Venting Why do we only hear good people stories ?

[fatpigiee]

I searched everywhere. All the suicide stories are about good people in bad situations. What if there's a bad person in a good situation?
What if I wanted to kill myself because *I* am the terrible person, not the world?will it be better if iam gone?Is suicide the right thing to do in these cases?
I have everything, but I'm bad at everything, and only getting worse and worse.
Am I the only one this awful, or do bad people like me really not deserve to live?no hope?
How can I strive to change if I think about death every day, every hour and all the time
I am tired of myself
I want to change my parents do deserve better
But i can't I'm so so tired
I wish I could give my circumstances to someone who truly deserves them.
I wish I could give my body to someone who needs it.
I wish i could give all the food i eat to someone who needs it
I have a house, a bed, food, and parents, and I don't even go to school. I'm spoiled and rotten
Suicide would be a waste of everything I have, but the longer I live, the more my family suffers, the more I disappoint them. I get worse every day.i don't know what to do.
I could search through my life and past for the bad things that happened to me and say them, but it seems that only good people can be victims?
I don't even need to think to see how awful I am as a person.
I wish bad people would share their stories too, not just those who have got better, but anyone.
Everyone says, "I was depressed and it was awful," but what about "I was rude, mean, lazy, violent, and I was awful"?
I feel so alone
I feel like the worst person in the world
Does this mean I truly don't deserve to live? How can I die without being even more harmful?

 

[kunikuzushi]

I was just thinking this today. I am objectively a bad person. I can't feel empathy and feel pleasure from hurting people. I am horrible to people who come close to me and still demand to be given everything. I'm disgusting. I don't deserve anything good, but that makes life unbearable. I wish to die, but it will cause more harm to people.

I don't know if this is the kind of story you're looking for, but I just wanted to say I relate to what you feel and I'm sorry you feel so alone.

 

[sanctionedusage]

most people really dont care if bad people take themselves out. and a truly disgusting person is pretty hard to come by because they'd never actually disclose the objectively irredeemable parts of themselves. do you like harming kids, crushing animals, raping people, or abusing elders? these are really the only actually 100% unjustifiable and depraved acts in any and all circumstances. being a jackass, gaslighter, cheater, scammer, a racist/bigot, etc. are all 'meh' in comparison. and if you're a 'meh' person, then anyone can easily frame you as just another victim that's too hard on themselves. even if you shared your own story right now, i'm sure there'd be a minimum 10% that'd be thinking the same thing you are right now, a good person in a bad situation.

 

[fatpigiee]

most people really dont care if bad people take themselves out. and a truly disgusting person is pretty hard to come by because they'd never actually disclose the objectively irredeemable parts of themselves. do you like harming kids, crushing animals, raping people, or abusing elders? these are really the only actually 100% unjustifiable and depraved acts in any and all circumstances. being a jackass, gaslighter, cheater, scammer, a racist/bigot, etc. are all 'meh' in comparison. and if you're a 'meh' person, then anyone can easily frame you as just another victim that's too hard on themselves. even if you shared your own story right now, i'm sure there'd be a minimum 10% that'd be thinking the same thing you are right now, a good person in a bad situation.

What if I'm not sure if iam a truly disgusting person?
I get homicidal/violent thoughts and urges sometimes ,i didn't do anything yet ,but I don't trust my self and i can get very violent sometimes .I'm isolating myself from the world and I'm not sure how I'll be around people.
I almost tried to kill my sister once when I was a child.
I sometimes hurt my family in my anger moments, my parents are quite old and my sister is young, both physically and emotionally, I yell at them and sometimes I hit them... I don't respect them enough and I'm not generally kind, even though my parents are old and tired.
I do have disgusting violent thoughts, even though I don't watch any horror or gore movies and I avoid real-life crimes for that very reason. Its just from my mind alone.
My thoughts are truly conflicted. I'm not sure how I feel most of the time, and when these thoughts come to me, I don't think logically or have my own logic that I'm convinced of at the time. I think i might seriously harm someone in the future.

Iam really not sure?am I?

Apart from that, I'm generally a bad person and I don't do anything right.

I didn't yet but what if?

 

[sanctionedusage]

What if I'm not sure if iam a truly disgusting person?
I get homicidal/violent thoughts and urges sometimes ,i didn't do anything yet ,but I don't trust my self and i can get very violent sometimes .I'm isolating myself from the world and I'm not sure how I'll be around people.

well first, any urges, thoughts, or emotions are 100% involuntary and irrelevant to someone's morality. the only thing that dictates who you are are your actions and final resolutions, and even those are pretty nuanced if you're...

I almost tried to kill my sister once when I was a child.

...not a teen or adult. would you like to kill kids now? (rhetorical)

that said,

I sometimes hurt my family in my anger moments, my parents are quite old and my sister is young, both physically and emotionally, I yell at them and sometimes I hit them... I don't respect them enough and I'm not generally kind, even though my parents are old and tired.

i think youre able to decide for yourself if you fit the bill for someone who's committed irredeemable acts. though with full context (especially the extent of power dynamics that's pretty central to the examples i gave before, not just the technical ages of people affected by your actions) and details i'm not gonna ask of you, im still sure that minimum 10% would see you as someone who just has an unfortunate mental illness, given the remorse+shame and the lack of self pity, even in a vent. i'm not saying any of this to coddle you nor convince you or myself that you're secretly a good person. obviously you could pathologize even the most vile scumbags on the face of the earth, and it still wouldn't mean anything because of point A. im just saying that there will likely never be another person's story that is all 3 in your eyes: relatable, soothing, and realistic. external comfort just doesn't come for people who aren't perfect victims— and most of the time, it's the victims themselves or their bereaved family who know that & actively push that image of them to garner the empathy and support they're looking for.

you sound a bit like you wish your suicide was the kind you'd be rightfully coaxed out of beforehand. if you seriously feel backed into it only as a last resort to not hurt your loved ones or others, i'm just gonna put it out there that living with minimal or no societal contact (either low-social lifestyle or completely off the grid) is a completely respectable option that'd save your family from the grief and your behavior. and you wouldn't have to kill yourself (if you really don't actually want to) just to save the world from yourself.

anyway,