NSFW Why do many men value female virgins higher than non-virgin females?

[noname223]

There was a thread how society looks down at male virgins. I think the truth is most people don't give a shit. And people who care about it are mostly men.

A question related to it came to my mind. I once wanted to start a self-help group for people with psychosis. Barely anyone was interested. But I had contact with a weird woman. I noticed many people with psychosis are sort of weird. She called me without a prior message. She had a lot religious delusions and told me Jesus will be really angry at people who don't believe in him when he will come in the end times. And end times will come soon....She talked like a waterfall about religion.


I told her about past dating experiences. And she gave me weird advices. She told me a friend some time ago wanted to marry her because she was a virgin. I think originally her family comes from a different country I assume Turkey. And the person who wanted to marry her also came from a different country. She told me the men don't believe her when she says she is vigin when she is in her end 30s. On the one hand the men become crazy for her when they hear she is virgin but for most of them it is too good to believe it. And they question her virginity.

Tbh all of that sounded surreal. The whole contact with her was kind of surreal.

It is ridiculous. Men who sleep with many women are considered cool players. And women who sleep with many men are called sluts.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I mean it's just basic evolutionary psychology. There's never any doubt as to the identity of the mother--you see her pregnant and watch the baby come out of her--but there is always doubt about the identity of the father. So men prefer women who are virgins because it gives them a higher degree of paternity certainty; if she's a virgin, and you guys have sex, then she gets pregnant, it's pretty much a guarantee that you're the father. And this matters because men are very careful about the offspring they invest in; they don't want to invest their resources into offspring that isn't theirs.

It's obviously no longer relevant in modern times but at the end of the day our brains are the same as the hunter-gatherers that lived 10,000 years ago.

ADDENDUM: obviously there's also a cultural factor, wherein some cultures prize female virginity more than others.

 

[karakoltriste]

Yeah, men always playing the victim

 

[SecretDissociation]

It's a power thing. These types of people want the faux power that comes from taking someone's 'virginity' (a concept tat doesn't even have any scientific leverage).

 

[Hollowman]

Some guys think virgins are tighter. And they don't have to worry about her comparing them to others.

 

[bankai]

The person that you say is a virgin is from Turkey, which is an Islamic country. Islam places a lot of value on virginity.They even have that saying where if you are a devout believer then you will go to heaven and be rewarded with many virgins.I'm not sure about the number.

The West does not value it as much.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I'll talk about my personal point of view: I don't care, honestly. The only thing different between a virgin woman and a non-virgin woman is that they don't have a membrane inside their vagina, and they now have some sexual experience (and maybe trauma if the conditions of their first time were...well, not ideal, let's just say.)

Anything else is cultural and inside our heads. I'd rather have my first time with a non-virgin of either sex because, for women, it hurts less, and for both, they can help me do the right thing when I finally do it.

Otherwise...does it really matter at all, outside of these cultural hiveminds?

 

[Forever Sleep]

A feminist tutor of mine used to say that men want experience- they want to sleep around but, they also want to marry a virgin. I expect all men are different to be fair. If they want a virgin though, I wonder if they are prepared to refrain too.

My parents were both virgins. We're quite a traditional lot. Must be quite daunting on your wedding night, if the wedding was daunting too- not everyone enjoys being the centre of attention.

 

[Buffy]

men prefer women who are virgins because it gives them a higher degree of paternity certainty

Virginity doesn't guarantee paternity, monogamy does.

If this were really about biology, we'd see the same obsession across all cultures and times but we don't. That tells you it's not a universal instinct and definitely not "basic evolutionary psychology".

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

If we go the "We still have animal instincts" route, it's more likely virgins are more fertile and as such able to foster more children? Keep in mind, that means women strictly procreate and raise young, which is biasing towards the animal instincts. We, as humans, have the capability to go beyond that, and we should, honestly. Otherwise, we are just aggrandized animals.

 

[CatLvr]

Some guys think virgins are tighter. And they don't have to worry about her comparing them to others.

This tickles me to death every time I see/hear it. Do you guys have any idea how many times a girl was "a virgin" back in the day?? (The "day" I refer to was mid-70s to early 80s. Not quite prehistoric times, but damned close. )

First (and only time) was late high school. And her BF probably was also. Which means, for the most part, the sex was miserable. Remember, back then all we had in the way of "sex ed" was Sunday, Encyclopedia Britannica (only slightly better than Sunday School but at least the editors didn't try to scare us to death with tales of fire and brimstone in the rowboat to Hell) and Mom and Dad and their "the talk" (Sunday school was only slightly less scary ).

Second time was in college. Of course, if you went to junior college and then moved up to university, that bought you a "pass" and you could "do it" TWICE in 4 years instead of just once. And if you were REALLY resourceful (and not yet acquired your MRS degree by then) you could move out-of-state to do your post-graduate work.

I did have a guy tell me once that he really liked me but I was not the kind of girl he could take home to his parents. I told him that was okay -- I don't like to sleep with more than one person at a time. Took him a second but when he finally got it he said well THAT'S not very nice. Told him that maybe true but even sluts and cunts have standards. I have never seen ANYONE clutch their pearls SO hard. Next time he wanted to come over for "entertainment" -- we were both in our early 20s -- I was "busy". He got mad. Oh well ...

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

This tickles me to death every time I see/hear it. Do you guys have any idea how many times a girl was "a virgin" back in the day?? (The "day" I refer to was mid-70s to early 80s. Not quite prehistoric times, but damned close. )

First (and only time) was late high school. And her BF probably was also. Which means, for the most part, the sex was miserable. Remember, back then all we had in the way of "sex ed" was Sunday, Encyclopedia Britannica (only slightly better than Sunday School but at least the editors didn't try to scare us to death with tales of fire and brimstone in the rowboat to Hell) and Mom and Dad and their "the talk" (Sunday school was only slightly less scary ).

Second time was in college. Of course, if you went to junior college and then moved up to university, that bought you a "pass" and you could "do it" TWICE in 4 years instead of just once. And if you were REALLY resourceful (and not yet acquired your MRS degree by then) you could move out-of-state to do your post-graduate work.

I did have a guy tell me once that he really liked me but I was not the kind of girl he could take home to his parents. I told him that was okay -- I don't like to sleep with more than one person at a time. Took him a second but when he finally got it he said well THAT'S not very nice. Told him that maybe true but even sluts and cunts have standards. I have never seen ANYONE clutch their pearls SO hard. Next time he wanted to come over for "entertainment" -- we were both in our early 20s -- I was "busy". He got mad. Oh well ...

It's honestly a standard bordering on fantasy/fetish. I really don't get all the fuzz. Just...you know, have a good time consensually with a person that wants the same. Does it need to be more complicated than it already is?

 

[22yearsbroken]

Im sorry but If you even feel like you have to ask that then, WOW, .. a true man or any person to be honest ... that holds any honour and morals should and will never consider even asking that question in the first place... let alone in there direction of others ....despite where you thunk you maybe talking ...
And yea we all have the right to our own opionions .. at least have respect ...

 

[Interdegenerate]

I assume it's in the same vein of introducing someone to a movie or album you love, and they've already watched/listened to it. That typically results in disappointment. I don't think it's anymore complicated than that.

Of course, it's ridiculous to ridicule a non-virgin woman for being a non-virgin. There's definitely a dual double standard among the normies of society: women are shamed for being sexually active, while men are shamed for the opposite.

 

[quietwoods]

Maybe this is something that's more common in online communities/certain cultures, but as a dude in the U.S. idgaf and I've never met a single other dude who's expressed a preference for virgins that wasn't a total weirdo. Even then I can only think of like one or maybe two dudes.

If anything guys have always expressed preferences the other way, as more experienced women are more fun in bed.

 

[psp3000]

I've never met a single other dude who's expressed a preference for virgins that wasn't a total weirdo.

I was just about to comment this

it's either some weird/fetish thing or the whole madonna-whore (edit: I don't know much about it or have done much research but I think it's related in some way) thing I used to hear about

 

[Grog]

I think for most men, they don't necessarily value virginity as much as they value being with someone who hasn't had sex with a lot of people. I think some men don't like getting into relationships with women who have had a lot of sex and/or already have multiple children because, to some men, they see your past life experience and think that you probably don't have good judgement.

 

[FoxSauce]

Idk I think maybe could be a power dynamic or being the first guy to "have her". Maybe if she screws other guys it makes like used goods?

I personally think is utterly idiotic, does it really matter? Ik not all guys care bout this sentiment but some that do then is not ok.

Ofc again ik not all men care about this.

 

[vitbar]

I don't personally see the appeal. Better to be with someone who knows what they like, and has both confidence and experience. There is even a sense of extra pressure because you are her first.

 

[WakingNightmare]

Personally I would be single rather than with a non virgin, I find the idea of my partner having sex with someone else disgusting. A bit irrational but that's just how my brain works I suppose.
I don't judge though as it's stupid to expect people to think like I do