Volatile
God
- Jun 18, 2018
- 1,286
My problems are worse than average and are permanent. When I have this talk with family, they chime in every time "We've suffered too" as if it's even possible to compare our suffering objectively. It's so maddening
Rocky M
I'm A Monster
- Jun 20, 2018
- 213
They don't want to be outdone. It's selfish and disgusting, really.
Yea my bf gives me the "i was in prison for 10 years for something I didn't do, if anyone should want to kill themselves it should b me!" But to me prison would almost b ideal, no responsibilities, a bed and food. Lol. It's maddening to me too
blueming
if we can stand outside the borders of time
- Sep 21, 2018
- 253
I hate when people say that :( it's actually hurtful. It's like they're invalidating our feelings. Makes me feel like such a bad person for suffering sometimes.
A common mistake many people make when they're trying to "help" they bring up comparisons of their own "suffering" if you're trying to help me, this isn't about you.
If they were suffering as bad as you ask them why they didnt killed themselves. They will be confused by the question, because to most people suffering is working 16 hour shifts some days of the week. Not really worthy of suicide.
People that are not depressed or ill have it easy even if they had bad things happen to them they are all cowards. If we transferred all our problems onto them and they had to go through this shit everyday all day for the rest of their lives it would crush them. They think they could handle it but i guarantee you they would apologise and be empathetic if they felt what we feel. It would completely ruin them i want people to feel my pain to teach them a lesson but that will never happen so fuck all those cowards.
Very true!! I wish there was a way to bottle up the feelings we have so they could see what it's like.
Angst Filled Fuck Up
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2018
- 2,971
I hate this. It's not about invalidating their suffering, but it's just common decency to let someone have their pity party. There's a time and a place for your own set of problems. It would be like me jumping up and down at someone's birthday bash and going "but it's my birthday soon too!"
My dad always does this. Or he says something like "well it just looks like everything's going to shit then, doesn't it?!" like I'm out to ruin his day on purpose. I know it's his way of despairing for me, but it's still annoying as hell. It's because of this kind of thing that I always regret confiding in people. I wish I didn't do it at all, but some part of me invariably caves and wants to talk.
My dad always does this. Or he says something like "well it just looks like everything's going to shit then, doesn't it?!" like I'm out to ruin his day on purpose. I know it's his way of despairing for me, but it's still annoying as hell. It's because of this kind of thing that I always regret confiding in people. I wish I didn't do it at all, but some part of me invariably caves and wants to talk.
ctoan
Arcanist
- Sep 30, 2018
- 437
Volatile
God
- Jun 18, 2018
- 1,286
Possible responses: "We didn't kill ourselves because we aren't quitters." "Because we're not selfish"
ask them about people who commit suicide when being tortured by the enemy for information.
bigj75
“From Knowledge springs power."
- Sep 1, 2018
- 2,540
people often think their own experiences summarize what is happening to others. an example of this is when statistically proven to be high rates of depression and anxiety in universities, there is always someone who thinks that because she has not had depression and have endured all the pressure imposed, anyone who has had depression is "weak ". here they usually use the term "mimimi".
Yeah it drives me mad when people say you're not the only one. Nothing I say or do ever indicates that I think I'm the only person with problems.
Or then there's the other one.. lots of other people have been through the same thing and have come through this. Well let's throw a party for all those people who are so much better at being a human being than me! Not that I'm bitter of course..
Or then there's the other one.. lots of other people have been through the same thing and have come through this. Well let's throw a party for all those people who are so much better at being a human being than me! Not that I'm bitter of course..
Well, it's only a matter of time and context before I bring down their house of self-centered cards and hurt their mind with the unforgettable truth by telling them their life was just a little gray but wait until it gets truly black..
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Volatile
God
- Jun 18, 2018
- 1,286
My sister and I have had pissing contests about who had it worse from Mom.
I don't think it's cowardly if you don't have depression. Some people can go through some rough shit and pull through okay. Don't see that as cowardly.
I'm saying it's cowardly when someone who doesn't have it has the nerve to think they are stronger than you or that that we are weak. I didn't say everyone without depression is cowardly only the ones that kick people when thy are suffering just because they think they are stronger. Also just because someone goes through rough shit and comes out of it fine doesn't mean that they are strong it means they are lucky they didn't become depressed. It doesn't make them tough at all.
It would be so enjoyable for me to see some ignorant asshole feel our pain and then realise how bad it really is.
I can agree with that. The ones who see depression as some sort of silly thing you can just shrug off annoy me, mental health has a stigma sadly.
Disagree with this part. There are some very tough minded people out there who have gone through hell and are making the most of their lives.
Sayo
Not 2B
- Aug 22, 2018
- 520
I disagree with the latter part. Many people become depressed and even suicidal because of their poor working conditions. Worker suicides typically don't get covered, though. But even if it doesn't make them suicidally depressed, it doesn't mean it's not suffering. This is a pointless kind of comparision using the same kind of logic behind 'my experience of pain means you should live through yours'.
More generally...
I think one useful thing that can be obtained from these experiences is that some problems, in similar circumstances, can be shown to be fixable. That doesn't mean that new problems won't come up, or the person will attain the same result, or even that the person shouldn't suicide. But many people who are suicidal are not fully committed to dying until they have tried everything. I also agree that when this is usually said, it's said due to a poor frame of reference or even contempt (e.g. for perceived weakness) rather than a genuine effort to help and empathise.
Most people who haven't been suicidal find it an alien way to think, which is kind of understandable. We are raised with core assumptions about our existence, and our survival instinct provides the rest. If you're busy and your pain is comparatively temporary each time you experience it, you're generally not going to spend time pondering why you should die - it will seem self-evident that dying is bad. The chance of happiness outweighs pain in that calculus.
If you're suicidal, you might even be able to remember thinking that way yourself - and if you can't, then maybe not being suicidal is similarly alien to you. Also, people feel compelled to say or do anything to stop a suicide, even if they otherwise leave the person suffering and in pain, so their responses are often even more poorly thought out than you'd expect.
Nonetheless, it's a really annoying thing to say. It's minimising and silencing.
