Why do people want a family?

[sserafim]

Most people want to start a family and have one of their own. Why? I don't understand. Having a family sounds so boring. It sounds like pure torture. I would hate to be a suburban housewife or a working mom. I would hate to even be a mother at all

 

[SuicidalOrganism]

because children make you happy hee hee hee

 

[Malaria]

I want to, but I don't plan on actually doing it for many reasons. My reasoning is that I've never experienced a happy healthy family, all I've ever experienced was dysfunctions. I want to give someone else a happy family life. I just know it'll never happen.

 

[sserafim]

because children make you happy hee hee hee

Lol what? Wdym? I hate children. Actually I don't hate them, I just strongly dislike them. They're so annoying

 

[SuicidalOrganism]

Wdym? I hate children. Actually I don't hate them, I just strongly dislike them. They're so annoying

i was being ironic

 

[sserafim]

i was being ironic

Oh okay lol. I heard that normal people get joy out of having children though. It makes them happy. Why?

 

[SuicidalOrganism]

Oh okay lol. I heard that normal people get joy out of having children though. It makes them happy. Why?

social standards

 

[sserafim]

I want to, but I don't plan on actually doing it for many reasons. My reasoning is that I've never experienced a happy healthy family, all I've ever experienced was dysfunctions. I want to give someone else a happy family life. I just know it'll never happen.

Hmm, I'm the same but also the opposite. I've also never experienced a happy, healthy family and all I've ever experienced was dysfunctions, so I never want a family of my own

 

[theboy]

protection

 

[Unicr0n]

Some people find fulfillment in raising a child. Evolution gave us maternal instincts for that. Some women don't have them because they weren't naturally selected for it in the thousands of years we've been Homo sapiens. A lot of people benefit from having family because it means someone will be there hopefully to take care of them when they get older. As more people are living alone, more people are dying alone... That's why I can't wait for androids to become available to the market. I don't want to die alone. That's one of my biggest fears. I don't know why. I won't have any family to die by my side because I can't procreate. I hope an android that I can call family will be there when it's time.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Because, if they didn't, the model of evolution would fail completely. Evolution demands that the species procreates to propagate itself. Any other reasoning is just a human construct. I'm glad that I don't want a family. If I ever do want a family one day, I think it would just have me and a cat. Children are so annoying to deal with and relationships sounds absolutely exhausting to maintain

 

[derpyderpins]

Most people want to start a family and have one of their own. Why? I don't understand. Having a family sounds so boring. It sounds like pure torture. I would hate to be a suburban housewife or a working mom. I would hate to even be a mother at all

Your experience with family makes this view reasonable. To understand why people want a family, you need the first building block of understanding what a positive, trusting relationship can feel like at its best.

It's like the first time you tried milk it was spoiled and sour, and now you see people drinking milk and you think 'wtf'? Your experience with physical abuse from your parents is going to alter your perception. Personal relationships, including family, usually have their ups and downs, but not downs like that, like that sour milk made you sick, and now you have a negative psychological response when you see milk so it's hard for you to give it a fair try.

In general, statistically, people are better off with family. People need human interaction and connection to fully and properly function, and family has a built-in biological connectedness that - in a typical case - makes that connection happen easiest. You can find connectedness elsewhere, however. I'm thinking anecdotally of 3 different lgtb people I've met at different times in my life that were cast out by their biologic family and made their own "family" among unrelated friends.

Again, though, even healthy friends and family relationships will have fights and disagreements. It's a balance of positives and negatives.
You said you're someone who likes to play devil's advocate. To argue both sides of this issue you need to experience that human connection in a positive way, so you can sincerely acknowledge the positive side of the balance.

 

[kilowatt]

To be less lonely? To feel in control? To have something to care about?
I can picture having a family as anything but boring. It's more of a task than you think

 

[sserafim]

Some people find fulfillment in raising a child. Evolution gave us maternal instincts for that. Some women don't have them because they weren't naturally selected for it in the thousands of years we've been Homo sapiens. A lot of people benefit from having family because it means someone will be there hopefully to take care of them when they get older. As more people are living alone, more people are dying alone... That's why I can't wait for androids to become available to the market. I don't want to die alone. That's one of my biggest fears. I don't know why. I won't have any family to die by my side because I can't procreate. I hope an android that I can call family will be there when it's time.

How and why do people find fulfillment in raising a child? What kind of fulfillment is there? Okay, well I don't have any maternal instincts. I guess I wasn't naturally selected for it lol

Because, if they didn't, the model of evolution would fail completely. Evolution demands that the species procreates to propagate itself. Any other reasoning is just a human construct. I'm glad that I don't want a family. If I ever do want a family one day, I think it would just have me and a cat. Children are so annoying to deal with and relationships sounds absolutely exhausting to maintain

Dude same, just me and my cats

Your experience with family makes this view reasonable. To understand why people want a family, you need the first building block of understanding what a positive, trusting relationship can feel like at its best.

It's like the first time you tried milk it was spoiled and sour, and now you see people drinking milk and you think 'wtf'? Your experience with physical abuse from your parents is going to alter your perception. Personal relationships, including family, usually have their ups and downs, but not downs like that, like that sour milk made you sick, and now you have a negative psychological response when you see milk so it's hard for you to give it a fair try.

In general, statistically, people are better off with family. People need human interaction and connection to fully and properly function, and family has a built-in biological connectedness that - in a typical case - makes that connection happen easiest. You can find connectedness elsewhere, however. I'm thinking anecdotally of 3 different lgtb people I've met at different times in my life that were cast out by their biologic family and made their own "family" among unrelated friends.

Again, though, even healthy friends and family relationships will have fights and disagreements. It's a balance of positives and negatives.
You said you're someone who likes to play devil's advocate. To argue both sides of this issue you need to experience that human connection in a positive way, so you can sincerely acknowledge the positive side of the balance.

Even if I had a good experience with family, I still wouldn't want a family of my own. I don't like people. I really see no need for relationships or human connection. I still wouldn't want any relationships. Why do people need human interaction and connection to fully and properly function? I don't see human connection in a positive way; there's nothing positive about it. The only positive thing I can think of is like an exchange of ideas and knowledge, and also to learn new things from other people

 

[Pluto]

Dude same, just me and my cats

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Dude same, just me and my cats

Cats are far, far better than humans

 

[sserafim]

Cats are far, far better than humans

Literally. Cats >>> humans

I can picture having a family as anything but boring. It's more of a task than you think

Wdym? No offense but it sounds boring and tedious to have to birth and raise a kid and be stuck with the same people for the rest of your life in a confined environment (a house). It would make me sad to the core because everyday would be a chore. I would feel trapped and think it's a violation of my freedom. No thanks! It's not for me. I'll just yeet away lol

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

Lol what? Wdym? I hate children. Actually I don't hate them, I just strongly dislike them. They're so annoying

so... you're not the type that gushes over every baby they see? i thought i had to when i was young. society just programs that in people i think. i really don't get the gushers. i've never found a newborn cuter than any other wildlife newborn.

 

[sserafim]

so... you're not the type that gushes over every baby they see? i thought i had to when i was young. society just programs that in people i think. i really don't get the gushers. i've never found a newborn cuter than any other wildlife newborn.

No I'm not. I don't like babies and have no reaction to them. I guess society forgot to program that in me. I see people gushing over babies and I don't understand. It just seems weird to me. I made a thread a while back about it asking why people do that

 

[ijustwishtodie]

so... you're not the type that gushes over every baby they see? i thought i had to when i was young. society just programs that in people i think. i really don't get the gushers. i've never found a newborn cuter than any other wildlife newborn.

I get the gushers for kittens but I don't for babies

 

[latte art]

Maybe it's selfish. I want to do a better job than my parents did, and give my child a better chance than I had, and teach them better. Maybe in a few generations my lineage can hold favourable traits that stay in the gene pool and not wish to die. Got a bit to go before I could trust myself to do a better job than my parents, though.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

I get the gushers for kittens but I don't for babies

i watched hours and hours of videos from start to finish of dogs, deer horses etc giving birth. i'd never want to be in the same room with a human giving birth!

 

[latte art]

Even if I had a good experience with family, I still wouldn't want a family of my own. I don't like people. I really see no need for relationships or human connection. I still wouldn't want any relationships. Why do people need human interaction and connection to fully and properly function? I don't see human connection in a positive way; there's nothing positive about it. The only positive thing I can think of is like an exchange of ideas and knowledge, and also to learn new things from other people.

I personally saw it this way, too. Covid really put this to the test when I was completely isolated and not really active online, and it changed my mind. We are all human, too, despite communicating through a screen. Would you be able to survive without online interaction?

 

[Otaku]

Because it's in our DNA to procreate at some point.
I have felt this, others have felt it, dogs feel it, i think all animals feel it. It's a natural thing. But whether it's the right thing is another thing.

 

[sserafim]

Because it's in our DNA to procreate at some point.
I have felt this, others have felt it, dogs feel it, i think all animals feel it. It's a natural thing. But whether it's the right thing is another thing.

To have sex or children?

I personally saw it this way, too. Covid really put this to the test when I was completely isolated and not really active online, and it changed my mind. We are all human, too, despite communicating through a screen. Would you be able to survive without online interaction?

I'm not sure actually

 

[LXXCH]

I couldn't make a family and have kids of my own, but I do enjoy playing with children and think babies are cute thats it tho

 

[sserafim]

i watched hours and hours of videos from start to finish of dogs, deer horses etc giving birth. i'd never want to be in the same room with a human giving birth!

Giving birth/childbirth itself disgusts me. I also heard that it's super painful. Getting and being pregnant disgust me as well. I would hate to have something living inside of me and feeding off of my energy. That sounds like a parasite

 

[Apathy79]

Agree with you on the not having kids part. Cost me a marriage many moons ago now. It seems like an unbelievably daunting commitment of time and energy for such a miniscule reward, if there is a reward at all. And I don't even have to go through child birth!

 

[sserafim]

I couldn't make a family and have kids of my own, but I do enjoy playing with children and think babies are cute thats it tho

Interesting. I don't enjoy playing with children and I don't think that babies are cute. I guess nature forgot to give me these instincts lol

Maybe it's selfish. I want to do a better job than my parents did, and give my child a better chance than I had, and teach them better. Maybe in a few generations my lineage can hold favourable traits that stay in the gene pool and not wish to die. Got a bit to go before I could trust myself to do a better job than my parents, though.

Hmm interesting. I don't want to do a better job than my parents did; I'm turned off by it entirely. I don't want a family at all due to my negative experiences. I think that even if I hadn't been abused, I still wouldn't want a family though

Agree with you on the not having kids part. Cost me a marriage many moons ago now. It seems like an unbelievably daunting commitment of time and energy for such a miniscule reward, if there is a reward at all. And I don't even have to go through child birth!

I'm sorry to hear that it cost you a marriage. I don't want to get married though. I don't understand why people do. I think that being married would take away my freedom and chain me to another person for life. I've never been interested in romance or relationships. I don't even feel completely human lol.

My dad wants me to eventually get married and have children though, and I hate this so much. I hate how other people try to tell you what to do and try to get you to conform to their standards and meet their expectations. I argued with him about it, saying that I don't want to have a husband or family, and he got *so* mad at me. He shouted "you *will* continue the family line!" I don't know why he was like brimming with rage. I just kept quiet after that. I hate how my parents view me as property and a toy to control rather than an individual with my own agency. It gets on my nerves. They don't even see me as a person, just a tool

 

[Otaku]

To have sex or children?

I'm not sure actually

Sex is not the same as having children, even though some think it goes hand in hand.
We humans are the only species besides dolphins that have it, for others reasons that just "mating"..
Like you for instance. I read you had curiosity.

BUT.. And this come with a big but. It may be in our genes, and i think this become more true the older we get. But it is DEFINITELY not for everyone. I for instance I never wanna have children. I would never put a child into this world. It's horrible.
And i know many people feel like I do, about not wanting to have children.