, cuz I like to do it, even tho helping people gave me an existential crisis cuz I lost myself and if I'm not living for myself what's the point.

Fucking dumbass… I hated him

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Haha , no coffee for me too.
Yes, I had a therapist type similar to your doctor. They are all completely out of touch with reality as far as suicidal people are concerned.
They wouldn't know know the truth about how we really feel if it bit them on the ass.
Fuck them all.
Heres a copy of Nausea, if you haven't got one already.
Enjoy !

 

[Don’tDoxMe]

I'm mainly scared of reincarnating into a worse situation.

 

[Orbitc]

We all end up in the ground eventually and everything you work for, you can't take with you.

Basically to me it feels like we're passing time until we pass on and then the next generation can do it again. Everything is temporary. Why are we even here.

life it's meaningless. It has no intrinsic value. We're born, we breathe, eat, shit until we die. Afterwards, we all end up in the same hole in the ground.

Some people try to make sense of it through religion. They can not fathom an existence where they don't matter at all, so they explain it with an afterlife where they get to spend eternity in some sort of paradise.

I don't matter. I don't care if I die tomorrow. A century from now I'll definitely be dead, and at that point it won't have made the slightest bit of difference.

Nothing is permanent. WE are brought here in this world because our parents fucked. We are born, we grow up, we grow old, we die.

I don't believe in any religion or God etc. And everything feels so meaningless. I don't want to do anything; every day is like a torture. I don't even want to eat, sleep or drink. I feel like I am the most useless person in the whole world, and I will not do anything for future generations. I will die one day, everything will be gone for me etc. I feel like I am in a deathtrap and ı cannot get out of.

life is so boring, pointless, and meaningless. I resent my parents for giving birth to me.

I exist only to be used for work. I get nothing out of this existence. This is bullshit.

I'm curious to know others reasons for continuing life after facing the reality that is our meaningless existence. I know for some, they just don't have enough in them to off themselves, and others just find life itself entertaining whether or not it has meaning… I'm curious to know everyone else's reasons for continuing their existence.

I'm still here only because I'm so cowardly - I'm afraid that this will be an unsuccessful attempt and I'll harm my health. If I were 100% sure that I would die, I would do it immediately. Although I have already set the date of my death - on this day I will simply do it despite my fear

I'm mainly scared of reincarnating into a worse situation.

Imagine that you will become a fly larva that will eat a corpse))) the idea of reincarnation is just terrible

 

[wildflowers1996]

For me it's a lot because I can't find a peaceful method, also guilt and fear of hell

but if I could be someone else with a different life, I don't think I'd necessarily want to ctb
if there's no God or afterlife it doesn't mean you can't still have a happy life while you're here - if you are going to spend eternity not existing and you're /capable/ of feeling happiness, while not enjoy yourself while you're here?

if I were able to be happy and have the things I wanted I'd want to live while I had the chance

 

[Orbitc]

Haha , no coffee for me too.
Yes, I had a therapist type similar to your doctor. They are all completely out of touch with reality as far as suicidal people are concerned.
They wouldn't know know the truth about how we really feel if it bit them on the ass.
Fuck them all.
Heres a copy of Nausea, if you haven't got one already.
Enjoy !

Ahaha I tried to start listening to this audiobook 6 or 7 years ago and couldn't finish it - even this book made me forced me feel nausea))) I'm not interested in practically anything and I can't concentrate on anything for a long time. With the exception of information about suicide methods that interest me - I carefully read PPH several times)))

 

[jinx <3]

Finding life entertaining as a reason to live is interesting. For me, I just have some people I love dearly and want to spend as much time around as possible. Even through the hell and pain, there are some good parts, albeit they are scarce.
(Also I have bipolar and the mood stabilizers haven't kicked in yet; mania creates its own reasons to live. the world just gets more fun when you are manic, for better or worse!)
You can't be worthless when you've inspired such valuable discussion, btw <3.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Ahaha I tried to start listening to this audiobook 6 or 7 years ago and couldn't finish it - even this book made me forced me feel nausea))) I'm not interested in practically anything and I can't concentrate on anything for a long time. With the exception of information about suicide methods that interest me - I carefully read PPH several times)))

I'm the same due to chronic depression and anxiety.
I can't concentrate on anything for more than a couple of minutes.
I tried watching a movie yesterday but gave up because I kept having to rewind it because I would soon forget what was happening lol.
I just spend a lot of time on here nowadays or stare at the walls or sleep.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

It is impossible to figure out the meaning to life. People come up with all kinds of reasons but they know deep down inside none of those reasons are real. It is that same impossibility to figure out why I haven't killed myself yet. I can give you lots of reasons, all of them some sort of denial of why I haven't. The reality is that I should have done it already but yet here I am. I haven't figured out how to deal with life and I haven't figured out how to deal with death. So, I'm stuck living because it is the default mode. No action required. Frozen with indecision.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I certainly see it as always preferable to not exist regardless of the circumstances, I don't see any value to this pointless and futile process of just slowly dying, existence is a terrible curse that leads to nothing but suffering and decay.

But obviously leaving this existence isn't as straightforward as just choosing to be gone, we exist in this hellish anti-suicide society where suicide is purposely made as difficult as possible for people.

I bet if suicide was as easy as just choosing to fall into an peaceful, dreamless sleep so many people would choose to free themselves from this existence they were unfortunate enough to be burdened with.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

If I can help even one person avoid suffering similar to mine, I will do it, even if it means I have to keep on living. Is life intrinsically meaningless? Sure, but some people want to live, so I will help them on my own expense.

 

[Cloud Busting]

Haha , no coffee for me too.

I'm back to drinking coffee for now. I can always ctb later if coffee ends up not being worth it. That ctb is irreversible is another thing holding me back.

Yes, I had a therapist type similar to your doctor. They are all completely out of touch with reality as far as suicidal people are concerned.
They wouldn't know know the truth about how we really feel if it bit them on the ass.
Fuck them all.

I'm sorry you've had a similar experience.

I'd be careful not to generalize therapists however. It's understandable you would, considering how many shitty mental health care providers exist. I find too many force their expectations of how one should recover, or how one should feel, or what one should aspire to onto people. I think it's because people cannot really fathom struggling with mental health. They find it disturbing and sad, so they want to fix you with a bandaid solution instead of actually explore why you're suicidal or whatever.

I'm lucky. My therapist wants to help me find solutions that actually work for me. He actually explores the way I think and feel instead of shaming me down for thinking irrationally or morbidly. He offers realism instead of toxic positivity. I knew he was the right therapist for me when he told me he wants to hear why I'm suicidal. That almost never happens in my experience. He's not trying to force anything onto me; just trying to help me solve my problems pragmatically. He doesn't care what the solution is as long as it sticks.

Finding a good therapist is an often expensive, tedious, and time consuming ordeal however. Your skepticism makes sense. I've had more worthless therapists than good ones, and rarely do I find one who clicks on the first try.

Thank you for the copy of nausea! I appreciate it.

Also I relate so much to what you say about not being able to enjoy movies and stuff anymore because of depression. I mostly lie in bed and browse the internet. I did have a spark for a bit where I was gaining interest in writing, exercising, and reading, but I lost it again. However it did come back, so I have hope I can regain it once more.

I think lack of interest and the inability to focus on stuff is an underestimated facet of depression. I hate when people say, "go for a walk! Watch a funny show!" That's hard to do when you're depressed, and it really makes you wanna ctb cuz if you can't enjoy life what's the point?

I used to enjoy life so much. That's been lost. Pray I recapture it.

 

[sanction]

If I had to pin point to the exact reason, it is simply because moving forward with CTB is a bit overwhelming. For example, I've decided I will choose drowning as my method. But for me to actually go to some lake or river at 3am, sneak in, and have my lungs feel like they're exploding for a few minutes, as I slowly sink away into the deep and dark waters alone, just makes me a bit scared, so naturally I'm procrastinating and delaying it year after year

In the end, after weighing all pros and cons, with all the endless crazy effort and headache it takes to live (survive) through this life is simply not worth it. Its basically 90% shit, and only 10% pleasure, therefore not rewarding at all

I'm definitely not sticking around because of some special purpose or reason. Its simply because CTB is overwhelming, and also scared if I fuck it up I'll even have permanent brain damage

I'm constantly trying to remind myself CTB is totally worth it, and a wise choice. Because if you compare it, CTB is only a few short minutes of pain, versus continuing to stick around, and instead experience DECADES of pain

If I had a loving family, or something similar, it would make life's journey a bit more bearable. However, I don't have that luxury, so everyday just feels like a cold, cruel, empty existence, where its all about survival, working non-stop to pay bills, as I slowly rot away in the background as an invisible person in society, just working myself to the grave. There is no soul. Its truly a torture

 

[Resinn66]

Maybe we are alone in this universe and if it is true then life is a horrible mistake from nature

 

[Iamtired]

I've been thoroughly entertained enough, it's the SI, as you mentioned. Nothing more, I'm not religious and because of Various health issues, I've still asked l, begged, for help from God" or whatever, but nothing. . I'd get rid of all of this if I had Nembutal.

 

[Unending]

I'm stuck here for my parents but I can't stand it. I wish it would end soon. Everyday is torture. I've tried to have a good attitude but it gets me nowhere.
I despise it all. There's really no word for how extreme the wish to die is for me. I'm just waiting and waiting for the day. I have years to go unless I end up not caring anymore in the future. Everyone has a breaking point.