Why do some people find pleasure in hurting or even agonizing weaker people/beings?

[noname223]

So I am back from my forum break. The New Years's party was cool.

The question seems to be interesting. Many people agonized me during my life. Often I was vulnerable or weaker and the game for the other people was easy. Though I think the intentions of these people were different.

I start chronologically. My mom started to physically abuse me when I was 5. Sometimes she really acted like a psychopath though she clearly is non. I think her motive was to prepare me for the cruel world. I think everyone with 2 brain cells can tell it does not work like that. It was rather the start to make my consciousness a torturing machine. Her grandparents abused her I think. I am not sure about the details though. I am not sure whether she mirrored their behavior. Honestly I think most people would become mental wrecks after the things she done to me. It is really a perfect guide to ruin someone's life. Having no person to trust as a child can be devastating. The arbitrary violence is also predictably horrendous for the mental development of a children. In another thread I might do in the future I try to analyze which part of the abuse was the worst. My short summary. The physical pain was not that bad. Rather the fact that the person you have the closest relationship to abuses you in a disgusting matter on a daily basis. She hit me for crying for example. I cried because of the abuse. She once hit me because I expressed suicidal thoughts etc. The whole sick show. If I was her I think I would seriously consider to kill myself because of the guilt. She is way different.
So the intentions of my mom. I am not sure. Can one really say the intentions were good? I think a part of her liked to discipline me. I was an innocent child. I was often quiet and often did nothing wrong. Her treatment though was like I would steal everyday and killed our cat. I never did that. My mom though sometimes kicked our cat (and me).

I try to stay in chronological order. My sister also often treated me like shit. Here comes the part that is my main answer to the question of the title. She hurt me because she was bullied in school. It was her way to cope with that. And it feels like a bullying cycle. I will later elaborate on it more explicitly. She called me fat, stupid, mocked me etc. In a recent thread I explained that the current relationship goes into another direction. As a kid I always wanted to spend time with her. But she showed me often nothing more than hatred. Nowadays she wants contact with me. I am rather not that much interested. I am not sure whether it is because I am resentful. I think the main point is my close friends are far far better people than her. And I want to spend my freetime with them. She is often not empathetic and hurt me in the recent past. Unintentionally but I am stll annoyed.

So now come my bullies from school. I still have nightmares about them on a regular basis. There were so many. I had huge issues and I was an easy target. Something that made me incredibly sad was the following. Some intellectuals said. Don't say to your kids be peaceful and a good person in school. You should train them to defend themselves. And I asked myself whether it was my fault that I was bullied so much. I think the rational answer is probably not. My mom fattend me in a horrible way. Being obese in school makes you a very easy target. The domestic violence of my mom caused OCD behavior which again made me an easy target. The weird fat guy one can treat like trash. I think on a rational level I had no chance. So many people bullied me. It was quite systematically. It haunts me till today. Reasons were probably peer pressure. Or the bullying cycle I mentioned. I have a theory on the bullying cycle. People who are too friendly and cannot cope by bullying other people end in forums like this one and kill themselves later in their life. An example for that would be Amanda Todd. I think her case is heartbreaking. And it is clear that there are cases like her all around the world on a daily basis. However I have to say my theory to the bullying cycle is simplified. I think I sometimes bullied other people too. Though on a very low scale and it rather were revenge attempts. I was not good at that. But I can clearly remember one time I betrayed someone because I was scared to become bullied in case I defended him. So anxiety of becoming the next victim is probably one reason.

I think the bullying kind of traumatized me. It still hurts a lot. My whole illness is shaped by this trauma. (combined with the child abuse of my mom)
I think the reactions to it is probably individual. Some want revenge, some wish bad on the bullies etc. I think I rather want to forget. I don't want any apology. I am "living" in a living hell. No fucking apology no matter how sincere it would be could heal the damage. I would not mind if the worst bullies would also be imprisonned in a similar state. Though I think the most healthy aim is to move on. I really try to forget my whole childhood. Some family members wanted to remind me of my "beautiful" childhood this christmas. I try not be too angry because they are all ignorant morons who already did way worse things. So I can't expect much. I think most abusers can move on being ignorant assholes with blood on their hands and fade out their guilt.

Possible reasons for the bullying: Maybe some parents abused their children and they started bullying others. It is something I often read not sure how widespread it is. I know that of one bully that this is true. The others were from very affluent people. Maybe it was hubris and arrogance. Joy in torturing others. I don't know. I cannot really say whether they were sociopaths or psychopaths. So retrospective remote diagnosis of a layman are probably not trustworthy. I am not sure whether it was pathological. I rather doubt it. I think the real number of socio/psychopaths is pretty low but I have read different opinions. I rather think they were rude, evil and bullies because they found it funny and enjoyable. They were assholes but not pathological.



So this was my analysis of my abusers/bullies. One could also discuss why in past centuries public torture was an event for most people. Schadenfreude probably was one reason for that. Brecause it is entertaining and thrilling. Suffering people evoke often attention. This is why gore is so popular on the internet. (at least one reason). Maybe one could add voyeurism as a passive observer who does not interfere.

So holy shit. A long ass thread. But I think this is a topic many people here have sadly experience with. What is your opinion?

 

[Himalayan]

Everyone deals whit shit differently. Some take theirs on others.
I dont think its more complex than this, its not because they went through great trauma or not. Its just what they do.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

Because it is all a cycle. We do live in a dog eat dog world, and those above will always prey on those below. To deflect from themselves. To cope with the times they've been in the spotlight. It's how it always has been, and how it always will be.

I remember, before I was blind, I went to Omnia once. This was before the borders were closed, when you still let people travel. And in your Citadel I saw a crowd stoning a man to death in a pit. Ever seen that?'
'It has to be done,' Brutha mumbled. 'So the soul can be shriven and -'
'Don't know about the soul. Never been that kind of a philosopher,' said Didactylos. 'All I know is, it was a horrible sight.'
'The state of the body is not -'
'Oh, I'm not talking about the poor bugger in the pit,' said the philosopher. 'I'm talking about the people throwing the stones. They were sure all right. They were sure it wasn't them in the pit. You could see it in their faces. So glad it wasn't them that they were throwing just as hard as they could.

Terry Pratchett, Small Gods (Discworld, #13)

 

[Lost Magic]

People usually hurt other people to make themselves feel better about themselves. They gain the illusion they are better than they are. Sometimes it stems from deeply troubled childhoods. It's sad when people end up like this and even sadder for the people they abuse.

 

[Jarni]

One of the reasons : Because they want the others feel the pain that they feel themselves, but they can't transfer this pain directly to others. It is a way to do it. They don't want the others be happy.

 

[lionetta12]

So I am back from my forum break. The New Years's party was cool.

The question seems to be interesting. Many people agonized me during my life. Often I was vulnerable or weaker and the game for the other people was easy. Though I think the intentions of these people were different.

I start chronologically. My mom started to physically abuse me when I was 5. Sometimes she really acted like a psychopath though she clearly is non. I think her motive was to prepare me for the cruel world. I think everyone with 2 brain cells can tell it does not work like that. It was rather the start to make my consciousness a torturing machine. Her grandparents abused her I think. I am not sure about the details though. I am not sure whether she mirrored their behavior. Honestly I think most people would become mental wrecks after the things she done to me. It is really a perfect guide to ruin someone's life. Having no person to trust as a child can be devastating. The arbitrary violence is also predictably horrendous for the mental development of a children. In another thread I might do in the future I try to analyze which part of the abuse was the worst. My short summary. The physical pain was not that bad. Rather the fact that the person you have the closest relationship to abuses you in a disgusting matter on a daily basis. She hit me for crying for example. I cried because of the abuse. She once hit me because I expressed suicidal thoughts etc. The whole sick show. If I was her I think I would seriously consider to kill myself because of the guilt. She is way different.
So the intentions of my mom. I am not sure. Can one really say the intentions were good? I think a part of her liked to discipline me. I was an innocent child. I was often quiet and often did nothing wrong. Her treatment though was like I would steal everyday and killed our cat. I never did that. My mom though sometimes kicked our cat (and me).

I try to stay in chronological order. My sister also often treated me like shit. Here comes the part that is my main answer to the question of the title. She hurt me because she was bullied in school. It was her way to cope with that. And it feels like a bullying cycle. I will later elaborate on it more explicitly. She called me fat, stupid, mocked me etc. In a recent thread I explained that the current relationship goes into another direction. As a kid I always wanted to spend time with her. But she showed me often nothing more than hatred. Nowadays she wants contact with me. I am rather not that much interested. I am not sure whether it is because I am resentful. I think the main point is my close friends are far far better people than her. And I want to spend my freetime with them. She is often not empathetic and hurt me in the recent past. Unintentionally but I am stll annoyed.

So now come my bullies from school. I still have nightmares about them on a regular basis. There were so many. I had huge issues and I was an easy target. Something that made me incredibly sad was the following. Some intellectuals said. Don't say to your kids be peaceful and a good person in school. You should train them to defend themselves. And I asked myself whether it was my fault that I was bullied so much. I think the rational answer is probably not. My mom fattend me in a horrible way. Being obese in school makes you a very easy target. The domestic violence of my mom caused OCD behavior which again made me an easy target. The weird fat guy one can treat like trash. I think on a rational level I had no chance. So many people bullied me. It was quite systematically. It haunts me till today. Reasons were probably peer pressure. Or the bullying cycle I mentioned. I have a theory on the bullying cycle. People who are too friendly and cannot cope by bullying other people end in forums like this one and kill themselves later in their life. An example for that would be Amanda Todd. I think her case is heartbreaking. And it is clear that there are cases like her all around the world on a daily basis. However I have to say my theory to the bullying cycle is simplified. I think I sometimes bullied other people too. Though on a very low scale and it rather were revenge attempts. I was not good at that. But I can clearly remember one time I betrayed someone because I was scared to become bullied in case I defended him. So anxiety of becoming the next victim is probably one reason.

I think the bullying kind of traumatized me. It still hurts a lot. My whole illness is shaped by this trauma. (combined with the child abuse of my mom)
I think the reactions to it is probably individual. Some want revenge, some wish bad on the bullies etc. I think I rather want to forget. I don't want any apology. I am "living" in a living hell. No fucking apology no matter how sincere it would be could heal the damage. I would not mind if the worst bullies would also be imprisonned in a similar state. Though I think the most healthy aim is to move on. I really try to forget my whole childhood. Some family members wanted to remind me of my "beautiful" childhood this christmas. I try not be too angry because they are all ignorant morons who already did way worse things. So I can't expect much. I think most abusers can move on being ignorant assholes with blood on their hands and fade out their guilt.

Possible reasons for the bullying: Maybe some parents abused their children and they started bullying others. It is something I often read not sure how widespread it is. I know that of one bully that this is true. The others were from very affluent people. Maybe it was hubris and arrogance. Joy in torturing others. I don't know. I cannot really say whether they were sociopaths or psychopaths. So retrospective remote diagnosis of a layman are probably not trustworthy. I am not sure whether it was pathological. I rather doubt it. I think the real number of socio/psychopaths is pretty low but I have read different opinions. I rather think they were rude, evil and bullies because they found it funny and enjoyable. They were assholes but not pathological.



So this was my analysis of my abusers/bullies. One could also discuss why in past centuries public torture was an event for most people. Schadenfreude probably was one reason for that. Brecause it is entertaining and thrilling. Suffering people evoke often attention. This is why gore is so popular on the internet. (at least one reason). Maybe one could add voyeurism as a passive observer who does not interfere.

So holy shit. A long ass thread. But I think this is a topic many people here have sadly experience with. What is your opinion?

They are weak and sick themselves for needing to pick on and bother people who are already below them and struggling. People can be so cruel.

 

[CowsAgainstCapitali]

Sounds like you've got a decent understanding of how the cycle of violence works. Hurt people hurt people. When we are harmed we carry some of that pain and seek to redistribute it. No matter the motivation, it is natural to seek the weakest person we can find, because they can resist your words and actions the least and will suffer the most pain - efficiency. Why do we feel "I have been hurt, so now you will be hurt too." It can even be a misguided attempt to understand your own suffering - by forcing them to share it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Some people do seem to feed off of other people's emotions- especially their negative emotions. I suppose it's a power thing.

Whether that be personal power and entitlement (Narcissists), social and financial power (Sociopaths) or ultimate power (Psychopathic serial killers.) I think all those 'types' seem to enjoy inflicting discomfort and pain on other people.

As to why, I don't entirely know. I think there are theories that it stems from their own childhoods. Still- some seem to come from relatively normal backgrounds. Perhaps it's a mixture of genes and upbringing/life experience.

I suppose we all have 'needs' asides from the basic drive to survive. Those 'needs' are caught up in our own ego's... Some people strive for successful careers- to be educated, successful, well respected and wealthy. Some want families or adventure. I suppose the only difference is- the people who go the murky route will do ANYTHING to fulfill their needs. Even if those 'needs' are criminal and involve hurting others.

They seem to be lacking in empathy towards those suffering but heightened in some reward response from witnissing it- some even get off on it. Maybe they're just wired differently!

 

[hamvil]

Victims of abuse tend to become abusers themselves if they have the opportunity. Must be some form of revenge against life when revenge against the perpetrators cannot be obtained anymore. It applies in general to myself, I was the victim of several cases of abuse during childhood, I managed to succeed in life at least from the professional standpoint but not so much from other aspects (friends, relationships, etc). I have always been aggressive and in trouble controlling my anger and it is getting worse with time especially now that I have lost that pillar of professional success that sustained me so far.