Why do we only matter once we are gone?

[CowsAreCool]

I moved away from home. I don't talk with any of my high school/college friends anymore. I haven't made new friends in forever, partly because of Covid. I don't even have anything in common with people.

I deleted my social media. Why watch other peoples lives from a distance? I don't like modern college culture. Drinking and carelessness. I live in isolation, not by choice.

My parents maybe call me once a month. They end the call after half an hour usually. I'm the less successful son. What do they care? When I decided to move thousands of miles away, they didn't protest. I need to be independent, right? I brought up how I was conflicted about returning home for the summer, or remaining here. They responded "well let me know what you decide". They are indifferent to having me around.

I spend my days sitting alone and reading. Reading the news and being angry about what I'm told to be angry about. Watching TV. Wishing I didn't exist. I have nobody. I work, and study, and sleep, and repeat.

Yet if I die? I know my parents wouldn't recover. They'd let it manifest them, and remember the happy times when I was younger and lived with them. Friends who haven't spoken to me in years would probably be upset, and pretend like we were close. Everyone would suddenly care, and I would be the selfish bad guy who instilled all this grief on my "loved ones". My siblings would be upset. They don't even return my text messages right now.

Why? Why do I only matter if I'm dead? Nobody wants anything to do with me now. I'm in the background of the world, observing. I'm not able to be a part of it, but I can't leave it either?

It's like how people want things they can't have. They hate permenance. They pretend to care about you, but while you're living you're just you. Once you're dead, you become this romanticized version of yourself. You were a great person and nobody saw it coming. It's designed to worsen grief.

It's all BS. I'm gone now. If I'm gone forever, what changed? When were people going to start caring again?

 

[HappyForever?]

People take what they have for granted far too easily. Only when they lose something will they realize its value.

 

[Darkover]

Thats just the way it is

 

[whatevs]

Do they actually treat like that or your perception is warped negatively? Your siblings don't respond to your messages?

Also, one thing regarding ex-friends etc. In my case I pushed them away because I couldn't cope with being chronically ill and them not understanding it, but it was me that severed the connection ultimately. I don't know about your situation but it sounds like to some extent you also self-marginalized.

I saw your contrarían thread regarding Ukraine. It was your thread, no? Or you agreed with it. I'm also like that and it's part of why I ended up alone. I can't renounce my honest, antisocial opinions but this type of personality doesn't make socializing easy.

This is all a long winded way of trying to come across that in all tragic situations there are at least two sides to the story. If you feel like people don't care about you, there must be something you do that caused that. They likely felt like YOU didn't care about them, or something like that. I doubt that it is because you are a loser etc, some unsuccessful people are cherished because of their personality.

With this I'm just trying to share my attempts at seeing things more clearly. I stand by my beliefs and my values and despise those of the society around me, but I see how this played a part in making integration impossible, and I see the mistakes I made lacking the emotional intelligence to maintain friendships or sexual relationships.

You say you detest college culture and it's true, you're "better" than that, or you don't "connect" with that. But at the end of the day that means that you are isolated and all the NPCs feel belonging and community. So IDK, being different in this way in which you dislike the consensus or mainstream just seems to be a curse.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that many people only care about what directly affects themselves, many people are very selfish. The way I see it, it does not matter to me how others react after I am gone as I will not be there to see it. Our lives do not matter at all, we will all be forgotten eventually. We are so insignificant. Things may seem important to us right now but all our problems will die with us. Life is very pointless after all.

 

[CowsAreCool]

Do they actually treat like that or your perception is warped negatively? Your siblings don't respond to your messages?

Also, one thing regarding ex-friends etc. In my case I pushed them away because I couldn't cope with being chronically ill and them not understanding it, but it was me that severed the connection ultimately. I don't know about your situation but it sounds like to some extent you also self-marginalized.

I saw your contrarían thread regarding Ukraine. It was your thread, no? Or you agreed with it. I'm also like that and it's part of why I ended up alone. I can't renounce my honest, antisocial opinions but this type of personality doesn't make socializing easy.

This is all a long winded way of trying to come across that in all tragic situations there are at least two sides to the story. If you feel like people don't care about you, there must be something you do that caused that. They likely felt like YOU didn't care about them, or something like that. I doubt that it is because you are a loser etc, some unsuccessful people are cherished because of their personality.

With this I'm just trying to share my attempts at seeing things more clearly. I stand by my beliefs and my values and despise those of the society around me, but I see how this played a part in making integration impossible, and I see the mistakes I made lacking the emotional intelligence to maintain friendships or sexual relationships.

You say you detest college culture and it's true, you're "better" than that, or you don't "connect" with that. But at the end of the day that means that you are isolated and all the NPCs feel belonging and community. So IDK, being different in this way in which you dislike the consensus or mainstream just seems to be a curse.

I agree that my Ukrainian thread was callous. Or at least was worded to be inflammatory. I've had some reflection, and I know I've worded my feelings the wrong way. I care about the death and suffering. It just makes me anxious, and that caused me to take an extremely contrarian opinion.

I do detest college culture. Partially because I don't feel I fit into it. I don't really believe I am better than those that find fulfillment that way. I'm sorry if I came across as arrogant. I just don't find value in that kind of recreation. I like to have philosophical discussions, and bond over athletics and academics. I harbor subconscious resentment towards those who "party" and have a good time, because I'm not that type of person. They're happy, and I'm not.

Either way if I've done something to make people not want me as a part of their life, I accept it. I just wish I could leave without guilt and harm. I really do try to be a good person. It's harder than most people think.

And my perception probably is negatively warped. Hence why I'm on this site. I just wish I knew how to fix it.

But thank you for your honest feedback. It helps me figure out how I perceive the world, and how I'm perceived by others.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

Why?

cause they wouldn't have any responsability of treating you well, talking to you and pleasing you.
you would be dead, there's no pleasing the dead.

plus they don't necessarily care about you just because they're thinking of you.
their disconfort may be more related to their own insecurities about death, something they do not want to face, as death may be the greatest taboo of our time - and then they project these issues onto your death. they're fighting with their unconscious. it may appear that they are looking at you, but they're actually looking at themselves. it may appear that they're thinking about you, but they're actually just thinking about themselves.

 

[solisoccasus]

I think this is the greates conflict of the society. They ignore the signs and when the person is gone they become a crowd that thinks they care but honestly, they're just all to fucked up. They feel guilt.