Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
Apr 17, 2023
3,279
It doesn't make sense.
 
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Dayrain

Arcanist
Feb 3, 2023
444
Just an overlapping of events. That's very common.
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
9,798
Because very few people enjoy pain. You don't want to be in immediate pain- who would? So- it makes sense to want to recover from feeling ill. But it's maybe partly the fear of pain that puts you off CTB- potentially a greater amount of pain and possibly a VERY painful future if the attempt fails.
 
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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
Apr 17, 2023
3,279
Because very few people enjoy pain. You don't want to be in immediate pain- who would? So- it makes sense to want to recover from feeling ill. But it's maybe partly the fear of pain that puts you off CTB- potentially a greater amount of pain and possibly a VERY painful future if the attempt fails.
And I suddenly don't want to die when a potentially serious health problem arises. But then I look at my life and don't see why i would want to live. I don't really enjoy much. I don't really like being around people. The world is run by stupid people and their decisions affect me. I should want to die unwaveringly.
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
9,798
And I suddenly don't want to die when a potentially serious health problem arises. But then I look at my life and don't see why i would want to live. I don't really enjoy much. I don't really like being around people. The world is run by stupid people and their decisions affect me. I should want to die unwaveringly.

Yeah- I do actually relate to this. I had gallstones a few years back and finally had my gall bladder removed. It was the first operation I'd had. Not like it was high risk or anything but of course- it is possible for things to go wrong. My parents were with me- bless them and I almost got tearful saying goodbye to my Dad before I went in. That confused the hell out of me. Like- I've had ideation for 33 years- why would I see death in surgery as being a bad thing? I partly realised that it was because at that point- I hadn't got my affairs in order. I only had a will that was maybe 20 years old (I was convinced I'd die young!) I think goodbye's in general are sad too maybe. Still yeah- it's confusing. I'm not convinced that in a freak life or death situation that fear wouldn't make me try to survive. That does tend to make you think- do I really want this? I guess that's SI though.
 
Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
Apr 17, 2023
3,279
Yeah- I do actually relate to this. I had gallstones a few years back and finally had my gall bladder removed. It was the first operation I'd had. Not like it was high risk or anything but of course- it is possible for things to go wrong. My parents were with me- bless them and I almost got tearful saying goodbye to my Dad before I went in. That confused the hell out of me. Like- I've had ideation for 33 years- why would I see death in surgery as being a bad thing? I partly realised that it was because at that point- I hadn't got my affairs in order. I only had a will that was maybe 20 years old (I was convinced I'd die young!) I think goodbye's in general are sad too maybe. Still yeah- it's confusing. I'm not convinced that in a freak life or death situation that fear wouldn't make me try to survive. That does tend to make you think- do I really want this? I guess that's SI though.
Si is a demon. It uses our bodies as a means to keep existing. People think they are one with SI when it's just an aspect of their biology. I think the brain is compartmentalized. It's been determined that when you split the brain in half down the middle, consciousness splits and there then becomes 2 of you in a sense. It's not obvious to the individual but it's obvious to those who analyze the person after the surgery. Different motivations, different goals become glaringly obvious.
 
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thebookofdisquiet

thebookofdisquiet

Member
Jul 21, 2023
87
I do it because I hate doctors and don't want to risk going to the hospital or making my parents lose their time and money taking care of me + I'm a control freak, I want to die when I decide to and not because my body failed me.
 
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escapeplan12

Member
Jun 12, 2023
43
So when the time comes I can say I was trying up until the end
 
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MyChoiceAlone

MyChoiceAlone

sleep deprived and/or drunk
Jul 23, 2023
1,212
i'd have to get healthy enough to do the method i really want (swiss option) to get some peace
 
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amibiagan

amibiagan

New Member
Jan 23, 2023
2
I have a theory that one must die as natural as possible. Otherwise your consciousness will linger much longer in this world.
 
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TiredTurtle

TiredTurtle

Member
Oct 29, 2023
98
It's your SI working to keep you alive
 
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limerance1

This is where I long to be; La Isla Bonita
May 11, 2023
40
Because its not easy to kill oneself. So I look for ways to ease the suffering.
 
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Raindancer

Raindancer

Specialist
Nov 4, 2023
323
I think it's because we all have a tiny little bit of hope left, until we don't.